Dear Future self,
Na shock ko nag re-read sa ako past entry last year before Yannie kun's birthday. It was the day I burried all of my letters, and I told myself na I hope the next time I'd confess to a guy he will be Mr. F. And my gosh 1000x na hinuon ko gikulbaan. Huhuhu.
I'm planning to tell him everything.
Shit memeng di ko kahibaw unsaon nko pag react. I know na dapat mag expect nkong ma friend-zone ra ko. Pero feeling nko sakit kaau. huhuhu. Di pako prepared, but if I delay this again basin di na jd hinoun magka kami. Or I will never be able to confess. And taman nlng kog kanta2 ug "was there a lifetime waiting for us?".
Not that I expect it to happen. But can't a girl think of wishful thoughts?
Sana please di unta ma usik ako feelings. Because yesterday I realised that I was just fooling myself by thinking that what I felt for him was shallow. Cause now that I think about it, my feelings were actually deeper. And I was very unconscious of it all because it happened gradually. It wasn't a sudden desire. It was as if you were lighting a wood, and at first the flame is very weak, until it burns further making it bigger and stronger.
Nag sugod cya as an unconcious feeling, then na realised nko nga crush nko cya, and it turns from a simple admiration to something very deep. I don't wanna call it love yet. But I'm really scared... I really am. To the point na mka hunahuna kog kaya ba nko ni buhaton. Kaya ba nko saluon ang rejection? Kaya ba nko if no reaction ra cya at all?
Probably kaya... but it will hurt as hell. Ako pa lang gani gi huna2 sakit na... Makahilak nko.
Still I don't want to have regrets and loose him without fighting.
I will say this again... "I takes so much courage to admit one's feeling. And
people should appreciate it when done so."
I am putting five years of friendship on the line here. Because as much as I wanted it to stay the same as it was before... after I do this I know everything will change. And it wouldn't be the same anymore.
I hope it was worth a try.
Here's to our hearts! Did it work out just as fine, future self?
Love,
-Krizia @23
YOU ARE READING
Inside Her Head S1
Non-FictionThe best way to keep a diary, is by making it public. Because secrets are best hidden on the most unexpected places... Or rather, pages. 😉 "You'll never hear my thoughts. You can only read them." -Krizia PS: Check out S2 if you enjoyed reading. 😊
