Make Me (Remdy)

We're All A Little Fucked

Trigger warnings: Mentions of suicide, depression

Juliet picks up Lucas at nine, and once Andy has seen them off, after discussing Christmas plans with his ex, he goes to find Remington, who has been strangely quiet all night. 

The guitarist is sitting in the bedroom turning a container of pills over in his hand and looking at them with half-closed, wet eyes. He lifts his head when Andy sits beside him, but says nothing. 

"What are you, an idiot?" Andy asks gently, taking the pills from him and putting them on the bed. "C'mon, don't be silly. There's no need for this. What's the matter?" 

Remington shrugs and sniffles. "He's your son," he whispers. "I'm not."

"You wanna be my son? Because I am open to most weird kinks, but you being my son is not one of them. I mean, you can call me daddy if you want." 

"No, I...He's your son. You made him. You're literally his dad. And I'm just...I don't know. I'm just some guy who made you realise you like cock." 

"You think all you are to me is a guy with a cock? Remington, hon, don't be so stupid." 

Falling onto his back, Remington sighs, looks up at the ceiling. "You love him more than me." 

"I love you both in completely different ways. There's no way I could ever compare you with him. He's a child who I made and have a responsibility for, and you're...you're a bit of child, too, but that's beside the point. You're an important member of my band and of my life, and I chose you. Don't you see how important that makes you?" 

Remington closes his eyes and sighs. "But he's your son," he insists. "He's your actual real life son, Andy."  

"Yeah, and? You're my actual real life boyfriend. I want you." 

"You do?" 

"Yes, duh. Stop being a stupid fucker for one second, it makes it very hard to comfort you." 

"I just feel like you're going to stop loving me now you've got him back." 

"Stop loving you? I loved you before I got him back and I will continue loving you, alright? You think one little boy who still pisses the bed is gonna put a wall between you and me? I chose you. You know that. I chose you more than once. I chose you when I didn't want to chose you, because I physically couldn't not have you. You're a nightmare and a pain in the arse, but you're mine and that means something." 

"Yeah, but..." 

Andy puts a finger over his mouth, whispers, "Shh, little darling, shh." He lies down beside Remington. "Listen, you need to talk to Angelica about this because that co-dependency thing seems very possible. Now give me a hug and stop being stupid." 

"This is definitely co-dependency," Remington mumbles. "I'm so fucked." 

"You're fine. We're all a little fucked. But definitely talk to Angelica about it." 

"You're not fucked, you're perfect." 

Andy laughs. "Are you kidding? You're talking to the guy who was previously an alcoholic and is divorced." 

"Eh, details," Remington says with a smile. "Are you doing Christmas with Lucas and Juliet, or..." 

"Yeah, I think so. But you're welcome to join. Juliet keeps telling me you're invited. And you know Lucas adores you." 

"Are you sure?" 

"Of course, hon. I don't want you alone, that'd be miserable. And you've basically moved in with me anyway." 

"Yeah, sorry about that." 

"No, it's nice. I welcome your company. Even more so now that you've stopped yelling at me all the time." 

"Sorry about that, too." 

Andy smiles down at him. "Are you okay now? Not gonna lunge for the pills if I leave the room to make tea?" 

"I'm not going to kill myself. Make me tea, too." 

"I was already going to." He leans down and kisses Remington, whispers, "You're a cutie." 

Remington playfully swats him away. "No, I'm a manly man," he insists. 

"Who says men aren't cute?" 

"Very true." 

"I mean, some men aren't. But you are. I'm going to make tea now, before you push that hand any further into my pants." 

Remington pouts. "But don't you want me to?" 

"Oh, yeah, I absolutely do, but I have things to do before I go to bed. Later, 'kay?" 

Remington huffs but obliges, playfully hitting him. "Being an adult is so boring," he complains. 

"Yes it is," Andy agrees, chuckling. "But we're adults, so suck it up, sunshine." 

"You suck it up, sunshine." He sits up and slides off the bed. 

"You shut up." 

"You're a cunt." 

"You love it." 

Remington smiles. "I totally love it."