A Court of Love and Healing {ACOTAR}

Past Friends and New Love

"Tamlin", Alis breathes out softly, taking in the male she had left on the brink of collapse, the lines of her tree-bark face pinching with her guilt-ridden expression.

Tamlin's eyes blaze with light, his claws barely contained between his knuckles.

"Tam", Lucien murmurs, squeezing his shoulder.

"Why?", he chokes out, looking at her. "Why...?"

Alis doesn't balk from his stare, his brokenness shining through on his face. "I didn't know the extent...I...she was a friend. She was suffering, and she did not want to be here. I figured she would get some petty revenge and leave. I-I did not know that she...gods...you made her come back here and she never wanted to be here. You knew that and you didn't care. I was trying to help her get home, where she belonged. She did not belong here anymore."

"That was not your call! You did not know the full story, and I am fucking sick of everyone making baseless assumptions because they choose to think the worst of me! Why are you even here? Why bother showing your face when you knew I would only be angry? Why now? Why when I am feeling better does everything always come crashing down?" His claws punch out and his breaths come fast, that blinding glow around his body.

Still, she doesn't balk. "Because I realized that I owed you an apology."

"What?", he blinks.

"I owe you an apology. You took me in when I fled, you took me in when I needed a home and income. You provided for me even when your own Court was suffering, and you sheltered my nephews. And I thought...I thought helping Feyre was the right thing to do, but I never expected an impact that awful. I am sorry, Tamlin. For my part in it, and for thinking the worst of you when you were so kind to me when I needed it. I asked Lucien and Tarquin if I could come and at the very least, say my peace. I owe you that much, even if you want nothing to do with me. I will never forget the things you did for me."

After a brief pause, Tamlin not knowing quite how to respond, she bows her head. "Are you at least doing okay now?"

"I'm okay, but I'm not fine. If...that makes sense."

Lucien swallows worriedly. His friend had seemed like he was improving so much, but hearing that from his own lips, that he is still struggling inwardly...

"I didn't want to add to your troubles. I thought I was helping a traumatized girl and...I underestimated her too. Turns out she isn't that mortal girl we both knew, hm?"

"No. No, she is not." His eyes harden and his jaw sets, a metaphorical cloud seeming to cross over his face, as angry as he is, Lucien can see the underlying hurt.

Alis takes another step toward him and extends her brown hand. "You do not need to give your forgiveness to me. But I would like to be on better terms."

Tamlin looks at her wearily and something inside him breaks. Eyes fluttering in defeat, he wraps his arms around her and hugs her. He shudders and tears silently fall down his face, sniffing.

Alis hugs him tightly and pats his back. "Oh, Tamlin..."

"You...", he stumbles over the words, never one to be so vulnerable, it still terrified him. "You never took my shit. You were always real with me, and truthful. You—you helped me too. You were like the mother I couldn't have. My mother...she loved me fiercely, but she always held back in fear and devotion to my father. But you were like who she was in those private moments. Who she could have been if it wasn't for my father. You made me feel like I was worth something. Even when you scolded me", he scoffs a sad chuckle. "Even on days I didn't think I was doing the right thing...when decisions were fucking impossible to make."