Based off of a poem by BigEZ_6565
Enjoy!
Kurt walked through the small town he called home, his eyes glued to the ground, a heavy weight on his shoulders. He felt like the world hated him, like everything did, really. He felt like he was constantly failing, not just himself, but every one. He knew he was, there was no denying that. Every one kept telling him that nothing was wrong, that everything was perfect, but nothing was, not in his dark, dreary world.
He went on walks constantly, that was the only way to keep himself from doing anything he regretted, though he knew he'd already done enough to himself. If the scars and fresh cuts on his wrists weren't enough to prove that, then he didn't know what was. But, these walks helped and made things worse, they gave him time to think, which was a bad thing. One thought was constantly on his mind, I wish I were dead. He wanted that so much, yet he hadn't done it. He felt that whatever was to come of this life, after death, would be far better then anything this life had given him.
But, with the constant feeling of being watched, he just couldn't find a time to do it. Poor Beef, constantly keeping an eye on him, it's like he thought he wasn't stable, which he wasn't but that's not the point. He wanted to tell Beef to stop, to quit worrying about him, but he couldn't find it in him to. He was shy, yes, and talking to people made him uncomfortable, but why should that stop him from talking to his friend? But, at the end of the day, he just couldn't do it. Maybe he wanted the support, he pondered briefly, but shoved that thought aside. He knew he didn't want it, what he wanted was to be dead, but where was that getting him, absolutely no where.
As Kurt walked, he passed by the fountain in the town square. When he saw the purple glow of the nether portal he stopped, pondering it. He stepped into the soft purple glow and waited for the magic of the portal to take him to the fiery hell called the nether. He stepped out of the portal, wandering out of the safety of the nether hub and walked through the scorching hot nether, a thought briefly catching his attention; maybe I'll be lucky and fall into a pit of lava.
He wandered around for hours, just trying to find a way to silence his never ending stream of depressing thoughts. Eventually, he gave up and went back to the safety of the over world, where the sun had fallen and the moons light took over the land, casting everything in shadows. He knew the risks of being out at night, but he couldn't find it in himself to care. For all it mattered, he wished for a skeleton to jump out of the shadows and shoot him, or a zombie to maul his face, or maybe a creeper would blow him up, maybe even an enderman would screech in his face and prey on him. Ah, but one could only hope.
He made it back to the observatory, his home, without seeing a signal mob. He cursed his luck, but went inside anyway and went up into the dome, where he laid on the ground and watched the moon slowly go across the sky, not caring that it was cold, or that he was tired.
Sun shone down into the dome, lighting up the sleeping man, who looked very uncomfortable. He woke suddenly, hearing a knock on the door. He grumbled as he pulled himself off of the ground and made his way down the spiral stairs. He wasn't thrilled at the thought of a guest, but he answered the door anyway.
"Hey Kurt!" Beef said cheerily, though the smile he wore quickly fell to a thin line. "You look awful... Have you been taking care of yourself?"
He shrugged. "Sorta."
"This isn't healthy.... When did you eat last?"
He took a second to recall. "Yesterday morning maybe." He could've lied, but he knew Beef would see right through it.
"Kurt.... You've really gotta take better care of yourself. You could end up starving to death or something."
"Maybe that's what I want." He mumbled.
"Don't say that Kurt!"
"Why not, it's true. I'd rather die than suffer through living."
"Why do you want to die?"
"Because there's no reason to live. There's no reason to talk anymore of the pain thrown at me daily."
"You have every reason to live!"
"Like what? The constant reminder that my parents hated me, that Wolfie died, that everything I worked for is ruined. And that doesn't even began to scrap the surface, Beef. That doesn't even mention the constant pain of knowing you'll never marry the one person you ever loved because they died in your arms. That is why Beef, that is why I'd rather be dead." He shouted, storming out of the house and down the street, leaving Beef standing in shock.
He just wanted it all to end. He didn't want to live another day in constant pain remembering all the world had taken from him. It had taken his beautiful fiancé MK, it had taken his loyal companion Wolfie, it had taken all the work he'd ever done for the charity he worked so hard on and burned it all down with a strike of lightning. Everything he'd ever worked for, everything he'd ever loved, was wrongfully taken from him, leaving him an empty shell of the person he used to be. And now, he didn't even want to live, all he wanted was to finally have an ending, to finally maybe find peace, but with his luck, even death wouldn't bring him that.
He made his way towards spawn, knowing if he went to MK's house, that was supposed to be theirs when they got married, that he'd be able to do it, that he'd finally be able to end it all. His eyes were glued to the ground as he walked through spawn, knowing the tears in his eyes would only bring more attention to himself. But, much to his luck, he walked straight into someone, or something, rather. A pigman. Oh great, I'll be mauled to death, what a perfect way to go, he thought to himself as the pigman turned and faced him, a look of slight annoyance on its face, though it looked more confused than anything.
