The best way to keep a diary, is by making it public.
Because secrets are best hidden on the most unexpected places...
Or rather, pages. 😉
"You'll never hear my thoughts. You can only read them."
-Krizia
PS: Check out S2 if you enjoyed reading. 😊
So much has happened today. From joining Pru Life team to reconnecting with old friends. What a whirlwind of a day.
I'm quite nervous in this new journey. Honestly, I'm not yet fully interested in this new endeavor but I will try my best to be motivated and do well on this new job. It's just a little bit overwhelming since I'm not really a hustler. Plus I'm also not good with personal relations. I just find it really hard. Which is why I joined Pru. For a change. To change myself and my way of thinking. I hope I can still maintain my work-life balance despite all of this.
I would also like to share that me and Joash made a poem. To think that I was contemplating on messaging him the other day. I wanted to ask him if he could tell me his story so I could make a poem about it for Valentines. But maybe that would be for another day.
Today he kinda opened up to me. I just asked how his 2023 was so far. And then he told me he was feeling down. Maybe it has something to do with his group of friends there in Manila. So I asked if it was about his Bohol or Manila friends. And he said it was about his Manila friends. Which kinda makes me feel sad, because I think they were really good friends.
I also wonder if it has something to do with his confession to Hyacinth. I really don't understand why he felt so betrayed. What did she do? Because as an outsider, I would assume that she thought his gestures were just friendly gestures. He might have done something for her, thinking it would win her heart, but for her he was just being a good friend. Maybe they just misunderstood each other's actions? I don't even really know their story. Which makes me so curious though.
I realized while I was helping him finish his poem, that we are quite similar. I mean, I do sometimes feel like I give others too much of my time and it's not reciprocated. If I would probably re-read this diary, I would probably find those entries where I felt like it's not fair. I'm glad though, that I've found my soul tribe now.
I'm really thankful and would always be thankful for my friends here. They really helped me grow and heal from past traumas. Like for example, my fear of being late XD.bOr even in my personality, when I tend to be very irritable, and I just love it when they say I've improved. I like that we are all honest about our flaws. And also thankful that we help each other to correct those flaws.
I'm also very grateful that my relationship with Bless is starting to become mutual. I'm fully aware that I was doing more effort in our friendship. That I'm more of the listener rather than the one who rants. But I do understand I'm her one and only bestfriend.
Unlike me, she is not comfortable sharing her thoughts to other people. I really need to learn more about how to put boundaries from her. And she also needs to learn about how to open up more from me. I would also love to encourage her to make new friends. Even if its not as valuable as ours. I just think it would help her heal.
Speaking of healing, she's getting better now! And I think it was last week when we had our phone call sessions. I wasn't planning to cry, but when she thanked me and said how I was really a big part of her healing journey, I became emotional. I can't explain how happy I feel whenever I ease someone else's pain.
Pusher daw ko, pero dili drug pusher XD. Since I pushed her from just me and her and long distance phone calls. To her actually make a booking and go to a weekly therapy session. She may not be perfectly fine, but at least she's taking a step forward. And proud to say na hapit na sila mahuman! Please no more relapse.
And to end today's entry, I should learn how to accept compliments. I mean, I was just happy that Joash complimented me as a friend and I thanked him. He told me, "I should be the one thanking you." I don't know. It just hit me hard. Because I thought I'm that underappreciated kind of friend. So if people give compliments about our friendship, instead of accepting their "thank you's", I tend to thank them first.
I didn't expect that I would learn so much from just one collab. Plus, as far as I could remember, this is the very first time I wrote a poem with someone.
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Not yours,
26 yrs old me
PS: Abnormal jud nis Karla. Mao di unta nko iadd sa ako profile nga gi tag ko ni Joash kay kabalo ko nga binuangan na sad ko ni Karla. I was right. Gi binuangan na sad kos bugalbogalon. Way ka idea2 ang buang that I was already rejected.
And I like whatever phase this is. The friends lang phase. At least we were not awkward at all. And I really am not the type who would hate the person who rejects me. What can I do? Di talaga ako yung type na pinipili eh. 😅
