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One day I would learn to stop not resisting this boy because I almost always wound up regretting them at the last minute.

If only his mother hadn't approached me before she left, then I wouldn't be sitting here enduring one of Jungwon's episode in turning off the screen while I'm still in the middle of fighting the enemies.

Jungwon had already lived with me starting the day I decided to leave that place since we've both been wanting an escape from the bad memories we have from our home town. It had never felt like it, anyway.

And now he was the only one keeping me laughing in the times I'm not okay. He's the only one as well who knew why I'm messed up in some part of my life.

"I'm really sorry", he said with a smile, as if that would sweeten my disappointment for the game that was cut off by the remote in his hand, "I just want to talk to you"

"You could still talk to me while I'm still playing", I shot back, dropping my head into my hands, "I'm already winning!"

"Where would be the fun in that?", he said, prompting me to look at him from between my fingers, "I'll make it worth your time, I promise"

Fisting my hair into my hands, I complained, "That's not the first time you've said that"

I glanced up across the couch towards Jungwon who only sighed in response. He actually looks serious for once and because of this, I gained my composure as I straightened up and narrowed my eyes at him. Why was I getting worked up over small matters as always?

Well, I can't blame myself for that when I had taken into avoiding her and who knows what she's doing now?

Maybe getting more closer now to my friend, Heeseung or if not Jake who I can feel from the start have feelings for her.

How did I know? He looks at her in the same way I did.

"Do you have any idea how stressed out I am this week and you're forcing yourself to be included as well?", I then goes to say at Jungwon's face.

He answered my question with a seemingly innocent smile and I rolled my eyes, "Why don't you just visit her and be done with it? She can only be the one to fix that mood", he reminded me.

"But no matter how I tried to get her to understand, she never took me seriously", I told him, setting the controller down the floor and leaning back on the couch, getting comfortable.

"Is that a reason to stop? At this point, if you keep avoiding her, Heeseung hyung will win because he's much more kinder to her"

Sighing I crossed my arms over my chest and grumbled, "Is this the time you will remind me of how I had been an asshole to her?"

"You need reminders for you to correct things", he assured me, turning on the TV screen.

But before he could begin to continue the game for me, we both heard the incessant knockings on the door and he gestured for me to open it myself, seeming to get lazy as he laid back down on his seat. At my long gaze on him, he said nothing until he slowly walks up to the door while I rushed up the stairs, thinking it would be Ara again.

"Jay hyung, Y/N's here!", Jungwon shouted to me from down the stairs.

I jumped slightly from the sudden goosebumps on my shoulders. She went here without asking for me in the text? It couldn't have been easy for me to keep hiding by the second I saw the person I'm loving was crying down there as she entered.

Y/N had never been good at hiding her emotions.

The way she keeps tearing up told me exactly that someone had hurt her, so I immediately comes down to her and I can only be relieved for a second to see her unscathed.

But I still demanded, "Who hurt you? Tell me!"

"Jake...", she stumbled on her words, and I knew then before I even bring her up to my room, even before I felt her tears sliding down to my shirt while I have her head against my chest that the thing I'm scared to happened was already here.

It was facing me like a nightmare reaching out to swallow my dreams.

Whatever Jake had done had striked her this much and I was terrified, already knowing she might realized now that he was actually the one who deserved her all along.

Still, I remained wrapping my arms around her to protect myself from I knew what was going to come. It didn't make it any less terrifying when Y/N reached to my face and I just closed my eyes to keep refusing the idea.

"I don't know, Jay but...", she managed eventually, holding the side of my face. I already knew what she was going to say, "I'm so fucking hurt when I saw Payton kissing him"

She looked expectantly towards me, as though waiting for me to answer the question in her statement.

"It's fairly obvious", I managed to murmur, my heart starts to beat as I get nervous.

"But I didn't see it before", Y/N insisted, watching and waiting for some explanation.

"He's always with you", I reminded her, as if it were possible for her to forget, "Of course, while he's still focusing on you, you felt contented and then this happened... that's when will you usually realized when it had changed"

"Still...", she began, her voice raising as she comes to turns with everything, "Why didn't I see it before?"

"Y/N -"

She removed the hand from my face before placing it at the top of my head, "I think it was because of you"

I released a shaking breath, trying to compose myself once more as I asked her, "What do you mean?"

Was it wrong for me to hope that she would mention that the one she had feelings for is me?

"I liked you", she said eventually, rubbing a hand over my face in the next second, "I did and I'ved never regretted anything more in my life but that doesn't change the fact that I've been hoping for you to see me since we were highschool. But what you did to me -"

When she spoke those hopeless confession and from that moment, I already knew. Nothing was the same.

Nothing is going to be the same again. There was no joy in her voice and no smile in her face, not a single bit of care.

"Stop it", I said abruptly, feeling the sudden lump in my throat. Stop hurting me, please.

"It would've been different for us if you weren't like -"

"I was built like that", The words, though quiet were enough to stop her, "Not because I'm rich doesn't mean I have a good life. That's why I brought Jungwon here, I don't want him to feel abandon as well"

She watched me long enough to notice that I had wiped my face of any emotions and I was carefully maintaining my expression.

"My grandpa died because of me when I could've done something", I added, the image of a younger me freezing as I saw my first favorite person shaking violently down the floor.

And what did I do? She'll never know.

"It wasn't your fault, I'm sure", she tried to assure and I struggled to say that I knew it.

"My dad blamed me for it all my life", I murmured, needing to say something to fill the silence, "And my family had never been the same, so that's how I met Jungwon - I always hang around their house instead"

She continued to watch me, grief written plainly in her eyes and I struggled not to demand to know the reason behind it. And why was she crying for me?

She hadn't known the fear I felt when he was brought to the ER, hadn't listened to my relatives talked in my face at the burial and hadn't woked up each day seeing your father was slowly distancing himself from you.

What exactly was she crying for?

I couldn't bring myself to meet her eyes again. Instead, I silently held out my hand for her and she takes a hold of it. Then I tucked her safely against my chest, and I didn't so much glanced her face as I used her warmth to put me into a sleep.

Some bad memories were better not thought about.

What do you think of Jay for this chapter?

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