𝖠𝖱𝖱𝖠𝖭𝖦𝖤𝖣 | 𝖥𝖱𝖤𝖣 𝖶𝖤𝖠𝖲𝖫𝖤𝖸

𝐗𝐗𝐗𝐈

𝐒𝐖𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐎𝐖 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐄𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒

❝  𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒐𝒂𝒕 𝒊𝒔 𝒃𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒆.  ❞

TW; mention of sexual assault. 

━━━━━━━━━━━━

Circe Snape bit the inner part of her cheek trying not to complain about the headache that had been bothering her since she woke up that morning, after spending the whole night drowning in her own sadness. That son of a bitch's birthday still opened a huge scar inside of her that she highly doubted would ever be healed.

During the whole day, she couldn't stop remembering every single day that she had passed with him, by his side, and all the promises he had made her, taking advantage of a young Circe who only craved being loved by someone. Her mother had kept an eye on her during the whole day and, even though they argued way too often, Eileen was still her mother and sometimes, Circe needed her. Especially when those bloody memories wouldn't leave her alone.

"I'm not like your father, Circe."

"I will love you for the rest of my life."

Bullshit.

All of it fucking damn bullshit.

She had not let a single tear come out of her eyes — after escaping from Azkaban where she had to daily and constantly relive the moment when she found out he had abandoned her and their daughter, Circe promised herself she would never cry for him again. Instead, she spent the nighttime with her eyes open, looking at the white ceiling in her dorm, thinking and thinking and thinking...

She still felt guilty. She blamed herself for everything that happened before and after he left; for believing his words, for falling in love with him, for having a child with him, for being so blind at the horrible experiments he was doing with their daughter only to steal her magic...

If she hadn't loved him so blindly and so deeply things would have been different. If she hadn't felt he was the air she breathed and that her world had been destroyed when he left everything would have been completely different. But it wasn't, and she had to cope with it and remind herself that one day she would have him in front of her very eyes, ready for her to kill him, as she deserved to do.

Circe regretted it all. She wondered if Lilith knew her own father tried to kill her more than once after discovering he wouldn't be able to steal her magic and transfer it to himself or if she knew what he was planning to do at all. If she didn't, Circe hoped it could stay like that, she didn't want to share that burden with her daughter.

Looking at herself through the corner of her eyes in the reflection of the mirror at the Slytherin manor, she noticed the dark circles under her eyes, but she tried not to think about it for too long nor to keep looking at herself. Circe hated mirrors, she truly hated them because she couldn't recognise the woman in front of her, that one with the Dark Mark on her forearm, empty eyes and horrible past actions weighting on her back.

She knew she wasn't a good person at all and probably would never be one again, but she missed the Circe she could have been if Ares abandonment hadn't torn her down so horribly and deeply if she had had the balls to forget him, focus on her daughter and never look back again.

Yeah, she definitely missed that part of her who felt more than just a void of melancholy and raw pure rage.

"I told you I wanted you looking for the boy, Circe," the Dark Lord's hissing voice sent shivers all over her spine. "That's the only thing I have ordered you and that you can't achieve."