When my skin is not my own and the heart is tainted, there is still one thing that will always belong to me. My soul! No more shall it weep in the darkest of nights but it shall become a beacon of light for all those who cannot see. I am a warrior...
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Mareeb had become one of the young vixens favourite people to enter her life, and there were truly not many with that status. She kept her circle as tiny as can be, and to the outside world seemed so cold yet the ones who knew her saw the fragile state of her heart. As he stood in front of her with his hands intertwined Lalzari just had a heavy feeling enter her heart.
"Omid... My cousin is in the kingdom, I haven't seen him in years. Omid, can I take them to the room and spend some time with them?" his whispered voice pleaded out. Lalzari couldn't help but feel some type of way. I thought he was alone. I thought he only had me. The femme fatale told herself before she snapped out of her dark thoughts.
"Of course, invite them!" She quickly said not wanting him to notice her hesitation. Could she ever say no to such a request? Even though the request felt hefty she reminded herself to imagine moments like that with Jamshar, mama or Melaniee. She would've wanted someone to give her that opportunity.
Some time passed and Mareeb came back with a huge smile on his face and a warmth that covered his heart. He looked so happy, truly happy. He's never this happy with me. His cousin stood behind him, looking a lot alike. Tall, slim frame, dark hair that covered his eyes and a timid aura. Mareeb led his cousin to the corner of the room where there was a separation and he closed it. Perhaps the young servant wanted privacy but Lalzari had hoped for an introduction of some sort, or at least a thank you. After all I've done for Mareeb... He's young... Maybe he didn't think so far... The sadden vixen told herself.
Through the cracks of the partition Mareeb's warm filled laughter and continuous chatting seeped out like a silent scented smoke dancing through the room. A true unfiltered, belly laughter filled the room, one Lalzari had never heard before. Lalzari grew more and more frustrated with the feelings that swizled around in her heart, but as long as she kept them to herself she wouldn't feel embarrassed.
Time went by and it seemed like their conversation, laughter, and stories would never come to an end. Lalzari couldn't hear what they were talking about but it sounded like they were reminiscing about their pasts. She couldn't help but miss Mareeb's companionship, which was one of the reasons she asked for him as her personal servant. The weakened warrior had been alone for so long that she just wanted someone around her all the time and for a while she had that, but it seemed like that wish came to an end sooner than it came as a gift.
After hours upon hours Mareeb came out from the separation with a bigger smile that what she's ever seen. His cousin left shyly without a single word. "Did you have fun?" She asked like a puppy that hadn't seen their owner for a day. Mareeb didn't look at her but simply gave her a short "mmhmm" and wrapped the blanket around himself, lying down on the sofa. He usually talked a bit before falling asleep but this time he fell asleep without a word. But maybe, being social for so long tired him out.
"Mareeb...Mareeb... Wake up" Lalzari stood shaking the dazed boy until his eyes opened. He sat up slowly on the couch and noticed the plate of food Lalzari had prepared for him.
"Thank you Omid, you care so much about me" he whispered in his drowsy voice. Lalzari sat down in hopes that he would start talking like usual and laughing with her too but he just quietly ate his food while starring out into the abyss.
"Are you okay, Mareeb?" Lalzari asked wanting to break the barrier but Mareeb closed the conversation as he just nodded yes and continued eating. Mareeb finished his food, wiped his hands, then suddenly someone knocked on the door. Lalzari stood up to open, but before she had the chance to Mareeb interrupted her.
"Omid, I asked my cousin to come back tonight since he couldn't be away for too long" the boy muttered as he dashed for the door. Too long? They spoke all day! Mareeb's cousin is going to get me in trouble! All of those harsh words were zooming through Lalzari's mind but all she could mutter out loud was "okay".
The night began as Mareeb and his friend sat behind the partition talking and laughing. Lalzari just stood in the middle of the room with her legs crossed and sloughing arms as tears gathered in her eyes and all she wanted to do was let them flow.
The teary eyed vixen walked over to the huge bed and slipped off her dress. She removed the thick cover and crawled into the middle like she did the first night at the castle. She was surrounded by pillows yet they provide no comfort. And finally, she let the tears flow and muffled her sobs to not draw any attention.
"Why did I end up alone once again? This is ALWAYS the way it happens! Always to me! It's so unfair! I remember how mama use to hold my hand and lay my head in her lap as she told me everything was going to be alright as I cried out of fear. I remember how Melaniee use to brush my hair and point at the crooked mirror jokingly comparing it to our mental state to distract me from my fears and stop my cries. I remember how Jamshar would wrap his strong arms around me and just let me be raw with my emotions as I sobbed the hardest I've ever sobbed. And here I am, alone... crying! With no one to comfort me. Just as I think I've got my comfort they disappear... Why couldn't Melaniee not have ended with the master she did?! Why couldn't mama not have left the house that night?! Why couldn't Jamshar not have....What kind of screwed up joke of a life is this for me?!" The devastated femme fatale cried to herself.
She turned to her stomach sobbing into the pillow as she clenched the sheets wanting to cry the loudest she had ever cried. She wanted to just disappear. Everyone leaves me. She chanted in her mind. "No one cares about me... I'm tired... I'm tired! Lalzari sobbed.
Hours passed yet sleep had not yet covered her in its comforting forgettable feathers and she laid in bed hurting with no escape. I feel pathetic. Weak. I've become weak. She opened her eyes that seemed to have swollen from all the crying and pressed her palms into them in hopes that her palms would have super powers to kill off all her feelings.
"What have I become?" Lalzari whispered. How did she go from surviving by herself to being depended on someone else's company? She use to be so good alone, she use to be careless. But Jamshar changed everything, he took care of everything so much that she became dependent on him and on people.
"He made me rely on him and then he vanished forever. Jamshar was cruel. Mama is cruel. Melaniee is cruel. Mareeb... Mareeb is cruel" Lazari told herself.
Ice cold water emerged her face as she let it wash over her. She tied the chains to her ankles once again and threw on her long sleeved dress that the king had given her. Suddenly a shift happened as she stood in the middle of the dark room. Mareeb's chatter in the background had become silenced to her sudden drive. Every now and then a heavy feeling refilled her heart but she reminded herself how Mareeb had made a choice and she was not his. I have to make choices for me too. I can't let another human being make me weak.
"Omid, you still awake" Lalzari stopped the push-up she was doing and looked back to Mareeb who was standing behind her. His cousin seemed to have left without Lalzari noticing.
"Did you wait for me, Omid?" The boy asked, which only angered Lalzari. Had she become so pathetic that even her servant noticed?
"I have important stuff to do Mareeb" she said turning her back against him. She didn't want to see his face and become confused or angry because it was not his fault. But she needed to focus and now, she had to put herself first.
"You won't believe what happened Omid, I remembered all the times when I was young and-" Lalzari cut the boy off even though doing so made her heart ache.
"Mareeb... I actually have to concentrate. Tell me another time" Mareeb didn't say more he just stood behind her for a while before disappearing.
The hardworking warrior hadn't noticed the sun rising, and no sleep was her state once again. It's time for bed, it's time for rest. She told herself, finally feeling sleepy. Abruptly, a voice spoke behind her and she turned to once again see Mareeb.
"Omid, the king wants to show you something" he stated seeming weary of her.
What does that piece of shit want now!, Lalzari yelled in her mind.
