Make Me (Remdy)

We All Find Excuses

Heyy sorry for the delay, I had to go to hospital because 111 (NHS advice line) told me I might have been having a heart attack. I wasn't, thank God, and I'm all good now. On with the story. 

Trigger warnings: Mentions of depression, death, abuse 

Without speaking, Remington sits on the chair by the hospital bed and sighs. After a second's thought, he reaches for Andy's hand, takes it from a sleeping Lucas' head, and holds it. He sighs again, looks at their hands. "I talked to Juliet," he says eventually, still looking down. "She made me realise some things." 

Andy is watching him speak. 

"She's actually nice, you know." He pauses. "Nicer than I expected, anyway." 

"The divorce changed her," Andy says. There's a hint of spitefulness in his voice. 

Remington frowns. "Are you okay?" 

"Suppose so." 

"Huh?" 

No reply, but he pulls his hand from the younger's and returns it to Lucas. On his face is a mildly pained expression, though Remington knows better than to assume it's because of the bruises on his jaw and temple. 

He clasps his hands together in absence of Andy's, looks down at them. "I didn't mean to say what I said." 

Lucas moves. Andy watches him. "Clearly, you did," he replies. "You formulated the words in your head, you opened your mouth, you said them. You can't speak by accident, that's not how it works." He adjusts the neck brace. "Whatever Juliet made you believe, why would you trust her after one conversation?" 

"She just said-" 

"I really don't care, to be honest," Andy cuts in. "She's putting on an act. Has been since I started babysitting for her. This isn't her." 

"You don't know that." 

"Don't talk to me like you know her. You don't know anything about her. I was married to her for years. I know what she's like, and no one can change this much." 

"You did." 

"I got sober. I didn't switch personalities. Is that all you came to say?" 

Remington could cry again if he wasn't trying so hard to maintain his cool exterior. "I came to apologise."

Andy hums, seemingly uninterested. "Great. Apology not accepted." 

"Why are you being like this?" 

"Like what?" He asks after a tired sigh. 

"Mean." 

"Mean? I'm being mean?" 

"A little." 

"You told me I'm not injured enough for your sympathy, but sure. I'm being mean." 

"I didn't mean that, Andy." 

"I don't have the patience for this. Please just go." 

"I was just having flashbacks, that's all. I'm sorry I took it out on you." 

"You can't go a day without making something about them, can you?" Andy says, still in that tired voice. 

"What? Andy, this isn't anything." 

"Car accidents happen everyday. You gonna get mad at every single person who survives one just because your brothers didn't? They were unlucky and I'm sorry about that, but you can't take it out on me." 

Remington stands up. "I'm taking Lucas," he says flatly, picking up the child from Andy's lap and shushing him when he wakes. Before leaving, he says, "Sometimes, you're not a nice person and sometimes, I wish I didn't love you." Then he opens the door while making sure Lucas is secure in his arms, steps out, and lets it slam behind them. 

"How'd it go?" Juliet asks as she takes the child from Remington. They begin out of the building and Remington shrugs. 

"Not well. He's being a cunt." 

"Give him time," she suggests. "He can be a huge cunt, though." 

"The biggest." 

* * * 

10:16 pm 

Andy: Did you get home safe? 

Remington: Oh so now you care? 

Andy: Come on, don't be like that. 

Remington: Like what? A normal person with emotions? 

Andy: Am I not allowed to check you're okay? 

Remington: No. 

Andy: Can't we just put today down to excessive stress and move on? 

Remington: That's what I was trying to do but you wouldn't let me. 

Andy: No, you were claiming everything you said was down to what happened to your brothers over a year ago. 

Remington: It's basically the same thing. You're putting it down to stress, I'm putting it down to losing two brothers in one car accident that ruined my life forever. If anything, you have it easy. 

Andy: Oh my God, stop making it into a competition of who's the most traumatized. 

Remington: It's not a competition, it's just a fact. You've got a broken arm, I've got two dead brothers. Who do you think got off easy? 

Andy: Got off easy? I was hit by a car, Remington! I'm sorry if I have to die in order for you to take that seriously, but come ON, stop being a cunt. 

Remington: I am taking it seriously! I had like 4 panic attacks at the same time because of how serious I took it. Stop bullying me. 

Andy: How is this bullying?! 

Remington: Because you know how this makes me feel and you don't care. 

Andy: I never said I didn't care. I said it would be nice if YOU cared. 

Remington: I do care!! How could I not?! 

Andy: I don't know, maybe because the only people you care about are fucking dead and can't do shit to help you. 

Remington: Stop bringing them up! 

Andy: It's annoying, isn't it? When you're trying to have a meaningful conversation and all you can talk about is them. 

Remington: Damn I'm sorry it happened, it must be such an inconvenience for you to deal with. 

Andy: Quit it. 

Remington: Quit what? Loving you? Fine, easy. Done. 

Andy: We both know that's not how it works. 

Remington: That's exactly how it works. 

Andy: Fine, you don't love me. I don't love you then I guess. How's that feel? Who've you got now? My ex wife? Good luck with her, she'll find something she hates about you soon enough, it wouldn't be difficult. 

Remington: What the fuck does that mean?! 

Andy: Use you fantastic brain to figure it out for once. 

Remington: I hope you have a brain injury that they haven't found. 

Andy: Oh back to the you hope I die thing, are we? Great. 

Remington: Shut up. 

Andy: You're incapable of holding yourself accountable for anything and it's fucking exhausting. 

Remington: You know what's exhausting? Being with you. 

Andy: I'm sure it is. 

Remington: Should've known you wouldn't be able to handle real emotions. You're the same as everyone else. 

Andy: Fine, then go back to Leo and see how that works out for you. And when he beats you up again, don't think I'll be here, because I won't. You're on your own. 

Remington: Great talk. 

Andy: Have a great night x