CAKE

Forty-Nine

Kathryn
(1 year since Casey Left)

Sniffing, I wipe my eyes, trying to hide the fact that I had been crying. Knocking on the door startled me. "You okay in there?" Sophia's voice grabs my attention. Parting my lips, I try to mutter a response but find it almost impossible as tears continue escaping from my eyes like an ongoing waterfall.

Fuck, Kathryn. Stop crying. Just stop.

Sophia knocks again but this time it isn't her voice that speaks up. "Kathy, are you okay? You've been in there for some time," Emily spits, trying to open the door. Sniffing again, I clench my jaw and run the faucet as I try to clean my face. 

"Kathryn!" Emily yells, knocking harshly on the white wooden door. Glancing in the mirror once more, I'm happy to find that I don't look as though I've been crying for hours. I clear my throat and unlock the door, allowing the two inside.

Emily glances around the restroom before her sharp blue eyes land on me. "What took you so long to answer?" she questions, grabbing me by the shoulders. I chuckle softly, "Am I not allowed to use the restroom in peace?" I question.

The brunette behind her frowns, "Well usually you're not in the restroom for 3 hours. We were worried, Ryn." My forced smile smiles at the nickname as I glare at the brunette. She realizes her mistake and clears her throat, "We were just worried, Kathryn."

"Well, I'm fine. Is it okay if I go to my room? Or am I not allowed to?" I joke softly to lighten the mood. Emily bites her lips, moving aside to allow me to exit the restroom. I grab my phone from the counter and exit, slipping past the two and heading down the hallway to my room.

I eye the two with a small smile before slipping into the room.

Once the door is closed and locked, I collapse against it. I let in a shaky breath before tears pool on m waterline yet again. I cover my mouth and try not to let out a sound as I cry.

A/N: ⚠ TRIGGER WARNING! Signs of suicidal ideation, depression, and self-harm. ⚠

I quickly move away from the door and toward my bed. Unlocking my phone, I call the most recent number, placing the screen against my cheek as I wait impatiently. The line rings 5 times before the same voicemail box reaches my ears.

"The number you have dialed is unavailable at the moment, call back later or leave a message at the sound of the tone..."

Wiping my nose, I can't help but cry harder as I try to get my words out, hoping the person I was calling would hear. "Hi... Casey," I begin, feeling my heart clench at the thoughts playing in my head. "Uh. It's been a year since you left and I thought eventually I would get better but I feel terrible," I mutter honestly.

"I don't think I can go on another day."

I stop speaking as I hold the phone against my ear, unsure of how to continue. Would she even hear this? Or was she deleting my messages? Had she already been able to move on? Maybe I was being a clingy ex-girlfriend.

"Voicemail box is full please try your call later..." the call ends. 

Crying, I don't bother moving the phone. "Was I not good enough, Casey? Did you not love me enough to stay? I was hurting too...I'm still hurting. What about you?" I cry.

My voice dies down as I wipe my tears. "I miss you. I love you so much and I hope you're not dead but if you are... we'll see each other soon." Pulling the phone from my ear, I set it down on the bed beside me and tightly shut my eyes. 

I stand from the bed and make my way to the closet, quickly finding a bottle of Everclear I bought a week ago. Supposedly two shots can land you in the hospital. I sigh as I glance at the bottle, will three shots land me in the morgue?