Scars {Pansy Parkinson}

50.

Lucille Blaire Evans

"Where are you going?" Onyx asks me as I grab my robe. "I'm just...going for a stroll around to see If I can get tired." I shrug. "Don't get caught by the prefects." She yawns and turns her body to the side. "Mhm," I take my phone and walk out. I'll probably just sleep in the common room or anywhere away from her.

I text Ginny, Neville, and Blaise to see If they're awake. But, who's awake at this time. Ginny or Neville don't respond and Blaise just says "No." I roll my eyes with a small chuckle and look for someone I can text or call. Really anything to keep me distracted or from being alone.

My thumbs hovers over Pansy's name. She probably won't answer. I ask her the same question. I stare at the screen as I sit down on one of the couches. Typing bubbles appear, giving me some sort of hope. But they disappear and don't come back. Maybe I'm overreacting about this Onyx thing and I just want an excuse to see her. Maybe I just need to see her one last time.

I sigh and stand up, exiting the common room and quietly walking around. The corridors are empty and cold. The only sound came from the rain that crashed with the windows. A few minutes go by of my feet doing all the walking and my mind zoning out. Before I know it, I'm in the dungeons where it's even colder since it's under a frozen lake.

I stop at the door of the Slytherin common room and just stare at the snakes on the door that would open for me with just a simple word. Great, now I'm being clingy. But, can you blame me. I miss talking to her and having her hug me to sleep."Pureblood," I whisper. The snakes unwravel themselves and the door swings open.

They never show you the dark side of love in all the fairytales or cute romance books. They never show that once you're so deeply in love with someone, you never want to be over. And when it is, you can't seem to let go, no matter what the circumstances are or what the person does.

"No, you just need to respect- oh, hey, Lu." Daphne's yelling at Adrian Pucey stops as she smiles at me. "Am I interrupting something?" I awkwardly laugh. "No, you going to see Pansy? You could really cheer her up."

"I'm not sure to be honest. I just want to hang out with her if that makes sense." I shrug. "Can I watch?" Adrian smirks. "I mean, it's not like I haven't seen Pansy naked before." He winks, referring to that single time her nudes got leaked. Although, literally two days after everyone forgot about it when Dean and Seamus were caught kissing.

"You disgust me." I roll my eyes and walk upstairs to the girls' dorms. "You really want me to hit you, you lesbian-fetishizing-creep!" I hear Daphne yell. I laugh again at her boldness.

I stand in front of Pansy's door. If I do know what do I say? 'Sorry, I get very attached' or 'I'd rather die than not be with you'

Just do it, Lucille. You're already here. I take a deep breath and softly knock on the door three times. "Blaise, I told you I'm not changing my mind!" She says from inside her room, her voice growing closer to the door. Regret starts to hit me. What if she yells at me because I'm being too annoying? "Forget about it, Lucille. She's over you." I mutter to myself.I'm just going to go back to my room.

I try to walk away but her door opens. I stand frozen for a moment and turn around. "Why are you here, Lucille. And were you talking to yourself?" She questions me with a small frown yet she still seems to have pity in her eyes. "Yeah, I'm sorry. I'll leave now. I just didn't know what to do and didn't want to be alone." I let out a shaky sigh. "Maybe I just needed to see you one last time before it's officially over. You've obviously moved on." I shrug and feel a knot form in my throat as I go to walk away again.

"Hold on, what's...what's wrong?" She looks down at the ground. "What?" I clear my throat. "You said you didn't want to be alone and you asked me If I was awake earlier. So, what's wrong?"

"Oh, so much, Pansy. So much is wrong. But it's not important." I nod. She sighs and stops to think for a second. She steps towards me, pulling my body into her arms and into her dorm. A small gasp escapes my lips from shock. I rest my head on her chest, taking in her smell of lavender. "Everyday gets worse and worse. It's like I can't function or be happy without you. I know I need to move on but I can't, I can't move on without you." I rant quickly. Tears begin to pour out of my eyes.

