Hey guys Bubbles here! so this is a continuation from 'perceptions' by guiltyshirts on Mindcrack love. Also I took inspiration for Kurt's own thoughts from 'Falling' by pollytheparot also on mindcrack love. Ever since I read it I've been wanting to try my hand at Kurt's insecurities and self doubts, and Zisteau patient, and loving side. Sooo.... here you go! (hopefully it doesn't suck) I really hope you guys enjoy and such!
BYE!!!! :)
Kurt's POV
Bdubs went off to find Guude... for obvious reasons. I refilled my glass and I went back out to the balcony. I sank down and leaned my back against the cold stone wall.
I know I should be in there enjoying myself, but I just can't handle the crowd. Just the thought of it makes me cringe, plus now I have this new information to divulge and digest. Bdubs obviously wants me to come out of my shell, which I don't think is possible. I've been trying my whole life.
I accepted the invitation to join Mindcrack thinking it would be a step in the right direction, but I feel like I've taken two backwards. Now I can't even enjoy time with the people I call friends and consider family, and I can't even face the fact that I'm hopelessly falling for someone, that probably doesn't even like me, let alone notice me.
I've tried so many times to muster up the courage to talk to him, to tell him, but every time, I would freeze up and make some excuse to leave, or just walk out. He probably thinks of me as this small, scared, helpless person, who runs from his problems.... maybe that's exactly what I am, a hopeless person. I will never be good enough for him. I will just wallow in the pain of never being good enough for him, never being able to have him. I'm so.... hopeless.
Zisteau's POV
I stood by a giggling Vechs, cup of scotch in hand. I scanned the crowd looking for someone in particular. He must have went home, sadly. I wish he would have stayed. I know he isn't a fan of crowds... or people in general, but I bet he could've had fun if he was by my side. Especially if.... no, no Zisteau, you can't be thinking like that, he probably doesn't even like you like that.
I go to take a sip of my scotch but find my glass empty. I head over to the bar and get a refill. I sip my scotch and head out to the balcony for some fresh air. To my surprise I see a person in a long trench coat, he has his head in his hands, a glass of scotch beside him.
"Kurt, you ok?" I ask gently taking a seat beside him.
He lifts his head up, tears making wet streaks down his cheeks.
"Kurt, what's wrong?" I ask just as gently
"I-I just.." He stutters out.
I put a hand on his shoulder, I can feel him tense up.
"You just what?" I ask
"I'm hopelessly falling for someone, but I'm not good enough, I never will be." Kurt says
"Kurt" I say and use two fingers to move his chin so he is looking at me. "You are so perfect"
"But I'm-I'm not good enough. I'm just this weak shell of a person. To afraid to even be with my friends."
"Kurt, don't think that, you are absolutely perfect. And yes you have flaws, but that's what makes you, you. And I love everyone one of your flaws, your strengths, and your weaknesses."
"You-you... love... me?"
"Yes I do. You have had me wrapped around your finger, from the first time I laid my eyes on you."
"I-I" Kurt stutters
"It's ok Kurt, take your time." I say and gently squeeze his shoulder.
We sit in a comfortable silence.
"I-I don't know if I will ever be good enough.... but I'm willing to try, as long as your by my side." Kurt say quietly
"That's all I ask, is that you let me stand by you, and help you, and make you feel welcome and wanted."
Kurt looks at me. his eyes are glazed with layers of emotions, fear, sadness, brokenness, but hidden behind all that, almost not visible, is a spark of hope, i'll be it small, but it's still there.
