A Court of Love and Healing {ACOTAR}

Be Glad of Your Aching Heart

Entering the House of Wind, Azriel's face immediately scrunches and his shadows open up all of the windows.

"Cauldron boil me, it reeks in here!", he groans.

Nesta saunters out into the foyer in a navy blue silken robe, grinning from ear to ear. Cass follows closely behind wearing only the siphons on his hands and pants.

"Hello, brother", Cass laughs, flying over to him and nearly tackling him in a hug.

"Ugh, you're sweaty, get off."

Cassian laughs and extends a hand to Nesta and brings it to his lips, kissing it. "It's not sweat, it's water. We just enjoyed a long, hot shower and—"

"You are like rabbits, I swear. I do not need the details."

Nesta smirks and shrugs. "Aww Az, the details may turn you on."

Azriel shudders, trying to get the mental image out of his head, though if he's honest, she isn't wrong. "Not interested, thank you. Not to mention I was training not too long ago, and my session was crudely interrupted by certain someones", he cringes to express his disgust. "The dining table? Really? You better bleach the fucking shit out of that thing, or I am never staying here again."

Nesta rolls her eyes and goes into the kitchen, asking the house for some tea. It obliges. "You forget that my house is one of my friends, Azriel. It knows when to self-clean. Like a certain bod—"

"Nope. I'm leaving. Goodbye and good night.."

Cassian howls with laughter and pulls Nesta close, his nose buried into the crook of her neck as she amusedly sips her tea. Azriel takes to the sky once again, running a scarred hand through his hair as a depressing thought crosses his mind. Everywhere he goes, he is surrounded with love, but none is reserved solely for him. There is no designated home for him to escape from the doting couples. As he had told Elain before, he isn't quite sure where he fits in; he never was.

Going back to the River House, he sneaks in and makes his way to his bedroom. Closing and securing the door, he strips down to his underwear and lies on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. Mor was off in Vallahan for another leg of her soul-searching vacation and Amren was in the Summer Court; a weekend stay with Varian. Lucien's scent lingered in the halls, but it was faded enough to know that he had left already, and Azriel certainly wasn't ready to go down a rabbit hole with Elain. He had been avoiding her for months anyway; ever since Rhys had given him the High Lord order to stay away from her. Something he could be severely punished for if he broke. Something he believes Rhys nor Feyre would have any issue dishing out a punishment for either.

Taking in the silence as his shadows twirl around him contentedly, he allows his eyes to close and his mind to drift. Maybe Gwyn was right. Maybe being so secretive and too guarded all the time was hindering his relationships. Make no mistake, he was a master at his job and could be cold-hearted and downright vicious when the need arose, but did he have to let that simmer and linger the way he does? Probably not, but life had always been easier that way. He's a smooth-talker in his own right but he could never be as open and aloof as Cassian, or as suave and dignified as Rhys.

He was just...Azriel, the Shadowsinger. Azriel, the Spymaster. Azriel, the brother. Azriel, the Lord of Darkness. Azriel, the unwanted Illyrian bastard unfit for love. As much as Cassian hates where he came from, and hates being labeled a bastard in his own right, he was always liked by the people of Velaris. A friendly chat or a polite gesture was not far from the constant day to day comings and goings for his brother. For Azriel, he had to learn how to survive in the dark, to thrive there, to be content there. His shadows became one with him and continue to be. As helpful as they can be, they have a habit of putting people off, so friendly chats were rare and polite gestures included people of Velaris trying very hard to look at his face, rather than his scars or his shadows. While the three brothers had always been a unit, Azriel was still the odd one out.