Coffee Shop | Elizabeth Olsen

74: Happiness

Cassie's birthday was a tough day. I didn't want to get out of bed. I didn't want to open my eyes, I didn't want to talk I just wanted to hide away in my sheets. But my amazingly annoying girlfriend had other ideas and made me get up and shower. When I was dressed I still wanted to go to bed, Lizzie was in the garden tending to her plants and I stood with my coffee in the house looking out into the garden, I couldn't see her but I knew she was out there.

Whilst she was distracted I slipped away up to our bedroom. She had already made the bed, I stood debating if I was going to mess up the bed and climb back under the sheets to block out the world or was I going to suck it up and push the thoughts out of my head. Before I could make a choice I felt arms wrap around my waist. "I have a table booked for breakfast." She mumbled against my neck. "Okay." I agreed, letting her guide me out of our room and downstairs. I get my shoes on and put my phone and AirPods in Lizzie's handbag. "Angel?" "Yeah?" "We don't have to go out today." "I want to." I didn't but we couldn't hide away forever, Cassie loved to celebrate her birthday and that's what Lizzie was trying to do and I appreciate the effort. It wasn't the beach party we were used to but I should at least honour her and not stay in bed that would be the last thing she'd want me to do today.

Our hands swing between us as we walk in silence both of us ignoring the cameraman in front of us as he walked backwards taking our picture. "Can you guys leave us alone for today please," Lizzie says politely, I keep my head down. "Is it your late sister's birthday?" "Come on, that's not acceptable." "How are you spending today?" I ignored their questions as Lizzie tried to get them to shut up and leave us alone. If I said anything I think I would completely explode and it just wasn't the time or place to do that.

"It's fine, babe," I tell Lizzie when I notice her losing her patience with them because they were just being so disrespectful. "I'm sorry." She says. I pecked the side of her face. "It's fine," I say she pulled me into the diner where we were having breakfast, we used to bring Cass here sometimes. We signed her out of school for a couple of hours in the morning, bringing her here and to the ice cream place down the street after, before dropping her back. It was nice having little breakfast dates with her. We get taken to a table in the back away from the windows which meant the Paps got bored and left us alone. "I'm sorry." "Lizzie it's not your fault. It's fine." "But it's my fault they're around you." "No, it's not, Princess." "If we weren't together." "If we weren't together neither of us would be here." She placed her hand in mine. "I love you." "I love you, so much," I tell her and she smiled softly at me.

Lizzie ordered for me without even having to ask me what I wanted. "Can we go to see Cass after this?" "Yeah of course." "Thanks." We ate breakfast and I was glad Lizzie knew I wasn't really up for talking so we sat in a comfortable silence whilst we ate, her hand was in mine and she occasionally rubs her thumb over my knuckles. my every thought was surrounding Cassie. What would she have done to celebrate today? What would her life have been like? What would her reaction be to the engagement? Would she be happy? Would she have grown? How would she be doing in school? Would she be planning her future? Would she have a boyfriend yet? Would she still be dancing? Would she have been staying with Liz and me this summer?

Once we finished with breakfast we went back to the house to get the car, I drove and Lizzie answered some emails, she isn't working currently but she still has to correspond with her office and management so she was doing that singing along to the music. I loved hearing her sing she had such a soft voice that was really soothing. I turn the music down so I could hear her more she was too distracted to notice that I turned the music down. I smiled to myself as I nodded along with the beat.

We pulled up and she stayed in the car letting me have my time alone. I walked around the property to the flower cart and brought a few bunches before going to the family plot. Mum had already been this morning her bunch of fresh flowers and a birthday card sat on the marble stone. I put my flowers in and gave a bunch to dad too. I traced the lettering of the stone before sitting on the floor beside her. I don't say anything today, I just sit, I was still, I ran through all the little moments I had with her, the late-night phone calls, the bake-off, the days on the beach, the messages we'd send back and forth, her laugh, her big bright eyes and wide smile, her sassy comments and her dramatics, the holidays, late nights with her in my arms as she slept peacefully.