"And now I'm crying because that's all I can do. That's all I'm good at." I sob. "It's okay." Her voice sounds as If she's holding back tears, her hand stroking the top of my head. "It's not okay. I want you back, Pansy." I look up at her teary eyes. "I know, me too. But I'm trying to protect you from all the bullshit that I'm going through."

"Then let's get out of here. Let's leave everything and everyone." I don't even know what I'm saying, it's crazy. We can't just leave everything behind, but anything to be with her. "Lu, they'll track me down. Who knows what they'll do If they get their hands on me...or you."

"Then we'll keep moving. We can see the world. One day we'll be in Paris and the next we'll be in Morocco." I try to convince her. "We can keep one of those corny photo albums of everywhere we go...I love you." I cup her cheeks, caressing them with thumbs. She places her hand over mind. "That sounds like a really bad movie." She snickers. I laugh with her then notice a few cuts on her knuckles.

"What happened there?" I frown and take her hand in mine. "Nothing, I'm fine." She pulls her hand away. "No, tell me what happened."

"I punched my mirror." She mumbles under her breath, avoiding my eyes. "I hated the person I saw, I really hurt you, Lu. Blaise told me you weren't eating, you were doing so well and I fucked it up." She pushes the hair in my face behind my ear. I try to make up a lie, tell her that I'm doing just fine. But I'm not and I can't lie to her.

"I was just all alone and I thought there was something wrong with me, food was the only thing that I could turn to. I ate so much junk and calories that day. And I felt so guilty after. I'm sorry I made you do that." I keep my eyes down and my hand rubbing hers then playing with her fingers.

"Did you eat today?" She asks. I nod. Just don't look at her and you'll be fine. I trace hearts and circles on her hand. She uses her other hand to lift my chin. "What did you eat?" Pansy tilts her head slightly. "Umm..." Just the thought of it makes me want to break down again. My lips softly quiver as I try to hold back my sobs.

"I haven't eaten in almost three days. Please don't be mad at me." I confess. "I'm not mad. Shit happens and we relapse. I understand and it's alright." A gently kisses my forehead. "But you're perfect." I sniffle. "I may seem like it, but I'm not. What do you think the butterfly on my wrist means? I give myself tattoos when I want to hurt myself."

"I think I have something to eat." She steps away and looks through her nightstand. "I'm not hungry, Pans." I sit down on her bed, grabbing her stuffed bear and smiling at it. "Well, you need to eat." She says, rummaging through her drawer. "Granola bars?"

"That's too many calories and I don't want it." I shake my head. She narrows her eyes at me and grabs a black marker from her desk. She takes off the cap with her mouth, scribbling all over the back. Pansy grabs one for herself and plops down next to me.

"I'm really not hungry." I shake my head again. "Eat with me, nothing's going to happen." She wraps her arm around my shoulder, unwrapping the bar for me. "Just one bite," She assures me. I nod, lay my head on her shoulder, and take a bite after wiping my tears. The small chocolate chips practically melt in my mouth. It's not even that good but my body was basically eating itself without food.

"Can I stay here? With you? I don't want to be in my dorm." I turn to her. She hesitates but nods. I smile and lay down on one of her pillows, she does the same. Our noses barely touch and her hand plays with my hair. "If we were to do this whole running away thing, where would you want to go first? My parents have a beach house in Italy. Private beach." She suggests.

"Your family has too much money. But yeah." I smile. She pulls me closer and begins humming the song she used to sing until I fall asleep.

A/N: I swear I have made myself cry like four times writing this chapter and the past two. I also wanted to mention that I am not romanticizing eating disorders whatsoever. Because I know I'm going to get at least a single comment that says I am. I like relating to book characters in a way so I know what they're currently going through. For example, with Lucille, she can't stop eating and then she doesn't. She also depends on Pansy for her happiness. I, however, don't have a person like Pansy in my life, so I wanted to write that in because I also like writing about things that I don't have.