Coffee Shop | Elizabeth Olsen

63: Dreams

*Trigger Warning sensitive topics mentioned*

Nell was pulling away from me and I don't blame her, I betrayed her. I fucked up. I hurt her. She's there but I can tell she's not really there. The media was dealt with Seb spoke about the night out in an interview and said something about photoshopping a hug into a kiss was talent can someone photoshop me with 12 supermodels. And turned the whole thing into a joke. I had good friends that were lying for me. For us to reduce the drama in the media which has worked it is over with now.

Nell is currently in New York working for my sisters. I regret encouraging her to take the job now because she's away from me and time away from me could mean she decided she doesn't need me anymore. I was sitting waiting for her call, I finished work an hour ago she said she'd call me after her shoot. When she did finally call it was a forced conversation nothing flowed any more, it was the same conversation we'd had all week. How are you? Good, how was work? Good, how's Rose? Cute. And then that's it we sit in silence.

"Are you okay?" I asked her Ashley said she looked tired when she came to the studio this morning for the fitting. "I'm good. Wrapped up the shoot today, choosing the billboard shot tomorrow which is exciting." "A billboard?" "Yeah it was in the contract, I have 3 billboards and one fashion show as a minimum." "I didn't read that part, must have missed it." "It's from the updated version." "Oh." I didn't know she resigned a contract with them. "Your team called me last night." "They did?" "Yeah, it was kind of weird actually. They were filling me in on your schedule like we didn't have a shared calendar." "Why?" I frowned. "Last minute shoot for a summer fashion spread in a magazine." "I told them I didn't want to do it." "They seem to think you are. I can call them for you." "No, I can do it." It went quiet for a while. "Why don't you want to do it?" "I hate shoots." "But I make them fun right." She had a hint of a teasing playful tone to her voice that I had missed. "We're not exactly in the best place to be working together." "What do you mean?" She sounded genuinely confused. "Come on Nell, I'm not making this up." She didn't say anything. "We've not been the same since it happened." "I'm home tomorrow we can talk then." "Are you sleeping?" "No, not very well." "Why?" "Because my girlfriend is 3000 miles away and I hate sleeping alone?" "I hate us." "You hate us?" She asked confused.

"I want us back. I want my happy Nell back. I want the women who knows when I'm getting anxious before I do. The woman who tries to talk to me about her feeling despite it being really fucking hard for her. I want my girlfriend back. And I know I ruined it. I know that. I'm sorry." "Lizzie you haven't ruined anything. I'm still here." "You don't trust me." "I trust you." "No, you don't...I spoke to MK." "That was weeks ago. We're working on it. I'm working through it." "But you don't tell me anything anymore." "I tell you things." "No, you tell me work things, you don't tell me Nell things. Stories from your childhood, how you're really feeling." "I'm pretty fucking tired, Elizabeth." She snapped she didn't raise her voice but it was harsher. "I'm exhausted." "Why?" "Because I'm working my ass off. I have three locations I'm running, I'm modelling, I'm working for 6 different people, not including you because apparently, we're not working together right now. I'm trying to keep our relationship going, failing at that, clearly. You're having nightmares and not sleeping so I stay awake with you to make sure you get some sleep." "You've been staying up with me?" I was shocked, I didn't even know. "Of course I have...You were up every night. I notice things, Lizzie. Pointing them out to you isn't always helpful because as open as you think you are you're not. You have boundaries too. Boundaries about your dad, about Robbie, about what you." She stopped talking. "Pushing you to talk isn't always okay and I get that. And when you were ready you'd come and talk to me. So I stayed awake to make sure you were okay, settled, getting rest because your job is exhausting. Emotionally, physically it's draining and you need that rest." She wasn't pulling away, she's just really tired because she's always taking care of me. "I'm sorry if I've not been talkative, I'm just tired. I'll sleep on the flight and I'll be good to go to that dinner." "You still want to go." "RDJ has invited us over 8 times and we've flaked... We gotta go."