CAKE

On Hundred Thirty-Two

Kathryn

Letting out a breath, I glance at the last few pictures hanging up on the walls. I was pretty much done with packing. Room, bathroom, kitchen, dining room, almost everything was done. I couldn't entirely believe I was going through with it. I hated the idea of depending on someone, especially with living spaces.

But Mateo tells me over and over that I'm not depending on him. He'll add my name to the lease and we both have to put in for the rent, bills, groceries, etc. And that eases my mind a little. 

I wish I could've moved in the same week I suggested it but I had to stay until my lease was up or until they found another tenant otherwise I'd be paying unnecessary money. Now they were demanding I be out before the first of next month. 

Groaning, I lean back onto the couch, really breathing it in. 

It'll feel weird living together with Mateo although we were doing said thing here. But in a way it was different. Maybe it was because it was my name on the lease and not his. I was the sole person responsible for the rent and bills. I didn't have to depend on him.

We have a child now and I want to move on I know I can't do that when every time I exit my apartment I come face to face with Casey. 

I let out a breath as I glanced around again. I feel like I was just going in circles at this point. I wish I was strong enough to say no. Strong enough to end whatever this is I have with Mateo. We both know it's not going anywhere but for some dumb ass reason, we both won't end it. I chuckle lightly.

I tried to end it but he wouldn't let me. Maybe I should've been more persistent about it. I should've been more persistent about it. I still have a chance to end things. But Antonio... he doesn't deserve any of what we've put ourselves in. 

I knew it was stupid to have a child with a man I didn't want to be with. A part of me thought a child would fix how I felt. But it didn't. Maybe moving in with him will.

That's what he said. To try. And I am. I'm trying. I've been trying. 

Inhaling, I stand from the box in front of me and grab my keys from the coffee table in the living room. I make my way toward the door, sliding into a pair of shoes at the entrance. The moment I opened the door, I was startled to find a brown-skinned standing in front of me, her hand raised letting me know she was about to knock.

"Hi..." Mallory spoke with a sweet smile. I smile as well, wondering what she wants.

The woman glances behind her before her intense gaze meets mine. "I wanted to talk to you about something. May I come in? I would rather Casey not see me right now."

I raise my brows as I glance at Casey's apartment door across the way. "Uh... I guess," I mutter stepping aside and letting the woman in.

Mallory smiles once again before stepping into the apartment. I closed the door behind her and threw my keys on the couch, knowing I probably wasn't going to leave. 

I bite the inside of my cheek as I eye the woman, watching her eyes move around the apartment, realizing I was packing. Her cognac-brown eyes meet my gaze as she silently questions it. Clearing my throat, I jut my chin toward my things. "I've decided to move in with Mateo."

She nods her head. "Is that what you want?"

We hold each other's gaze for a few seconds before I shake my head. "No, but I... my relationship with him is important to me. I want him to see that I'm trying."

"You trying, Kathryn, would be to tell him the truth. But I don't think I have any right to give you relationship advice."

Smiling, I nod in agreement. I clear my throat again and glance around. "You wanted to talk about something? What was it?" I question, getting her back on track. She smiles as she leans onto the back of my couch, her eyes on me.

"Casey's birthday is coming up, as you know. And I know she doesn't like celebrating it, but she has a reason to this year. Or rather... I would like to celebrate it this year and I think she may need that."

Mallory eyes me before glancing away. "And you know Casey better than anyone. So I was thinking you could help me plan it."

"No."

Cognac-brown eyes don't spare a second as they glance at me in surprise. Maybe I had answered too quickly but helping would only make me remember things. Things about Casey I fell in love with and I didn't want to think about it.

"Kathryn--"

"No, Mallory. I-- I can't. I'm sorry. I just can't," I sigh, eyeing her sadly. The brown-skinned woman let out a breath as she nodded her head. Her gaze drops to the floor as she pushes herself off of the couch. 

"You know, Kathryn, I think it's great that you're trying. But I think you'd move on if you accepted the way you're feeling and tried to process it instead of trying to ignore it. Moving in with Mateo is dumb even for you. And I'm not saying any of this to belittle you. First, you need closure and you think you got it but you didn't. And then you need to figure out what it is YOU want."

Smiling, she makes her way to the door. "And by the way, you look nice with your hair up," she voices before exiting the apartment. I can't help but smile, memories from my time with Casey invading my mind.

Shaking my head, I decide to continue packing. 

- - - - -

"That's the last of it," Mateo smiles as he closes the front door with his foot. I eye the man as I hold a sleeping Antonio in my arms. "If something happens," I start but he frowns, taking a step closer.

"Nothing is going to happen. This is it, Kathryn. We're doing this. It's the right move."

I eye my boyfriend and bite my cheek in doubt but I don't say anything. I didn't want to ruin this moment. We were both somewhat happy. I wanted it to stay that way for a while. I force a smile and glance down at Antonio. "Yeah, you're right."

Stepping away from the dark-skinned man, I glance at him. "Your mom doesn't know you live here right? I mean she did want to be a better grandparent for Toni but... I don't need her popping in whenever she feels like it," I hiss.

Mateo chuckles as he wipes his eye. "No, baby, she doesn't know. No one does. Not even Stephanie and that's saying something. She'll kill me once she finds out you don't even live over there anymore."

I smile at that, glad it would stay a secret for as long as we wanted it to. "Good. I don't want to tell anyone. Not yet anyway. I just... I need to get used to it first."

"And you will. I make a great housemate," he jokes a shit-eating grin on his kissable lips. Smiling, I lean into the man and place a small kiss on the corner of his mouth. "Oh, no you don't."

I stop him before he can attack me. "Child," I mutter. Mateo rolls his eyes as he carefully grabs Antonio from my grasp. He makes his way toward the bedroom with the child to put him in the crib, leaving me alone to wallow in my thoughts.

Blinking, my eyes land on the figure standing in the corner of the room. I frown as the figure steps out from the shadows exposing a face I've grown annoyed of every time I look in the mirror. She had my face, my eyes... but I knew she wasn't me.

"We're doing this. It's the right move," she chuckles, shaking her head. With a smile on her face, she slowly makes her way to me. "You're so stupid, Kathryn. You've always been stupid. Gullible," her smile drops.

I swallow the lump in my throat as I watch the woman. "Mateo doesn't love you. I don't know what his plan is but he's going to hurt you in the end. You know it, I know it, hell even Antonio knows it and he's a baby. Why are you doing this to us? Haven't I been through enough? Haven't we been through enough? Let's call it quits. Let's dump him."

"Kathryn," my head snaps to my dark-skinned lover. He furrows his brows. "Are you okay?" he questions.

Smiling softly, I nod my head before glancing back to the corner of the room only to find it empty. Letting out a breath, I make my way toward the man. 

"Let's go to bed, I'm tired."