Make Me (Remdy)

We All Fuck A Cactus

I apologies profusely for the title of this chapter 

Trigger warnings: Brief mention of death, depression

"Hey." 

Remington looks up at the unfamiliar man. "Uh...hi," he says, picking at the grass beside him. 

"You're Remington, I presume." 

"Sorry, do I know you?" 

The man sits next to him. Remington can't help feeling a little violated. He doesn't like people joining him while he's here, not unless he trusts them. "Yeah, well, you know of me. I'm dating Shy." 

"Oh. I see." 

"I'm Mickey, by the way." 

"Good for you," Remington mumbles, pulling blades of grass out of the ground and dropping them aimlessly. "I literally don't care, but good for you." 

"I'm getting the impression you don't like me." 

"No, I've never been more thrilled to meet anyone in my life." 

"Okay-" 

"You know Shy was with Emerson for seven years, right? You really think she actually likes you? It's called a rebound, look it up." He checks his phone. Andy's supposed to be here in a few minutes. "Look, it's great you're together and everything and I'm sure you'll have a June wedding and your life will be perfect, but it's kinda a bad time. You ever considered that introducing yourself to your girlfriend's dead boyfriend's brother in a graveyard might be a little inappropriate?" 

"Don't blame me, blame her for telling me to find you here." 

Remington scoffs. "Find me. Who says I want to be found?" 

"Graveyard party, is it?" Comes a low voice behind them. 

"Piss off," Remington says.

"Oh, aren't you a ray of sunshine this afternoon?" Andy teases, sitting beside the younger. "Who's this?" 

"A cunt." 

"What the hell is your problem?" Mickey argues. 

Taking Remington's hand and holding out his other for Mickey to shake, he says,  "Nice to meet you, I'm also a cunt." His hand is rejected, so dramatically he pulls it away and adds, "Most people have to pay to shake my hand, you should be privileged at the opportunity." 

Remington leans on his shoulder and sighs. "He's Shy's boyfriend," he tells him. "That's why he's a cunt." 

"Ah, I see, I see. Though I don't think he needs help being a cunt, he looks the part." 

Mickey gets up, walks away, leaves the two alone. He should have known showing up at their graves wouldn't go down well. 

"Are you okay?" Andy asks once he's gone. "Actually, don't even answer that. I know you're not." 

"Who introduces them self in a graveyard?"

"Cunts, apparently."

Remington sighs loudly. 

"What was he even called?" 

"Mickey." 

"Like Mickey Mouse?" 

"Yes, like Mickey Mouse, for fuck's sake. Why do you have be such a twat?" 

Andy chuckles, kisses his head. "It's why you love me." 

"It's not." 

"You're being so moody, do you want some chips?" 

"What does chips have to do with anything?" 

"That Mickey Mouse really got under your skin, huh? Come'ere, hug it out." 

Remington huffs. "I don't want to hug it out."

Andy hums. "Alright, don't, then. Jesus. What's so bad about Shy having a boyfriend, anyway?" 

With another huff, Remington gets up and begins walking away, not slowing when Andy chases after him. "Oh, fuck off," he mumbles. "Let me be an irrational bitch for a little longer before you start preaching your lyrical shit to me."

"Look, I know it's not exactly what you want to happen, but you can't stop her from being with him. He didn't seem that bad." 

"I said-" 

"I know what you said. I'm ignoring you." 

"That's lovely." 

"You can't control her life, Remington. I understand why you're upset and it's okay to be upset, but it's her life, too. Surely you want her to be happy." 

The younger folds his arms. "How is anyone ever happy?" 

"I don't know, I'm not that clever." 

"Are you kidding, you're a genius." 

"Okay, was that sarcasm, because I genuinely can't tell?" 

"That's how clever you are." 

Andy pulls him over to a bench, makes him sit down. 

"What?" He snaps. 

"Just fucking shut up and let me give you a hug, for Christ's sake. Comforting you is like trying to use a cactus as a dildo." 

Remington scrunches his face up. "Thanks for that image that's now engraved permanently in my brain." 

Instead of replying, Andy wraps his arms around the younger and strokes his hair. "You're so stubborn." 

Despite his protesting, the hug is appreciated. "He's a cunt," Remington mumbles, still thinking about Mickey. 

"I think in your mind, everyone's a cunt, no?" 

"I just didn't have her down as the rebound type." 

"Anyone can be the rebound type." 

"If you're about to tell me I'm the rebound after your divorce, I'll slap you." 

"Don't be stupid. If I was looking for a rebound, the gay, depressed guitarist in my band wouldn't be where I'd start." 

"Can we get chips now?" 

* * * 

In the evening, they shower together in Andy's bathroom, facing one another, smiling, sharing mumbled nothings and soft kisses. Andy draws his hands up and down Remington's back, and Remington says, "You've really gone from being 'straight' to showering naked with me." 

Andy smiles, hums. "You're never gonna let that go, are you?" 

"Nope. Not in a million years." He kisses the elder, smiles against his lips, giggles. 

"What?" Andy asks, amused, then kisses him again. "What's funny?"

"You acting like some tough guy in public but being a softy when no one's about. It's cute." 

"Ugh, cute." 

"Yes, cute. Do you have a problem with that?" 

"I'm not supposed to be cute." 

"Tough, 'cause you are."