Dangers of a Saint || Ryeji

22

June and July consisted of back and forth trips to the new Bifrost building, and meetings regarding the process of taking over Auclair Architects. Since the plan involved Yeji as she volunteered to include her architect friends to work for the company, Ryujin saw her every once in a while but the meetings were mostly held online so they didn't have an actual interaction. She was somehow getting better as she kept reliving the last moment she had with Yeji, repeating her words the way she remembered them in hopes of experiencing a change of heart. It was a flaw that she wanted to get rid of upon witnessing how much it upset the cat-eyed woman. It wasn't easy for Ryujin to completely swallow but the initiative to do something about it was what mattered.

But Ryujin didn't want to conquer her demons solely because she wanted to be with Yeji. It would mean depending on her presence for strength. She wanted to be better for herself, only motivated by the purpose of being a reliable person because it was what Yeji deserved if she was going to enter a relationship with her. However, it was an idea that she only played around with, like a backup plan if she ever saw an opportunity that would allow her to be with the cat-eyed woman exclusively. Considering their conversation at the concert, Ryujin barely stood a chance but it didn't stop her from trying to develop at least an improvement. There was no certainty that Yeji would attempt to pursue her any further but she remained as Ryujin's reason to face her fears. If she couldn't allow herself to be with Yeji, she would do the right thing by her name and become a better person. It was the least she could do.

The process wasn't smoother than Ryujin made it seem to be though. Days after the concert, she isolated herself from almost everything. If she wasn't sitting in front of her computer, she was stuck in the gym as if she intended to destroy the heavy bag by puncturing it with her fists. She still replied to the group chat with her friends but she always declined when they began planning to meet up. They weren't saying anything about the situation so she guessed Yeji didn't tell Chaeryeong what happened either. Everything they shared remained their little secret and Ryujin was fine with that. She didn't cry, no, but she was devastated and it took her a while to get used to the throbbing in her chest whenever she was reminded of a particular cat-eyed woman.

As much as she chose to look past it, she saw the similarities of her actions after Karina's death. She was testing out different ways that could help her move on but this time, she chose to dye her hair blonde instead of getting another tattoo.

When August came, everything was completed. Ryujin drove every day to the new Bifrost office and when her presence was needed, she would come and visit the building of Auclair Architects. She wouldn't admit it to herself but she often expected to catch a glimpse of Yeji within the premises but she was always deprived of the tiny favor.

She thought it was the sign of the universe, telling her that she had her shot with Yeji and there was nothing left in store for them. She missed her chance and there was no turning back. She should make peace with that. She couldn't understand herself either, why she wanted to see her despite the awareness of her limitations.

Ryujin's desire was simple. She just craved to see her face again, or even hear her voice in person.

Since the architect was no longer around her as much, she managed to tell the difference between witnessing Yeji's glamour up close versus her image through the screen. The latter was still mesmerizing but it was nothing compared to the goddess-like appearance she had in real life.

It was frustrating how Yeji's absence led her to deal with some sort of withdrawal and she couldn't get rid of it no matter how hard she tried since the cat-eyed woman wasn't a drug to begin with, which meant there were no medical solutions available online to help her get through her unnerving situation.