Hell's Angel

Chapter 23

I am in the pit when several victims of a lightning strike come in, apparently the whole football team is down. "How did it strike all of them?" April asks Mark as I finish up paper work at the nurses station next to them, "well they're mostly flash burns." Mark explains "so it probably hit one of them, then conducted off the rest." April walks away and I hear Mark say "Lexie" making her stop.

I shoot Mark a look before handing my folder over to the nurse. He shoots one back that says he knows what he is doing before I walk away.

On the way up to the PEDS floor I see Derek "woah, where were you last night?" I ask coming into the attending's lounge, "I got taken in for speeding." He explains and I raise my brows "again? Seriously Derek?" He shoots me a glare and I let him continue "Meredith thought it would be a good idea to leave me there. All night." I grab my stethoscope from my locker. "I mean I don't blame her." I say, Derek gives me a look that says he deems me a traitor "you are supposed to be my friend not hers." I sigh heavily and come over to stand opposite him "you have a thing with danger, ever since the shooting." I swallow as it brings up images I would rather it didn't "you've been looking for that adrenaline rush again. It's not ok. So I'm going to back your wife up when she decides to leave you somewhere where you can't do yourself any harm."

Derek huffs clearly realising he can't win this argument. I bring him in for a hug but quickly wrinkle my nose and step away "Shepherd you smell disgusting." He pushes me gently and I smile, heading for the door "find a shower." I tease and leave the room quickly.

"Incision looks great." Teddy says, inspecting a baby in our PICU, I'm checking another baby but drifted over to join their conversation "I hear you and Torres are shacking up." I say crossing my arms over my chest. A smile broaden on Arizona's face "yeah." She says laughing awkwardly. Teddy and I exchange glances "do we sound more excited than you?" She asks and Arizona shakes her head "no, no, I am. I am." She repeats "how's it going with the hot, trauma counsellor?"

She moves the conversation on and we let her, clearly sensing more to the story but not wanting to push. Teddy goes slightly red and takes her stethoscope from around her neck "I have to say, it's great." She tells us "the conversation never stops, I feel.... I don't know. I feel good whenever I see him." We all pause as she listens the baby's heart "no heart murmur. Good girl."

I flick a piece of hair away from my eyes and ask "what do you talk about? What's he like?" Arizona looks up from her clipboard to hear the answer "he's.... Well, he likes to....." Teddy starts but finds herself stuck as she realises she doesn't actually know anything about him. She laughs slightly "I guess I mostly talk and he mostly listens." She admits "he's an amazingly good listener."

Arizona and I smile awkwardly and the blonde says "well, he should be. It's what he gets paid for." Teddy looks at us and laughs "yeah." Then realisation goes over her face. She moves the conversation on like Arizona did and I guess it's my turn as she asks me "so what are you doing? With Avery I mean." I shrug, peering at the little baby girl in the bed that we are crowding around "we decided yesterday that we should break up." There is a silence so I explain "I'm still not totally over what happened here. We haven't been the same since it actually, like something was just taken away from our relationship."

Arizona clears her throat "are you.... Are you getting back with Karev?" She asks gently and I shake my head "no." I answer kindly "I need to work on myself. I need to be by myself for a while." Teddy snorts and I smile "seems like all our love lives are tragic." I raise a hand, glad of the lighthearted feel we have back in the conversation "hey! I don't have a love life so I don't count." We all laugh.

Mark and I are walking in silence when we see Derek coming down the stairs "hey." Mark calls "how was your night in jail? You shank someone right off the bat? You got to let the other cons know not to mess with you." I snort, clutching my folder tightly in my right hand "I hope you didn't drop the soap." I jest, Derek doesn't look very amused. "That's not funny." He says as we stop at the main desk "they almost charged me with reckless endangerment."

None of us notice Webber until he says "I'm sorry, what? That's where you've been all morning? In jail for reckless endangerment?" Mark and I smirk as Derek turns to face the chief. "Nobody was endangered." The neurosurgeon says, his voice quiet. Webber has his hands on his hips "I can't have this Derek, I won't....." Derek cuts him off before he starts going on a rant "have you ever been over 120 miles an hour before? Richard have you been over 80? It's fun."

I want to slap this man and his stupid head. How can one of the most brilliant people I know also be one of the stupidest? "It's really fun." He continues "I mean, especially when you got through a corner like that at that speed and you're not sure if the rear end's gonna stick or not. And you loose control and put the throttle down and the car corrects a bit." He sounds like a kid in a candy store and Richard looks like the disappointed parent. I snort and check my pager "I've got to go but keep me in know if Derek gets murdered by Meredith or Webber first." Mark nods, the smirk still on his face "will do Tearney."

It's pouring rain, I've just gotten out of the OR and I am going to go out and stand in the rain. "Andy!" I hear Mark, I turn and stop, he comes over to me "I just want you to know" he says "that if you love Karev, really love him, then you shouldn't wait. Go and be with him." I put a hand on my forehead, "Mark? What?" I ask and he explains, looking at me with intensity "look I see the way you two look at each other, you are meant to be together. As your best friend I am obligated to say and to say you shouldn't waist another minute without him. I had a patient who was struck by lightning today, her and the love of her life got struck by lightning while playing flag football and they could have died without admitting their feelings for each other. So tell Karev how you feel."

I laugh, shaking my head "Mark, that's different. They almost died and came out stronger for it. We almost died and my world is falling apart, I need to heal myself first. I need to heal myself for me, not to for someone else. For me." He seems a little stunned. I take off my scrub cap "now I am going to stand in the rain and let myself feel alive for a few moments."

I walk out of the entrance, I am soaked almost instantly but I just stand there. I turn my face to the sky, letting the cold water glide down my face and I close my eyes. I don't know how long I stand there, taking in the fresh air, the cold of the rain and the feeling of being alive. Someone comes over and stands next to me "heard you broke up with Jackson." It's Alex. I let my head turn to him and I open my eyes "I'm healing." I tell him. He nods, putting his hands in his pockets "I know." He pauses "but do you have to do it in the rain? I mean it's freezing." I laugh and watch Alex wince, clutching his side where I know the bullet is still.

"You should let Bailey take that out." I say turning my head up again "I know." He says "I will." I smile up at the stars "I just had a successful surgery." I say to fill the silence, "I discharged two patients and managed to get through a day without having a reaction to something. And now I'm standing in the rain and for the first time since everything I feel alive."

There is another silence, it goes on for so long I turn and find Alex looking at me "you are the kindest, bravest, most beautiful person I have ever met." He tells me, a blush rises on my cheeks "and I'll be here when your ready, when you feel healed enough not to feel like a burden." He turns and starts back for the hospital "get that bullet out!" I call and he turns and army salutes me. I laugh.

I stay in the rain a little while longer.