Make Me (Remdy)

We All Need a Home

There's a new covid variant here in England, hoping and praying that it doesn't spread too rapidly bcos if they cancel Download Festival again when I'll finally get to see BVB there, I will cry.

Anyway, this might be a sad chapter bcos I'm sad :/

Trigger warnings: Death, suicide, depression

It's early in the morning. Remington is underdressed for the weather as he rings the doorbell multiple times, each time more desperate than the last. When finally the door is opened, he just stares at the woman.

"Remington?" She asks. "Hun, what's wrong? It's five am."

Shivering, he gives no reply.

Larisa is frowning. She hasn't seen or heard from him for months and suddenly he's at her door before the sun has completely risen. She steps aside so he can come in. "What's wrong?" She asks again.

Remington bites his lip and shakes his head, rubs his eyes.

"Come and sit down," suggests Larisa. "I'll make some tea, you're freezing."

He doesn't give a response, just stands there shaking.

Putting a hand on his back, she gently pushes him towards the living room, tells him to make himself comfortable, though when she returns with a mug of tea, he's sitting rigid. She leaves it on the coffee table and sits beside him. "What's wrong?" She asks for the third time.

Remington is staring at his hands in his lap now. "Do you...do you still miss him?" As he speaks, his voice wavers.

"Of course I do, hun. I'll always miss him. I'll always miss them both."

"Really?"

"Of course. Why? What's going on?"

He wraps his hands around the mug to warm them. "Shy has a new boyfriend."

"That doesn't mean she doesn't miss them."

"But...How can she move on so fast?"

"People have different ways of handling grief, it doesn't make her any more 'moved on'."

"Nothing feels right anymore," Remington says. "I haven't felt like I have a home since they left. I don't know what to do about it." He shakes his head. "I just feel so lonely all the time."

"You're not alone, you know?"

"I know, but..." He sighs.

Larisa puts a hand on his shoulder. "But no one can take their place. I know. I feel the same. No one can make you feel the way they did."

He nods.

"But there are people who will make you feel ways they didn't, Rem. You can't give up hope."

"I just want them, though," he mumbles, sipping the tea afterwards.

"I know you do. And I'm so sorry that they've been taken from you. You don't deserve it at all."

"We were supposed to release the album, Larisa. We were so close to finishing it." His eyes are welling up. "And I found another band, but it's not the same. Nothing's the same without them. And me and the singer, we said 'I love you', but we keep fighting. I like him. I really like him. But we just fight all the time. I don't want to fight with him."

"Tell him that."

"I'm gonna commit suicide."

Larisa wishes she could take it as a sort of twisted humour, but she knows that's not why he says it. She shakes her head, takes the drink from him and puts it down, holds both his hands so that he looks at her. "No, baby," she says. "That isn't the answer. I know how hard it is without them, but you deserve to live a full life."

Remington blinks and tears leak free. "Without them, it will never be full."

"You don't know that."

"I do. I've tried to be happy without them and it doesn't work. I've tried to make friends and be in love and it doesn't work, Larisa. It doesn't work. Nothing works without them and I can't deal with it anymore. Suicide is the only thing that will work."

"No, hun, not it's not. Suicide will only stop you from feeling anything ever again."

"That's what I want."

"That's what you want now. You don't want it forever."

He bites his lip as he did earlier. "I just want to go home," he whispers. "And I can't. I can't go home, because nowhere is home anymore. Nowhere, and I need it." Pulling his hands free, he wipes his eyes. "I just wanted to see you, say thank you for everything. I'll go now." He stands up.

Larisa takes his wrist. "I'm not gonna let you kill yourself."

"It's not your choice to make."

"No, but if I don't stop you, I couldn't live with myself."

Remington yanks his arm from her. "At least you get to live!" He shouts suddenly. "At least you get to live, Larisa, while they're dead. They're dead!" Now the slow tears are becoming heavier, and he covers his face with his hands. "They're dead, Larisa. They're dead. They're always gonna be dead. How am I supposed to be alive when-when they're dead?"

"Sit down," she tries.

Instead of doing that, Remington begins pulling at his hair while crying that they're dead, alarmed when his phone starts ringing. He struggles to get it out of his pocket because of his unsteady state, answering but not saying anything.

On the other end of the line, Andy frowns. "Remington?" He asks. "Where are you?"

The boy looks at Larisa and then says into the device, "I'm gonna commit suicide."

"Wha-no. Remington, no. Where are you? Let me come pick you up. We can talk about this."

"They're dead, Andy. They're dead."

"I know. I know they are, and it's awful, and I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Let me come get you, okay? I'll give you the best hug you've ever had."

"I need to be with them."

"They are always with you."

"No. No, Andy. I need to be with them."

"Where are you?"

"Number 4, Oakley Street," (Fake address obvs) Larisa cuts in, loudly, so the man is able to pick up her words.

Remington hangs up and throws the phone at the ground.