CAKE

One Hundred-Two

Kathryn 

It had been 14 days since Mateo and I have been on this vacation, which seemed surreal. But I guess the most surreal thing about this vacation was that I have yet to sit down with my boyfriend and have that talk. I wouldn't necessarily say I was purposefully putting it off, it was more that I didn't want to ruin the mood.

For once in the past few months since Casey's been back, I felt like my relationship with Mateo was going well. And I didn't want to ruin it by bringing up the fact that I was still in love with her. I felt as though it wouldn't just ruin the mood but our relationship as well. 

But I couldn't help but feel guilty for holding back. I promised myself that I'd be a better girlfriend and here I am, being as shitty as I have been for the past 5 months. 

"You've been quiet all morning," I hear and glance away from the vast sea to the dark-skinned woman taking a seat beside me. I smile softly, having grown used to having Ebony around. She was great company.

I hum and grab my mimosa, taking a small sip. "Yeah, I have a lot on my mind right now," I mutter honestly. Her brows raise, "Want to talk about it?"

My gaze leaves the woman and lands on Stephany making her way over. I clear my throat and avert my gaze back to the dark-skinned woman. "Thank you for offering, but I think I'll be fine." The woman eyes me before glancing behind her.

"Are you not scared of the two of them being around each other?" she questions quietly, turning back to me. I shake my head, "Even if they are both in love with each other, I feel like I have nothing to be afraid of. If Mateo wanted to be with her... we wouldn't be together. I trust him not to break my heart," I spit.

And that much was true. I trust Mateo. I trust him with my heart and he trusts me with his. Which is why I have to talk to him. 

Ebony scoffs, "Man, I wish I had your confidence. I feel like I'd be too insecure and petty to be in that kind of situation," she mutters, crossing her arms over her chest. I chuckle at the woman. "What are you two talking about over here?" Stephany questions as she sets down her plate of food.

The dark-skinned woman and I glance at the Hispanic woman before glancing at each other and shaking our heads with a knowing smile. I felt bad for Stephany as she glanced between us in confusion. 

Instead of remaining on the topic, Ebony decides to change it. "There's supposed to be a party tonight," she begins the new conversation. It interests Stephany immediately. I don't stay in the conversation long enough as my thoughts are once more clouded with guilt. 

I have to tell him. If not everything, enough so he could understand. I clench my jaw as a small question pops into my head. Will you tell him about Rai? 

Frowning, I shake my head internally. No. I can tell him everything else but nothing concerning him. I don't want to have to relive that more than I already have. Having to tell him about that and then telling him about the trauma I dealt with after that awful experience. That's a part of me I don't ever want to reveal. And I won't need to. It's not like that part of me is what's hurting our relationship.

"Kathryn," I hear and pull out of my daze quickly. My gaze lands on Mateo who has suddenly joined us. He eyes me, his brows raised in question. "Are you-"

I stand and clear my throat. "I need to use the restroom," I mutter softly before leaving the dining area. 

- - - - -

I let out a breath as I pace around the confinements of the room. I wouldn't prolong this conversation. It needed to happen. And I was going to get it done today. Despite avoiding Mateo every time he appeared, I was ready to talk to him. I just hoped he would let me.