Make Me (Remdy)

We All Leave The Past Behind

Trigger warning: Mentions of self harm, depression, death

"Do you have a second to talk?" Juliet asks in the afternoon, while Remington is sitting between Andy's legs playing snakes and ladders with Lucas. 

Andy looks up at her. "Oh, sure," he says, getting up and ruffling Remington's hair. In the kitchen, Juliet closes the door, and Andy asks, "What's up?"

"He keeps asking about his dad," she says, then pauses. "He's been asking pretty much since he could talk. He sees all his classmates getting picked up at the end of the day by their parents, and of course, he's wondering why most of them have fathers, and he doesn't." 

"Okay..." 

"I've been avoiding it for ages. Telling him he's too young to understand, because I didn't know what was going to happen. You know, between us and everything. But now we're on good terms and you're so good to him, and he trusts you, I want him to know." 

"That I'm his dad?" 

Juliet nods. "It's not fair for either of you to keep it hidden, and he needs a father, Andy. I know he already sees you as one." 

"Wow. Juliet. This is...thank you so much." 

"Of course. I never wanted to keep him from you, I just got scared you'd never recover from your drinking problem." 

"No, I get it. I do. And we were so fucked up by the time he was born, it wouldn't have been right to put him through our divorce. You did the right thing. Yeah, so you could have gone about it a little better, but I understand, and thank you for being honest with me now. It really means a lot to me." 

"You're a good person, Andy." 

"Thank you." 

"We'll tell him together, okay?" 

"Yeah, that sounds perfect." He smiles. "I am sorry about how I treated you. I know I was shitty. I was shitty to everyone. You should have seen how I spoke to Remington when I first met him. I called him all sorts of crap. It's a miracle he's with me now. Honestly, by the time we were getting divorced, I was so burnt out that if I did care, I didn't feel it anymore. But I do regret how we ended and I'm sorry we had to fight so much. I know I contributed to a lot of our arguments." 

"We both did shit. We're not made for each other but that's okay, and whether we're married or not, we have a son and he needs parents who care. Everything that happened in the past, it's okay. Things happen, people fall apart, but here we are. We're talking, Andy. We're actually talking. When was the last time we had a conversation?" 

"Literally years ago," Andy says with a short laugh. "Today has been so important to me." 

"Me too. Thank you for inviting us." 

"Of course. Thank you for coming." 

"Alright, let's do this. You ready?" 

"Yes. Absolutely." 

Juliet smiles, says, "C'mon, give me a hug." 

Andy does, and afterwards, says, "Here's to co-parenting." 

"Co-parenting," Juliet agrees. "We're gonna smash it." 

"We already are." 

In the living room, Lucas has just beaten Remington at snakes and ladders and is again touching all the tattoos on his arms. They both look towards the two who come back into the room, and Juliet says, "Lucas, honey, why don't you come and sit with me and Andy. We have something to tell you." 

Lucas obliges. He sits between them and Remington tidies up the board game, glances at Andy, who sends him a smile. 

"You remember how you wanted to know why you didn't have a daddy, Lukie?" Juliet asks. 

He nods. 

"You do." 

The boy stares up at her. "Really?" Then his face falls and he says, "But I want Andy to be my daddy." 

Juliet looks at the singer and nods, and Andy says, "I am your daddy." 

Lucas clumsily turns to face him. "You're my daddy?" He asks in a soft voice. "Mummy, he's my daddy?" 

"That's right. Is that okay?" 

He continues to stare at Andy. His eyes are big and Andy's are wet. Then he throws himself at the man. "Love you, daddy," he announces, face against Andy's shoulder. 

Andy wraps his arms around his small body and blinks multiple times. "I love you, too. So much." He sees Remington quietly get up and leave the room. 

"Best Christmas ever!" Lucas says now, lifting his head and looking up at Andy. 

"Best Christmas ever," Andy agrees, and wishes Remington could experience the same joy. He lifts Lucas off his lap and says, "I just need to talk to Remi for a second."

Happy, Lucas returns to the floor, where he tips out the contents of the game that Remington just tidied up and demands his mother plays with him, and Andy leaves them to it. 

Upstairs, Remington is drawing the blade of a small kitchen knife - the same one he used when he bled into Andy's sheets - across his wrist. The opening of the door alarms him and he freezes, holds Andy's gaze before retreating and looking down at his blood. 

Andy sits beside him and carefully takes the knife from him, puts it on the floor by his feet. 

"I'm happy for you," Remington mumbles. "I am. I just..." 

"You hate that I'm getting everything I ever wanted." 

A slow nod. 

"Let's clean this up, okay?" 

Another nod. "It's just...you're the closest I have to...to family, now. And you have them, and-" 

"Darling, I'm not gonna leave you just because I'm being civil with Juliet, you know that, right?" 

"I know, but..." 

"Do you wanna move in with me?" 

Remington lifts his head and catches Andy's eyes with his own leaking ones. "What?" 

"I know our relationship has been confusing and you never really know where we stand, but I want that to stop. Move in with me. Live with me. I love you, I want you." 

"Okay." He wipes his eyes. "Thank you." 

"Don't thank me, just kiss me and then we'll clean this up." 

"I thought you might get back with-" 

Andy cuts him off with an exaggerated gag. "With Juliet? Please, you said it yourself, I'm a massive homo and a good boyfriend." 

"You are." 

"I can be Lucas' dad and still love you, hon. Basically he has two dads now, so he's the lucky one." 

Remington sniffles. "You're the bestest." 

"You said that earlier." 

"It's true. My wrist hurts." 

"I'll do that when you cut it," Andy teases, and Remington rolls his eyes. "Alright, come on. I'll find the plasters. You didn't cut too deep?" 

"No, you interrupted."

"Mm, I'm not sorry." He pulls the younger to his feet and into his arms. "And I'm so proud of you for getting out of bed today." 

"Don't. You'll make me cry again."