Lost

Chapter 34

|| Trigger Warning||
This chapter contains abusive parenting and implied physical abuse.

×~ Sweet Dreams? ~×

I looked over the edge of my balcony and stared into the vast starry expanse of the end. Gentle music floated through the air, warming its cold surroundings with beautiful melodies. I found myself subconsciously humming along to the familiar tune unbothered by the constant strong winds that beat against me.

The slow and relaxing sounds were disrupted by sudden harsh knocks coming from behind me. I quickly turned around and started running towards my door but stopped just as my hand was about to reach the handle. I looked back at the balcony and considered just jumping out of it instead of having this conversation.

"Peace, I know you're in there!" My mother yelled in harsh tones and I cringed at the use of my old name, but I knew I couldn't say anything about it, "Open the door so we can talk about what you did."

"I'll be at the door in a moment mother, just give me a few seconds," I responded in the sweetest tone I could muster as I ran from the door over to where I had last thrown my cloak and shoes and quickly slipped them on.

"Don't talk to your mother like that, and hurry the hell up, I'm getting impatient, and you know what happens when I get impatient," I shuddered at the thought of what that statement implied before running over to my balcony and swinging one of my legs over the railing.

"I'm almost done mother, don't worry," I called back, being less careful about sounding polite this time. I ignored their shouts of anger as I swung my other leg over the railing and inched a little closer to the wall. I bent down and grabbed onto the lowest ledge I could and jumped.

I dangled off the edge of the building over the void; if I lost my grip I had no way of saving myself but I didn't let fear take me over. I slung my feet closer to the wall, looking for the stone ledge that protruded just about a foot off the building. I soon found it and was quick to place my weight on it and finally let go of the ledge, wobbling a bit but remaining stable.

I was now facing to face with the void with nothing stopping me from falling in; if a gust of wind was too strong and hit me in the wrong way I would be doomed. I started inching further and further away from my balcony hoping I would be out of sight by the time they broke into my room. Slowly I got more confident with my footing and I started taking larger and more dangerous steps.

I froze when I heard a slam coming from my room followed by loud angry footsteps heading towards my balcony. Soon my mother was standing on my small balcony, their face contorted with anger. They were yelling at me, I couldn't hear their words, I was drowning in fear. I need to get out of here; I need to run, this place isn't safe.

As I was about to take another step away from them I slipped. It was like everything was in slow motion. As I fell I turned and reached for the ledge I had just been standing on. My fingers met the smooth yellowy-tan stone but I couldn't get a grip on it so it fell out of my reach and my fate was sealed.

I looked over at where my mother stood, hoping for some sort of comfort in their gaze but I didn't get any. Their cruel green eyes stared at me contently as a satisfied smile spread across their face; it felt like they had been waiting for this moment for years. I can't let them have the satisfaction.

My fear quickly changed to anger as I focused all my energy on doing something I hadn't attempted in a long time. I refuse to let myself drown in the inky abyss of the void and let them have that joy. I closed my eyes and let out one last breath. I started to feel incredibly nauseous but that nausea quickly turned to a searing pain that spread throughout my body. And just as I was about to be swallowed by the void I was gone.

I was jolted awake by a sudden yell, "Ranboo, wake up!" My eyes snapped open and I was further startled by the blue-eyed gaze of a goat hybrid only a few inches away from me. "Jesus Christ took you long enough,"

"Sorry," I softly uttered as I averted my gaze from their eyes and started staring at the snow-covered ground beneath us. For a few moments, I couldn't remember who they were but after a little thought, it came back to me.

"You're fine," Tubbo started with a laugh "I just didn't expect you to be such a sound sleeper."

"Me neither," I shrugged, "I've never had trouble waking up before."

"That's strange," I nodded in response to the goat hybrid's statement.

"A little bit, yeah."

"Welp! No need to dwell on that." Tubbo exclaimed, "Let's get going, I'm excited to finally get something to eat." I quickly nodded as we started to climb down the tree. Tubbo, being much more eager and much clumsier than me, ended up stumbling once they hit the ground which caused me to snort with laughter, but that didn't deter them as they ended up running in what felt like a random direction.

I soon chased after them, carefully weaving through the dense trees, bushes and thorns. I slowed down to stop once I saw them in the distance. They were sitting on their knees, facing in the opposite direction, and the snow around them was heavily disturbed. They also appeared to be eating something. After a few seconds, I decided to approach them.

"Hey, Tubbo," Once I spoke Tubbo turned to face me; they had a little bit of what appeared to be blood smeared on the left corner of their mouth.

"Sup," They quickly turned back around and continued what they were doing.

"What are you eating?"

"The deer from yesterday," They didn't turn to face me this time when they spoke.

"Oh, yeah," I had completely forgotten about the deer and its horrible gurgling.

"Did you forget about it, or something?" They sputtered out between bites.

"Uh..." I paused, "No?" They turned to face me for a moment only to glare at me before, calling my bluff turning back in the direction they were facing before.

"You should eat something," Tubbo offered sympathetically as they turned to face me again, this time not immediately turning back around.

I glanced down at the snow-covered deer carcase, "I'm not hungry," I quietly spat out.

Tubbo sighed, "You should eat anyway, we won't be able to take all of the meat with us so we're going to need to heavily ration it." They paused waiting for me to say something but when I didn't they continued, "This is probably the last time you'll be able to eat 'til you're full until we either make it to the village or find someone from the group, so just eat."

"I don't-"

Tubbo cut me off, "Unless of course, you want to go hunting again." I didn't need to say anything for them to know just what I thought of that idea; my face gave it all away, "Just sit down already."

I nodded, slightly upset that I lost the argument. I slowly sat down and forced down the raw frozen meat the Tubbo presented to me. I don't think it's the worst thing I've eaten but the biting cold and the memory of the deer dying are what made it so difficult.

It took me much longer to eat than it did for Tubbo for obvious reasons. While I was eating I had to offer up my bag to Tubbo so they could start filling it with frozen meat as I finished up. Sadly my books and map had to be evicted so they wouldn't get ruined and so there was more room in the bag. Tubbo suggested leaving the books behind so I didn't have to carry them around for the next few days and when I rejected this offer they suggested leaving just one. I rejected this again because I've had them too long now just to get rid of them.

We soon left with full bellies and a newfound determination to make it to the village. We weren't going to freeze and we were relying on each other to make sure of that. Tubbo wanted to make sure Tommy doesn't blame himself for what happened and I want to die with more than just a few months of memories to my name.

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