CAKE

One Hundred-Thirteen

Kathryn 

3 days ago my best friend got married. 3 years ago, I would've probably been married too. 3 of my best friends are married. Somehow, I find it impossible to get away from that word. I felt like I no longer had anything to discuss with my friends. I was the oddball out. I was the only one in her mid-30s who was not engaged or married.

"What about you, Kathy?" I hear and finally allow myself to tune back into the conversation. "What?" I question as I blink and glance at the blonde and brunette across from me. Em sighs and tilts her head as she eyes me. 

Sophia eyes me as well, wondering what was going through my head. I mean, I don't blame them, I haven't exactly been myself since Casey decided to prioritize her relationship with Mallory. And I find it sad that I was hoping she'd realize at the wedding that it was me she was supposed to be with.

I sigh and shake my head, not wanting to talk about it. "How do you move on? How do I move on and heal?" I question.

"What?" Sophia questions, not sure where this was coming from.

Sighing, I glance at my friends. "I think I'm going to break up with Mateo," I mutter, glancing down at my cup of iced coffee. Silence rotates around the table before either of them has the balls to speak up. I'm not surprised to hear Emily's voice directed at me first.

"You know I would've supported that idea before you got pregnant."

Clenching my jaw, I nod my head in agreement. I am a shitty person for roping him in, getting pregnant with his child, and then dumping him not even 5 months into my pregnancy. I knew before I got pregnant that I didn't want our relationship to get to this point. But I let it.

Emily frowns as she crosses her arms over her chest and leans back into her seat, cornflower-blue eyes on me. "What is wrong with you?" she questions, genuinely curious. I part my lips to answer but the truth is, even I didn't have an answer to that. I didn't understand what was wrong with me.

Mateo is amazing. He's been amazing since we met. And each and every time I'm the reason we're going through a rough patch. I don't want to keep hurting him like this. I hate hurting him the way I have been. 

"Kathryn, you have to at some point realize that not everyone after Casey is going to break your heart. Mateo has proven time and time again that he loves you. If we're being honest, I would've left when you lied to him about Casey and acting like you two didn't know each other."

Clenching my jaw, I glance at my best friend. "Em, it's not easy."

"No, no it's not. It's not easy for me to sit here and try to support you when you're being a piece of shit to Mateo. You're acting no better than Thomas. Do you realize the damage you're putting on your relationship or are you hoping that when things fail with him, Casey's going to run back into your arms?"

Sophia glances at her wife, placing her hand on hers as if trying to tell her not to go there. But Emily was definitely going there. "In case you haven't noticed, Kathryn, Casey's moving on. Why can't you?"

"Would you move on from Sophia if she was with someone else?"

"I hate when you do that. The difference between my relationship with Sophia is that: A. we've been together since we were 14, B. We've been married for nearly 18 years, and C. we have kids together. Yes, I will not be able to move on from Sophia if she is with someone else. Kathryn you and Casey never got married! You've only known her for 9 years, she left you when your daughter and father-in-law died and you're still crazy about her for what reason?"

Letting out a breath, I grab my wallet from my purse and take out a twenty-dollar bill. "And now you're running because I'm right," the blonde scoffs.

"What do you want from me, Emily? Do you think it's easy for me to move on? In case you've forgotten I have like 4 other people in my head right now! Change isn't the easiest thing for me! Yes, I am still crazy about Casey because she was the only person I could be around without judgment for 9 years! Every person I was with you complained about! We were gonna get married and we had a child together, in case you forgot! And you weren't being supportive when she left. You didn't try to talk to me about her because after a while you got annoyed to hear me talking about her. You pushed me into this relationship when I wasn't ready, I am still not ready. So honestly, you can kiss my ass," I spit.