That surprised Kurt; most pigmen were mindless creature that wander the nether aimlessly. He looked more intelligent, having an almost insightful look in It's blue-green eyes, which seemed far too bright for what species it was.
"I-I'm sorry." Kurt mumbled, trying to evade the pigmans wrath, though he knew he'd like to just die, so why not aggravate it?
It cleared its throat. "It ok." Were the odd creatures words, with a very human sounding voice, no matter how rough it was.
Now he was very confused, pigmen didn't talk, they just snorted and huffed.
"Who.... Who are you...?"
"Zisteau." The pigman said grufly, though he couldn't focus on the Kurt as he spoke, for he was admiring the world around them in awe.
"Why are you here?"
"I tired of home. Explore."
The way the pigman, Zisteau, spoke, made him seem very undereducated, yet very at the same time. A few drops of rain fell, a storm brewing in the near distance, scaring the pigman. He squealed as he stared up at the sky.
"It's just rain, it won't harm you."
Zisteau looked confused, to say the least. Kurt took off his trench coat and gave it to the pigman, who used it to shield the rain. Kurt honestly couldn't care that the rain was starting to soak his clothes and chill him to the bone. Zisteau eyed Kurt's now exposed wrists.
"How?" He questioned, lightly taking Kurt's and hand and holding it up so he could see the others wrist.
Kurt snatched his arm away. "Its-its nothing." He stammered out.
The pigman looked even more confused.
"I-I've gotta go." Kurt stated quickly, turning to walk away, though a hand on his arm stopped him.
"Where you go?" Zisteau asked.
"Somewhere, ok."
"Can I come?"
Kurt sighed. He didn't feel like he could tell the pigman no, but what he wanted to do required being alone, but something in him just could not tell Zisteau no. "Fine."
He started walking, the pigman following close behind, though he still couldn't focus on just one thing, he seemed so surprised and intrigued by everything around them.
"Where we go?" Zisteau asked.
Kurt pondered that. He couldn't go to MK's now, it just didn't feel right. "To my house." Was his reply as he continued walking, not even taking time to care how cold and thoroughly soaked he was.
They reached the observatory and Kurt fumbled in his pocket for his keys, which he found and tried to unlock the door, but his hands were far too shaky and he dropped them. Zisteau picked them up and unlocked the door, almost expertly. He seemed really smart for a pigman, though he'd already figured that out. He headed through the door and flicked on the lights. He kicked off his water filled shoes which fell to the ground with a slosh. He took the drenched coat from Zisteau and headed down the stairs, hearing light foot steps behind him. He grabbed a towel from a closet and clean pair of clothes. He pulls his shirt off, and tosses it the washer with the trench coat.
He clears his throat. "Privacy, please?"
Zisteau nods and turns around, leaving Kurt to undress and somewhat dry off in peace, though he couldn't help but feel like he was being watched, but he couldn't bring himself to actually care. Soon enough his body would be six feet under, and he was ok with that thought. He pulled on sweat pants and a t-shirt, which was odd attire for him, but it was all that was clean, for he hadn't done laundry in a long time.
"You hungry... Thirsty?" Kurt questioned as he headed into the kitchen.
Zisteau shook his head. "No."
"Ok, suit yourself." Kurt stated as he grabbed a bottle of scotch and a bowl of chips.
He went back into the living room and sat down, which Zisteau did the same, looking expectantly at Kurt.
"Are you planning on going back home?" Kurt asked after a long drink of scotch.
Zisteau shook his head. "No, I want to explore. Home boring."
Zisteau's English was still quiet bad, Kurt found that bugged him slightly. "You need a place to stay, I take it?"
A nod. "Yes. If you do not mind?"
Kurt sighed after another long drink of scotch. "Fine, you can stay here till you find somewhere else to stay, or at least build a place of your own."
"Thank you."
Kurt just nodded, taking another drink if scotch. He would probably regret this in the morning, but that didn't matter now, or then when he woke.
"What that?" Zisteau questioned, motioning to the bottle in Kurt's hand.
"Scotch." Kurt stated simply.
"It good?"
Kurt nodded. "Very good. Try some." He handed the pigman the bottle, watching curiously as Zisteau took it. He took a sip, looking rather surprised.
"Very good."
Kurt just nodded and took another long drink, already feeling its influence, for he'd never had a high alcohol tolerance. But he couldn't care, maybe he'd drink too much and it'd kill him, but that was unlikely, he realized. A long while, and a couple bottles of scotch later, Kurt was thoroughly drunk, to say the least. But, the pigman didn't look even close to as drunk as Kurt was.
Zisteau picked up Kurt's wrist again, being very careful as he examined the scars and newer scarlet lines that decorated it. "How?" He questioned again.
