Inside Her Head S1

Entry #75 (02/10/19) For Mr. F

2-10-19

Dear Future Husband,

I usually write my letters for you on paper. But let me just write this one on Wattpad. Well if you exist and you've already read the letters I wrote for you, I want you to read my online diary too.

Why did I write the letters even though I'm not sure I'll ever meet you in this lifetime?

At first, I was really hopeful that we will meet soon enough. I was becoming a College freshmen that year when I first wrote the signs, and I was kinda hopeful I'd meet you at school. I had a long-term crush on my high school classmate, and I kinda thought he was you. For sure you know who he is from the few letters that I wrote about him.

Then I'd look at every single guy that I meet, hoping that one of them will eventually be you. I re-read those first few letters, and I felt like an idiot. Hahaha. I was just so dreamy and immature, and my head was full of "what-if's".

"What if you're that guy on ferry boat?"
"What if I met you at Cebu?"
"What if you are that Mr. D.?"
"What if I met you inside the church?".
"What if you also keep a diary?"

And then there goes my constant questions...

"Who are you?"
"Have we met already?"
"When will I meet you?"
"How long shall I wait?"

And here goes my constant rant...

"Mr. F.!!!! Please come soon!"

But as the years goes by, I've sometimes loose track of why I am waiting. I've lost my patience, and told you that I'd stop writing because I think you don't exist.

Then I remembered the real reason why I wrote these letters.

Inside these folded papers are my thoughts, my experiences, my learnings, and my memories. Inside these letters are the hidden versions of the real me. And the sole reason why I wrote this for my future husband, for you, is because I want you to know the real me. I wanted you to get to know me better.

You see, when I write these letters, I imagine us reading it in the future. I imagine us getting home from work, and relaxing in our bedroom, and this will be our little thing. We'll be re-reading the letters I wrote for you. And it will be part of our bonding moment as a couple. I'm sure we'll also learn a lesson from these letters. And you'll be able to read how immature I was then, and how time molded me to become a grown woman. Plus, you'll also see how my handwriting has evolved throughout the years. And we'll laugh at the silly things that I wrote, and you'll finally be able to answer the questions I wrote for you, and do the dares I wrote on the envelopes.

Come on!

It'd be such a waste writing these letters for almost six years without you to read them. And I don't mind waiting a little more, if it means I'll meet you someday.

I know you won't be the perfect guy whom I used to imagine as you.There would be days that you and I will bicker. And there would be times when I'll have to comfort you. But know that I would always love you no matter what.

And to the countless "who", "when" and "how", I'm sure I've got my answers if you're reading this right now.
And to my future-self, was he a man worth the wait?

Love,
Wifey (@22 years old)