A Court of Love and Healing {ACOTAR}

Through Elain's Eyes

"Elain, I've got to go in about in about an hour", Lucien mumbles on her lips, tugging her closer despite his words.

Elain tangles her fingers in his hair and smiles softly on his lips. "Mhh, I don't like when you go, but our promise for tonight hopefully assures that you'll be back."

She gazes at him with her big, brown doe eyes. They sparkle mischievously and Lucien swallows hard, absolutely adoring this new side of Elain. The one that's out of her shell and happy. Being the one that was chosen by the Cauldron to make her happy is the biggest gift he ever could have been given.

"Elain, I am a mated male. You are mine and I am yours. There is not one version of us where I wouldn't return until I've been slain. You are my everything now. One that I have been waiting centuries for. My saving grace."

"Don't say that", she whispers. "Don't even entertain the thought that you'd ever be killed. I'd protect you. I know my family doesn't believe I have a strong, fighter-like bone in my entire being, but they tend to forget that I am the one who stabbed the King of Hybern through the damn throat to protect Nesta. I may not prefer violence, but I have no qualms about becoming murderous when my loved ones are in danger. Not now that I've grown. We are equals, which means that as much as you protect me, I protect you as well. Whether it be bodily, or simply in name and honor."

Lucien tugs her against him and claims her mouth, hungrily and desperately, earning a squeak of surprise and a hum of approval as she returns the kiss just as fervently. "Elain", he murmurs breathily.

"Lucien", she whispers against him.

"I will be home tonight. I won't let you down." He pecks her lips again sensually before kissing her forehead. "And I know how fierce you can be. I don't feed into that silly idea that you are weak or fragile. Kindness and gentleness is not a weakness, it's a strength in and of itself too."

She wraps her arms around him and lies her head on his chest. "It may be crazy, but I'm nervous."

"For tonight?"

"Yes..."

"My sweet, you know there is nothing I would do if you weren't ready."

"I know that, Lucien." Her eyes meet his again. "It's just—", she swallows hard. "What if I am not good enough?"

He scoffs lightly. "There is no possibility of that happening."

"You don't know that. I-I've only...I mean—with Graysen", she grimaces a bit.

"I'm well aware, Elain."

"I've never been good enough for anything in my life", she admits. "I've never been the hero like Feyre or the warrior like Nesta. And as a kid...I was either sucked into my mother's ploy to trade me for wealth, or I was kept on a tight leash while being ignored." She takes a deep breath and nuzzles his chest. "I wasn't always this rigid and frilly."

"I don't believe that bullshit about you never being good enough. It's the people around you that made you feel that way, it's not the truth. And you know that I already know you're not some dress-up doll, I've seen you get your hands dirty."

Elain intertwines their fingers and nods weakly. "I witnessed and went through a lot as a kid. Compared to Nesta it was nothing, and then Feyre...I've—I've been a shell for a very long time trying to cope. I'm still not one hundred percent sure who I am, Lucien. I'm figuring it out. Myself, my powers, my...fae-ness."

Lucien tips her chin with his free hand and nuzzles his nose on hers lovingly. "And I will help you find yourself. I will support you and cheer you on, my sweet."

Her eyes flutter closed. "You've quickly become my rock, Lucien. I wish I gave you a chance sooner. I'm sorry. I guess that was just another mistake or undershot on my part."