Kurt glanced at the pigman with hazy blue eyes. "I-I did it to myself." He admitted.
Zisteau was confused, to say the least. "Why?"
"It gets me through life."
Zisteau gave him a questioning look. "Get through life?"
"I just hate life, ok."
"Why hate life?"
"Because it took everything from me!" Kurt half shouted. "I just want to end it all."
Zisteau was speechless, partly because he didn't know what to say, and partly because he didn't know how to say it.
"I'm going to bed." Kurt said coldly. "You can sleep on the couch."
He made his way into his room and sat on his bed. He grabbed the small blade from his bed side table and brought it to his already cut up wrists. What pain could another cut or two do, he pondered as he brought the blade across his wrist, leaving thin scarlet lines, lines that made him feel better. The pain was sweet and welcoming, especially after a day like today, especially with so many now bittersweet moments recalled. The blade was dropped to the ground and he collapsed onto the bed, tears that had welled up spilled onto his pale cheeks, as memories of MK came back to him.
The way she smiled gently at his shyness. The way her beautiful brown hair fell perfectly without her even trying. Those beautiful brown eyes that always portrayed the pure love she felt for him. The way a hug from her could fix everything. Or a kiss from her could feel so magical, and made him feel like he was falling in love all over again. She was his everything, and now she was gone. He'd never see those beautiful eyes and bright smile ever again. Or feel those soft lips on his again. He'd never have those sweet, sweet Intimate moments again. He'd never fall asleep with her beside him or wake up with her in his arms. He squeezed his eyes shut and cried until he fell into a dreamless sleep.
He woke up groggy, a headache that was almost unbearable and a strange feel in his stomach, which had him running to the bathroom and throwing up everything in his stomach. He made his way into the kitchen where he took some pain killers and grabbed a bottle of water. He found Zisteau reading a book on the couch. He didn't really question it as he sat beside the pigman, which caught his attention.
"Are you ok?" Zisteau asked, not only seeing that he was obviously in pain, but that there were new cuts on his wrists.
Kurt shook his head. "No, no I'm not."
Zisteau frowned slightly. He didn't know how to handle this. "Talk?"
"No, I'd rather not."
"Ok...?"
It was quiet for a while, an awkward silence that hung in the air.
"What are stars?" Zisteau asked, glancing up from the book he'd been trying to comprehend for hours.
"They are the twinkly lights you see in the sky at night."
Zisteau looked confused. "Twinkly lights?"
"Yeah, there are millions of them. They are balls of gas that are millions of miles away."
Zisteau was thoroughly intrigued. "They always there?"
Kurt nods. "Yeah, they are always there, you just can't see them during the day."
"Read this to me?" Zisteau questions with a hopeful look. He just wanted to understand this new world, and be able to fit in. And maybe, just maybe be able to understand his only friend a little more.
A small smile tugged at Kurt's lips as he took the book from the the pigman and started reading, finding a tiny bit of joy from the interest the pigman had in what used to be his hobby.
"Do you want to see the stars?" Kurt questioned, after the sun had started its slow descent.
Zisteau nodded enthusiastically. "Yes, please."
He followed Kurt up a set of stairs into a dome like thing, which he didn't know exactly what is was, but obviously Kurt did. He'd learned a lot today, and his English, as he learned it was called, was slowly getting better too. But the thing he was learning most about were stars and space, and the fact that they made Kurt happy, which he didn't seem to be very often, which he still didn't know understand why.
"You see that?" Kurt questioned, pointing to the opening in the dome, which brought the pigman out of his thoughts. "Those are stars."
"Wow." Was all Zisteau could say as he stared up at the twinkling lights in the dark night sky.
He was amazed, nothing he had seen had been so beautiful. There was nothing like this back home, nothing at all. All he saw back home was shades of red and lava pools. There was nothing so magical.
Kurt laid down on his back, staring up at night sky. His heart ached, as he stared at the twinkling stars. Of course he'd maybe been a little happy today, but this made him sad. MK and himself used to stargaze all the time, and he missed it, but not as much as he missed her. She was constantly on his mind, an ever present thought in his mind. He sighed and put an arm over his eyes.
"Are you ok?" Zisteau asked, looking worriedly at Kurt as he sat down beside him.
"How could I be?"
"Uh...?"
"Its not something I want to talk about, ok?"
"Ok..."
An awkward silence settled between them. Zisteau didn't like it, but he didn't know what to do, so he did nothing and just stared up at the stars.
"I'm going to bed, night Zisteau." Kurt said after a while, as he got up and headed to the door.
Zisteau just gave him a look as he left. "Night."
Kurt headed to his room and collapsed on the bed, almost instantly falling into a fitful dream filled sleep.
"MK.... No no no no MK please." Kurt begged, clutching her hand tightly.
