Harry Styles Fanfiction - You Found Me

Chapter 135

**YOUR POV**
„I don't need any other dream than you, but I would love to go to Greek."

A simple sentence written on a piece of paper. No one understood how much it meant to me and why I always carried it with me.

The ink was smeared and some letters were hard to read but that didn't matter to me, all that mattered was that I had it. I found comfort in it, it was my safety.
The note was wrinkly and the edges were torn, but to me it was perfect.

Everything that had to do with Harry was perfect to me. It could really be anything, a sock, that I randomly found in my drawer could make me cry just because it was a piece of him. It didn't even have to be anything that big as a sock, it was enough with a button of one of his shirts. Everything that was Harry to me would make me cry.

My family kept on telling me to move on, they told me, that it was time for me to say goodbye to Harry. They told me, that I had to start living again.

How did they expect me to live when all I ever lived for was gone? How could I live when the father of my children was gone? He was the love of my life, my soulmate, my everything.

Everything I used to consider as fun was now the worst torture I could think of. My happiest moments were the ones I shared with Harry, only the thought of trying to do that all by myself was too hard to even think. It wasn't easy, if it had been, I would have done it for a long time. Or maybe not... That was a big dilemma for me. I didn't want to leave the grief behind me, because if I did, that would be the same thing as leaving Harry behind and that was unthinkable.

Harry was gone for a year now, but my grief was just as strong, maybe even stronger. The first months I convinced myself, that Harry would walk through the door and kiss me just as only he could. Now when the time went by, reality started to sink in to me. Harry would never come back. Harry left me, he left us, not because he wanted to, but because faith was cruel. He promised me he would never leave us and would always be around, but he broke that promise and it wasn't even his fault. I would never forget the night he said those words to me.

„But no matter what happens, I'll never leave you...I will always be around...always."

Little did I know, that those words were the last ones he would say to me.

I carefully put the note back in its box and picked up a notebook named „Our Dreams". I gently ran my hand over the hard cover and admired the title.
I followed every detail of the letters with my eyes. It was Harry's handwriting and it was so beautiful. Funny how the most everyday details that a person did, becomes so special when they're gone.

I wished, that I complimented him everyday how beautiful his handwriting was, maybe that was a stupid thing to compliment, but I didn't care.
What I complimented wasn't important. Having him here and be able to compliment was the important thing. Harry always told me how beautiful I was to him and it broke my heart, that the opportunity for me to do the same thing was now gone forever.

I carefully opened the notebook and started to read the little notes inside of it.
Harry gifted me the book when we got married and it was meant to be a place where we could write down every little dream that we had and then cross them over when we made them come true.

The book really lived up to its purpose. Every page was full of notes of our dreams and cute messages, that Harry and I wrote to each other.

I hated this book, I loved it when Harry was here with me, those moments when Harry had his arms wrapped around me and we looked through the pages together were magical, but now when Harry wasn't here, the book was pure torture to me. Every note that wasn't crossed over made me cry, because they were proves, that Harry didn't have the time to make all his dreams come true before he had to leave.

It shattered my heart into a million pieces, that Harry left this world so early. He had so many dreams left and the thought of him never getting the chance to make them come true was purely heart breaking. Harry was the most unselfish person I ever got the chance to know and all I ever wanted was to make one of his dreams come true, make something for him, but now it was too late.

It was one note in the book, that I didn't even want to read. I quickly switched page, but to no use. I already read that line so many times and it echoed through my head many times a day. I remembered when Harry wrote it, I remembered every detail of it. How his eyes were shining and how big his smile was when he told me about his dreams.

„I want to grow old with you and raise our beautiful daughter and maybe more kids. I want to walk her down the aisle on her wedding day and will protect her all her life."

That night, where we talked about our future, was one of the clearest moments I had with Harry. He was so alive that night and why shouldn't he be? He was only 26 years old with his whole life in front of him. I laid between his legs and felt his big hand stroke my hair while we talked about our future and our daughter.

Everything was magical that evening besides one incident that broke the bubble. I often thought back on that incident. Harry suddenly stopped talking and his hand stopped stroking my hair.

I turned my head to the left to look at him. I asked him what it was, but he told me it was nothing. Everyone else would probably believe him, because he was a really good liar, but not me.

No, there was something in his eyes, that made me know that he lied and that he had to talk about something.

„Come on, tell me what it is." I said while running my hand over his cheek.

He sighed before he ran his hand through his hair while giving up a little laugh.

„It's stupid really, just a fear of mine." Harry was one of those persons, that liked to keep things to himself.

He didn't want anyone else to be bothered by his problems.

„Just as I want your dreams to be my dreams I want your fears to be my fears. Tell me, maybe I can help?"

What he did next, surprised me. He quickly turned me around so that I laid on my back, he crawled up so that his head rested on my stomach. His green eyes were fixed on me, more intense than they used to be.

„Do you really want to know?"

„Yes." I said while I took one of his soft curls in my hand, fiddling it between two of my fingers.

„I have this fear of mine, it's my greatest fear and I had a dream that..." This was real, this was a real fear, that Harry had and it was strong.

Harry needed some time before he could go on and that scared me. What was this fear? What was this that scared my husband so much?