CAKE

Twenty-Three

Casey 

"How are you feeling?" a deep voice grabs my attention away from my thoughts. I force a smile as I glance at my father. He takes the empty spot beside me and rubs my back. "How am I supposed to feel? I just feel numb to all of it," I mutter. The man sighs, "That's just depression. You know I'm always here to talk."

I glance at the man, "I don't want to talk. I want to fix my child! And there's absolutely nothing we can do," I spit, annoyed with the situation. I inhale and exhale, apologizing to the man as I lean back into the couch. Ever since Hope had been emitted into the NICU, Kathryn and I had visited her every day but I needed a break from seeing her connected to that machine.

But clearly, nothing was doing it for me. Why did this have to happen to her? Sighing, I rub my forehead. "Dr. Wells said that if the situation doesn't get any better, she'll need the ventilator for the rest of her life but his advice was not to put her through that kind of stress," I mutter, glancing at my old man.

His dark eyes watch me, "You mean, he suggested you take her off and let her die?" Blinking, I nod my head. "I don't want to. She's my first child. I don't think Ryn would approve of that idea either."

Wrapping his arm around my shoulders, he pulls me closer to him. "And that's totally valid but you have to think about Hope. Do you think she'll be grateful for this when she gets older, depending on a machine just so she can breathe? Think about what comes with this kind of responsibility, having to change her tubes, having a lack of sleep because you'll have to watch over her every minute to make sure nothing goes south."

The thought of taking my daughter off of life support breaks my heart into a million pieces. I feel the tears well in my eyes as I force my eyes down to my fidgeting hands in my lap. "I—I know. But," I trail.

"She's your daughter. As a parent, Casey I know exactly how you feel. But think about this long-term and not short-term. I want you to promise me that if she doesn't get better, you will make the right decision for her and not be selfish for you or Kathryn."

Blinking my tears away, I glance at my father and nod my head. Before we can continue talking on the matter, the front door opens revealing my mother and Kathryn. I quickly wipe my tears, knowing my fiance needed a shoulder to lean on. Standing, I approach the two. "How was she?" I question, eyeing Kathryn.

She smiles softly, "She woke up today, only for a few minutes. Her eyes were so pretty." I frown, feeling like I just missed an important milestone. Who knows when I'll ever get a chance to get that view. "Any good news concerning her medical condition?" I question, slightly whispering because of the sensitive subject.

Her pretty brown eyes land on me sadly, letting me know things still hadn't changed. I let out a small breath, not wanting to dwell on the unfortunate news. I feel a warm hand on the small of my back, forcing my eyes away from my fiance and towards my mother. "It'll get better, sweetie. I'll be sure to get her on the prayer list."

I scoff and roll my eyes and immediately regret my actions as the older woman frowns. I let out yet another breath, "Sorry... I just," I stop myself from saying anything stupid. I mean why pray to him if he's the reason she's like this? He knows the past present and future and he does this to her... to a child! Sometimes I think God is more sinister than he is good. 

"Would you two like to stay for dinner? Cassandra and Edwin were on the way over, it'd be nice to have a family meal."

I shrug my shoulders. Honestly, I just didn't want to go back home. Kathryn and I may look like we're handling this better than most parents but truth be told, at home we barely even look at each other. I guess it doesn't help that we're a reminder of what condition our daughter is in. And because that situation is fucked, so are we.