Inside Her Head S1

Entry #166 (01-01-23)

Dear Future me,

Alam mo nalilito na talaga ako kay Manila Boy/ Joash. Hahaha. Nag greet lang naman sana ako Happy New Year. Di ko inexpect mag o-open up siya sakin kaninang midnight.

Okay to remind you... on Dec 26, you wrote a letter for Neil. Of course di ko sure if ibibigay or ipapadala mo ba talaga yung letter. But since that day parang nag retrograde yung utak mo and palagi mo na siyang na aala and naiisip mo pa din na what if magkita kayo ulit pag umuwi ka na nang Bohol? So na isipan ko icompile yung mga letters ko nung 2021. And I've actually decided to send them to him para lang clear slate na talaga.

So yun na nga. Pinaka una kong grineet was Neil, nag text ako sa kanya nang "May 2023 be the year of healing and inner peace. Happy New Year!". Pero 5:25 pm na ngayon ni Happy New Year na reply wala pa din.  Eh nung Christmas nag reply naman siya sakin. So it might be a sign.

Napanaginipan ko din kasi kahapon (Dec 31) na nagkita daw ulit kami, may inaabot ako sa kanya pero parang ayaw niyang tanggapin. Parang ayaw niya akong makita. So really it was another sign na wag ko nang ibalik yung nararamdaman ko kasi di niya pa din ito tatanggapin. Hmmm....

So ayun na nga... di nag reply si Neil. Si Joash yung nag react nang bongga. Hahaha.

Kaya pala nung Dec. 19 biglang nag chat ang koya niyo. Nalito kasi ako nun bakit out of the blue siyang nag chat nang "Iza XD". Tapos Nov. 19 ako nag confess yung napa mura talaga ako kasing one month after pa talaga eh pwede naman ibang araw siya mag chat? Pero now I can see why.

So I probably moved him to confess to this person na gusto niya. She was his close friend and he fell for her. Kasi dinamayan atah siya ni friend niya when he was going through a lot. And siguro dun niya na develop yung feelings niya for her.

Pero ayun na nga nag confess na siya, and it turns out that this friend of his already has a boyfriend that she kept in secret. So here goes yung koya niyo... broken hearted na naman. Tapos gagu kwinento niya pa sakin, kaka reject niya lang baga sakin. Pero ewan ko ambilis ko lang nka move on, and I'm kinda amazed na instead of becoming awkward, we are now even more open to each other. Or baka ganun lang talaga personality ni Joash.

For some reasons I feel like there is still a chance for the both of us. Although I don't know how that will happen. I don't want him to make me his rebound because I think I made him my rebound from Neil. I want our next relationship to be real. So I guess I want us to be just friends right now. Who knows, when the time is right, it could be us...

For now, I'll just wait for him to heal. I also want to completely heal from my own wounds, cause obviously, I still have lingering feelings for Neil. Which is why I really pray that 2023 would be a year of healing and who knows by the end of the year we might finally fall in love.

Until then I pray for our healing...

Not yours,
-Krizia @26