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Chapter Sixty-Five: Conviction

"We need to fly ourselves before someone else tells us how. Something is off, I feel like prey, I feel like praying."

~Prey by The Neighbourhood~

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Revised: November 2, 2023

Warnings: abuse, addiction, anxiety, biphobia/homophobia, depression, domestic violence, slight eating disorder, language, panic attacks, sexual harassment/assault/abuse, violence, and other mature themes

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I drive to the address Sensei Silver texted me. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous, especially since now I'm in a rich neighborhood and in front of a huge house by the coast.

I see my sensei emerge from the mansion in a black gi with his hair pulled back. I awkwardly get out and walk towards him.

"Welcome, Star," Sensei Silver greets me.

I take in everything that I could never afford, "Why am I here? I thought I was going to the dojo."

"I have a dojo here. We have new shipments coming to the dojo today, so this is less chaotic. Come inside," he tells me and walks towards the door.

I stand in the driveway, frozen. I don't trust following him in. He turns back when he senses as much.

"I'm not gonna hurt you," he says.

"I'd rather just go to Shannon's," I say nervously.

He sighs, "If that's what you want. Or, we can face your fear today."

"My fear?"

"What happened with Hansen still haunts you. Walk face first into the fire," he responds. "Learn new ways to hide your emotions."

I go to play with my ring...

I can't. It isn't there anymore.

I feel my chest tighten as I realize I let go of what helps me cope. Eli has it now. I want it back. I need it back. I can't do this.

"I-I'm not super afraid anymore. Sensei Kreese has been helping me," I say softly. I don't want to sound soft.

"He didn't push you into your fear. You have to fully confront it."

"That doesn't sound like-"

"Do you want to live in fear forever?" Sensei Silver asks me. "Because, Star, if that's what you want, you can go."

I feel my face get hot as I pick at my nails for some way to stop the anxiety. I can't decide.

"You don't need to help me," I tell him.

"I want to," he tells me. "John and I see you as more than a student. I want you to become the best you can be."

"You do?" I ask timidly. I don't have a connection with Sensei Silver, but Sensei Kreese and I have a bit of a relationship. It comforts me.

"Yes. Life hasn't been easy on you, but you need to get over your weaknesses. Only then can you find your opponent's weakness."

"How do I get over my weaknesses?"

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Sensei Silver shows me to the dojo that looks like a renovated gym, and I glance back at the door. Part of the agreement was that I can leave whenever I want. I'd like to trust him, though.

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