Dangers of a Saint || Ryeji

59

Yeji's childhood wasn't a fairytale.

In fact, it was the complete opposite of what every child dreamed of having—endless sets of toys, the freedom of playing in parks, belonging to the type of family they saw in films. She was too young to remember what it was like when their parents didn't often argue in front of her and Chaeryeong. She could recall a few things—like how their father used to make forts with a line of chairs and a collection of their colorful blankets, how he would set up an entire "movie room" beneath it while their mother brought them snacks to keep their mouths occupied. The time they spent inside the fort was a whole experience in a magical castle for Yeji back then, and the food that their mother made usually felt like Christmas.

She didn't know when they stopped doing fort activities as a family, or when they stopped being a family as a whole. The memories she had when it was happening was like a distant recollection to her. It was blurry, but it was real.

It didn't happen all at once, which also made it tricky to get a definite picture, but she could remember Chaeryeong wanting to do a blanket fort and as the older sister, Yeji was the one who came up to their parents to initiate it. However, instead of getting an ordinary affirmation, her father huffed and told them that he was busy as of the moment, that they could go and ask their mother to do it for them instead. Despite the low spirits, Yeji obeyed and went to their mother, only to receive an unexpected scolding as she reprimanded them of always wanting to play when they should be doing better in school. It was probably the first time Yeji became terrified of their mother, and such strong emotion was difficult to forget. Their mom never apologized for it and she never asked for her to come and help with making blanket forts anymore. Whenever Chaeryeong wanted to do it, Yeji took it upon herself to gather their blankets and pillows. Instead of playing in the living room, she chose to hide behind the comfort of their bedroom and hoped that it wouldn't make their mom angry. Oftentimes, she didn't really care what they were doing as long as they weren't being disruptive.

The days following that particular incident was the creation of the treehouse and the fantasy world that it brought. After that, Yeji couldn't really remember anything else from her childhood that was worth the space in her head.

Perhaps it was the reason why she loved watching Disney movies. As most of these movies revolved around families and other intimate relationships, the portrayal of forgiveness and retribution was generally present. Throughout the broken tales of damaged bridges connecting people, the movies depicted a vast range of lessons about how bonds should be taken care of appropriately, how to maintain them and when to let them go. Aside from the talking animals and fictional abilities, Yeji envied the close kinship the most.

Because in the movies, there was reconciliation, there was the recognition of mistakes, there was sympathy towards children, a genuine understanding of how one's actions could affect them. She didn't get any of that.

When she was forced to leave home, she learned what it was like to live with nothing when she thought that she already went through her lowest of lows. She didn't expect the world could be so much darker than what she initially knew, and she had to navigate through it on her own. If it wasn't for Minju, Yeji was sure that she would grow up smuggling drugs if she wasn't running away from cops for shoplifting.

Since then, she intended not to rely on anyone. There was multiple assistance willingly given to her by her friends but she didn't depend on them and still chose to find a way to repay them as soon as they surfaced.

Until Ryujin came around and she formed a significant connection with her that she never felt before. The billionaire filled in the gaps of her wretched childhood, listened to the damaged child in her, and paid attention to the side of her she thought nobody would ever care about. Being with Ryujin felt like the younger Yeji was actually understood, like she was finally being seen after years of emotional repression. It was like the billionaire was a pair of warm arms and a kind smile that the younger Yeji never got to have when she needed it the most when she was drowning in the burden her parents brought. Ryujin took care of her in many ways that nobody did, she put effort into prioritizing her comfort and satisfaction, she took her ideas seriously no matter how ridiculous they sounded in her head sometimes, and most importantly, the billionaire consistently reassured her that she was worth loving no matter how flawed she perceived herself to be.