A Court of Love and Healing {ACOTAR}

The Impact of a Mother

The fire roars quietly as Nesta pulls the blanket further over her knees, turning the page of her book. She reads the page at least five times before he huffs and gives up, her mind spinning and unable to focus on it, which is frustrating because she would usually be entranced with it.

Placing it on the coffee table, she sighs. "House, can I have some tea, please?"

Within moments, a steaming mug of tea appears in front of her. A soft smile comes to her lips as she takes and warms her hands with it. The Autumn air has gotten colder recently, especially in the evening. Unfortunately, Cassian had some emissary work to do for Rhys which included visiting Jurian and Vassa.

She can't help but let out a snort, wondering what Cassian will think when Lucien isn't there. Elain had informed her that she and Lucien had finally accepted their mate bond and they have been spending nearly every waking moment together, much like she and Cassian did for so many months leading up to their ceremony and months after that. Thinking of them, she can't help but be extremely pleased, since Gwyn had always had a crush on Azriel too, and them being mates was the best news in the world to Nesta. Even Emerie had found her mate, and it seems all their happy endings are snapping into place just as the next war looms, which creates an uncomfortable knot in Nesta's chest. Fear about that future rises, but she swallows it down, reminding herself that it's not today, and to live in the moment.

Despite that, she can't help the memory of Cassian bloodied and dying in front of the King of Hybern from coming into her mind. Elain had said something ominous that has stuck with her ever since, regarding her mate. That it was enough to kill him, had he not gotten help right away.

Shuddering, she clings tighter to her tea and brings it to her cheek, sniffling and looking out the window to the cloudiness, wondering when he will be home. As if on cue, she heard a loud thump on the roof and a smile comes to her face. Moments later, his clunky steps fill the hallway toward the room she's in.

"Nes?"

"In here", she replies.

He comes in, tucking his wings behind his back. "Tea? Are you still not feeling well?"

"I'm okay, just a bit cold. That's why I put the fireplace on."

"I could help with that", he waggles his eyebrows.

Nesta rolls her eyes and motions to the other cushion. Cassian sits down and pulls her legs over his lap.

"How was your day of relaxation?"

"Good, but a little boring."

Cassian glances at her book and furrows his brow. "That's the same book from this morning. I'm shocked you haven't finished it, you usually go through at least three in a day when I leave you alone."

Nesta shrugs and rubs her arms. My mind was elsewhere I guess."

"Now I'm worried", he murmurs, beginning to rub her feet, eliciting a soft groan.

"That feels nice", she says. "You don't have to be worried, I'm just not having a great mental health day, I suppose."

"I would have stayed home with you." His eyebrows knit together in concern.

"No, you needed to work. This war is looming close and—and it's good to be as prepared as we possibly can."

"Right..."

Nesta swallows hard and looks at the fire absently.

"Talk to me, Nes. Please?"

Nesta takes a shaky breath and meets his eyes. "I was just thinking about everything we've had to go through to end up right here, right now. And what would've happened to me if you had died...in the last war", she whispers, her voice cracking.