Make Me (Remdy)

We All Have Blips

Trigger Warnings: Mentions of death, depression, self harm, suicide, sex(brief) 

Lucas and Juliet have left by nine o'clock, and while Andy is tidying up the kitchen and wiping chocolate milkshake from the table, his phone rings. He answers it while wringing out the cloth in the sink. "Remington, hey," he says. 

"You know Leo?" 

"Crazy abusive builder man?" 

A sigh, then. "Yes. Crazy abusive builder man." 

"Yes, I know him." 

"Do you think he was that bad?" 

Andy laughs out loud. "Oh, you're serious? He was awful, Remington. He was foul and rude and he threatened to run you down with his car. Yes, he was that bad." 

"Yeah, but-" 

"If you're about to say you deserve that, shut the hell up." 

"But what if-" 

"Shut up." 

"Yeah, but-" 

"Shut up." 

Remington huffs. "Just let me speak." 

"Fine. I'm listening." 

"What if he's right about it being my fault they're dead?" 

"Remington-" Andy cuts in, but is interrupted. 

"I mean, technically if I was in the front and not the back, Emerson would have survived. And I was the one who made us ten minutes late so the traffic was also technically my fault-" 

"Remington, shut the hell up, you're talking out your arse." 

"Are you even listening?" 

"Yes. You think you're the reason for an accident that nobody could have predicted or controlled in the moment." 

"Maybe it was-" 

"Stop. Don't do this to yourself." 

"Yeah, so anyway, it's too late for that 'cause I've been cutting myself over it for, like, ten minutes." 

"Where?" 

"Does that matter?" 

"No, where are you?" 

"Oh, right. My house." 

"Do you want me to come over?" 

"I thought you were busy tonight." 

"Juliet was here with Lucas, but they've gone now." 

"How was it?" Remington asks. "Was she nice to you?" 

"She was surprisingly pleasant, actually," Andy says, then, "I'll come over." 

* * * 

Remington is sitting in his bed when Andy gets there. He smiles up at the man. "You look nice," he says. "Red suits you."

"You okay?" 

"Yeah, fine. Leo just got in my head. I'm fine." 

"Sure?" 

"No, yeah. I just had a blip, that's all. Hug, though?" 

Andy sits on the bed. "Sure, little darling. Come here." 

"You gotta stop calling me that." Remington says into his shoulder. 

"Aw, why?" 

"Because it makes me want to go on sunset walks on the beach with you." 

"I see." 

"Angelica said today I should put some distance between us, you know." 

"Yeah?" 

"She calls it co-dependency. Or that I'm trying to find my brothers in you. Which will never happen, because you're literally everything they hated in people. You're self obsessed, you're cocky, you're divorced-" 

"They had a problem with people being divorced?" 

Remington laughs. "That's the bit you're worried about? Yeah, they thought divorced people had commitment issues or something. I don't know. I tuned out a lot of what they said. Especially Emerson. He went on these rants about literally everyone, it was best just to nod along and wait for him to shut up. Anyway, she thinks I'm trying to find them in you. You know, trying to see you the way I want to see you or whatever. I don't know." 

"Well, are you?" 

"I mean...maybe? I don't know. She's right I'm a little dependent on you and I probably should put some distance between us, but that doesn't mean I'm going to. I don't think I could handle that at the moment. Not with Christmas approaching. You know, the first Christmas without them." 

"Oh, shit, yeah." 

"Yeah, not too sure how I'm gonna cope with that, but we'll take it as it comes." 

"I'm sorry." 

"Don't be. Not your fault. I'll get by one way or another. Either that or I'll kill myself." He laughs to himself then stops and says, "Yeah, not funny." 

"Not funny," Andy agrees. "You can have Christmas with me if you want. I don't have plans. I think we're having a meal out with the band on Boxing day." 

"Oh, yeah. Thanks. I'd appreciate that." He kisses Andy's cheek. "How was it with your son?" 

"Overwhelmingly perfect." 

"That's good." 

"Yeah, he was so sweet. It was like I knew him, you know? It couldn't have gone better." 

Remington leans on Andy's shoulder. "I'm really happy for you." 

"Are you sure you mean that? You don't have to say it, I won't mind." 

"It's confusing. I'm happy for you because I care about you and I want you to be happy, and I know this makes you happy so that's good. But I also kind of hate you for getting this opportunity because I know I never will and it's just hard to see you so happy about something that I'l never get to experience, you know?" 

"I completely get that, I do. If you want to yell at me, I won't hold it against you." 

"I don't want to yell at you," Remington says. "I'll probably rant about you to Angelica in our next session instead." 

"Oh, please do. I don't want you bottling these feelings inside just because we're working on not arguing. You're allowed to have these emotions and you're allowed to express them." 

"Thank you." A sigh. "You are a cunt, though." 

"Oh, I know." 

"Get me some painkillers?" 

"Sure, babe. Wait here." 

"Don't call me that." 

"Why? Because it makes you want to go on sunset walks on a beach with me?" 

"No, silly. Because it makes me want to suck you off." 

Andy gets off the bed, chuckling. "Forward, much," he says, humoured. "I'll help you find a one night stand if you're that desperate." 

"No, ew, that'd be weird. I know we're, like, friends now, or whatever, but I am not about to let you set me up with another guy. Besides, now I've had you, no one's gonna come close."