Make Me (Remdy)

We All Have Toxicity

If you wanna know what tattoos I have, here u go :) 

Obvs the BVB logo with a line from In The End. The quote underneath it is by Liza Oppenheimer (in her handwriting). She's a really underrated singer. It says 'you're so beautiful, I wish you could see it.' 

This one is Chateau Miranda (also knows as the noisy castle because it was an orphanage). It was demolished in 2017.
Sorry it's upside down lol, also it's currently in the peeling phase so that's why the black looks a little blotchy. 

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Trigger warnings: Mentions of death, depression, suicide, self harm

sorry again

Andy is eating ice cream out of the tub when he opens the door at past midnight. "What do you want?" He asks. 

"Can I come in?" 

"Nope." 

"Look, I'm-" 

"Remington, go home. It's late." He digs the spoon into the ice cream. 

The younger sighs. "I'm sorry, Andy." 

"Yeah, I'm sure you are. Now go home." He puts the spoon in his mouth. 

"I didn't mean it." 

"Didn't mean what? That I should cut myself or that I'm worth nothing?" 

"All of it." 

"Y'know, it's funny, because you still said them." 

"Just let me in." 

"No. Why would I do that? So you can cut me yourself? So you can 'cut along the vein' and make sure it's 'more effective'? I don't think so." 

"I didn't mean to say that." 

"Of course you didn't. You never do, do you?" He puts the spoon back in the tub. "Now would you kindly piss off before this finds itself embedded deep in your arse." He closes the door on Remington, though the younger kicks it back open and pushes past him and into the house. "What the hell are you doing?" Andy asks loudly. 

"I'm not gonna go just because you tell me to." 

Andy grabs him by the arms and attempts to push him back out, though the door has closed, so he ends up pinning Remington to it and glaring at him. 

Remington glares straight back. Their bodies are pressed together. 

"Get out," the elder growls. 

Holding eye contact with him, Remington murmurs, "Make me."

"I'll make you regret ever turning up here." 

"Go on, then. Make me." 

Andy narrows his eyes. His voice is low, gravelly. "I will."

"So do it." 

"Shut the fuck up." 

"Make me." 

"Shut up." 

"No." 

"Shut the fuck up, or I swear..." 

Remington's wrists are pressed to the wall either side of his head. He pulls hard on them to further annoy Andy, who tightens his grip and pushes his knee between the younger's thighs. "You swear what?"  He asks cockily. "You swear what, Andrew. What are you gonna do to me?  What are you gonna do?" 

To shut him up, Andy releases his arm to and covers his mouth, leans in, and whispers into his ear, "Shut the hell up right now." 

Remington shivers involuntarily. 

Moving his hand, Andy wraps it around Remington's throat. "Oh, fuck," he whispers. Then he grips Remington's throat with aggression and kisses him firmly, though pulls away and removes his hands just as quick, steps back, shakes his head. "Fuck," he whispers again, covers his face with his hands. 

Remington watches him, says nothing. 

"Fuck, what are we doing?" He turns around so he can't see the guitarist. "What are we doing?" 

Stepping away from the door, Remington touches his shoulder. 

"What am I doing?" A long silence. "We fight, Remington. All the time. And then when we get bored of fighting, or neither of us has anything else worth saying, we kiss. And then we have sex. And then, for about a day, everything is fine. Then something happens and we fight again. We say all these...these horrible things, but still, we fuck afterwards. And there's no love, no real emotion in the sex we have, it's just a way of releasing all this anger that we both hold. Anger for the people we've lost and the sadness we feel, and then we wake up the next morning and pretend we're not in this toxic relationship." 

"Andy..." 

"And yeah, maybe there is love somewhere beneath all of this anger, but how can this ever work, if all we do is argue and shout and hurt each other. We've said some awful things. We've told each other to self harm, that we should just kill ourselves if we're this unhappy, that we're worthless and disgusting and selfish. It's not right. None of this is right." 

"Relationships aren't perfect, Andy." 

"No. But ours isn't even okay. I have made you cry so many times that it's honestly shameful that you'll still have me around. And you have blamed me for so much shit that I don't know why I keep coming back to you, but something...something has to change. We can't keep doing this. We can't keep fighting and then having sex and then fighting again. Nothing about it is healthy, and how the hell are we supposed to ever heal our internal wounds if the relationship is this unhealthy? It's like we're both so wrapped up in the past, and everything we've lost, that we can't see how bad we are for each other, and how bad we are for ourselves." 

"We can make it work." 

"How? How, Remington? We've been trying for months, and all we do is the same shit over and over. I'm sick of fighting with you. I'm sick of feeling like I shouldn't be alive because of the things you say to me. I'm sick of hurting you, of seeing you cry. I'm just...Remington, I'm so sick of everything between us. We're never gonna work. We can keep trying, but all we'll do is the same. We'll fight, we'll fuck, we'll say we love each other, then we'll fight again. It goes round and round and round and I refuse to continue on this fucked up carousel. I won't do it anymore. I just won't." 

"Andy, please." 

"I'm so sorry for everything that's happened to you, and I sincerely hope you find someone who can make you feel the way you're longing to, but that person isn't me, and we need to stop pretending like it is. I'm not the answer to any of your prayers. I never will be." 

"Please, Andy, just-" 

"I know you're scared of being alone and I get, but I won't stay just because of that fear. Staying won't make anything better, no matter how much we wish it could. So please just go before you start crying, because I can't bear to see you cry. I promise you'll find someone, and I wish all the best for you, but I have to end this because it's running us both into the ground." 

"Andy..." 

"Just go, Remington."