A Court of Love and Healing {ACOTAR}

Bonds and Bonding

Gwyn leads Azriel into their sparkling new bathroom and takes a shaky breath before she drops his hand. He is quiet as she closes the door and he leans back against it casually, completely still and waiting for her to speak.

She casts him a nervous glance before smiling shyly, going over and hugging him around the middle. His arms wrap around her shorter form and he places a kiss to the top of her head.

"I haven't um...I haven't done this in a very long time. Not since Catrin died. And I'm not nervous because of you...not completely."

"Gwyn, whatever it is, I don't want you to push yourself too hard. If you're not ready, it's okay."

"No. I-It's not. It's been long enough, and I'm a Valkyrie now, and I'm reforming my life, so I need to make the steps and be unafraid. Nothing can break me, right?"

"Not if I have anything to say about it", he mumbles, eliciting a sweet smile from her. He expects her teasing about the overprotective mate, but it doesn't come. Instead, the nervous look comes back to her features. Looking up at him, she bites her lower lip.

"I love you, Azriel."

"I love you, Gwyneth."

Swallowing hard, she steps back and slips her shirt off, revealing a simple white bra underneath, her torso flecked with freckles like her face.

"Gwyn..."

She looks into his eyes. "I'm not afraid of you, Az. You're my mate, and before that, my savior. I'm just nervous because...", she trails off.

"I know." His eyes harden slightly as a flicker of memory from the night he slaughtered those soldiers scratches at the back of his mind. "That doesn't mean my being here will be easy, trust or not, that panic can arise with trauma."

Her eyes water slightly and she strokes the long necklace, the smooth, rounded blue stone settled between her small breasts.

Azriel stays where he is, despite wanting more than anything to wipe her tears away. If only to prove the trust they have in her state of vulnerability. "You know, sometimes I'm still afraid of fire."

Gwyn blinks and looks over at him, surprised. "You are?"

"Yes", he replies, taking a deep breath. "But I've never told anybody that. In fact, every time the Autumn Court devils are in my vicinity, everything inside of me wants to run away. Because they are as vile as my own brothers, and I remember the feeling of flames on my skin."

A tear slips down her cheek and she reaches over, taking a scarred hand in hers. "I'm sorry. But thank you for telling me, it makes me feel like I'm not overreacting as much as I thought."

Azriel cups her cheek with his free hand, his thumb wiping away the shed tear. "You are not overreacting. Whatever you're feeling is completely valid, Gwyn. I spent most of my life feeling like I was weak and pathetic. Even now I have really bad days. And what you went through, what you survived..." He swallows hard. "You have every fucking right to feel how you feel. I know that it's the situation, not me as a person. You don't have to apologize."

Gwyn lies her head on his chest and nods, stroking over his siphon. "I wish everyone saw you the way I see you."

"But then the completely real me wouldn't be all for you, love."

She smiles and pecks his lips lightly. Walking over to the tub, she runs the water so it begins to fill, then slips her leggings off, her face turning deep red in embarrassment.

Azriel stays entirely still at the threshold of the room, trying to look as casual and non-threatening as he can.

"I-I know that this isn't...y'know, and I know it might be a while but—", she hesitates before wringing her hands shyly, her voice lowering to a shy whisper. "I still want to look...appealing. You're still my mate."