Wanda/Elizabeth One-Shots

Ethan's Flirting Fiasco (W.M)

Ethan sauntered into the lab where Bruce was hunched over some notes.

"Brucie my man! I couldn't help but notice you've been looking rather lonely lately," Ethan said, plopping down on a stool.

Bruce rubbed his neck awkwardly. "Oh, well, you know I don't really have much luck in the romance department."

"Say no more!" Ethan cried. "Your luck is about to change my friend. You've come to the right person for advice on charming the ladies."

Wanda, who was reading quietly in the corner, snorted at this claim. Ethan shot her a playful wink.

"Here's the secret Bruce: confidence is key! You have to approach a woman with total self-assurance."

Ethan slid up to Wanda and said in an exaggerated sexy voice, "Hey baby, did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"

Wanda covered her mouth, stifling giggles.

"Now you try!" Ethan encouraged Bruce. "Pickup lines are foolproof icebreakers."

"Oh, uh, okay," Bruce stammered. He went up to Wanda awkwardly. "Hi, um, are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see!"

Bruce turned red while Wanda smiled kindly. "Very nice, Bruce."

Ethan shook his head. "You gotta be smoother! Make strong eye contact, compliment her looks, crack a witty joke. Set yourself apart from the pack!"

He demonstrated again by dramatically running his eyes up and down Wanda's body. "Damn girl, you're looking fine! When do your legs open? I mean, when do you open....your schedule for a date?"

Wanda swatted his arm, laughing. "You're ridiculous. That would never work."

Bruce looked uncertain. "I don't know about this plan..."

"Trust me!" Ethan insisted. "Now, when you see a pretty lady, make the first move. Just go right up to her at the bar or coffee shop with a clever line. Try this one: 'I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by you.'"

He attempted to wrap his arm around Wanda's waist but she dodged him playfully.

Bruce fidgeted with his glasses. "That seems kind of forward..."

"Fortune favors the bold!" Ethan declared. "You miss every shot you don't take. Speaking of shots, it always helps to offer to buy her a drink."

Wanda scoffed. "Or you could try having an actual conversation and getting to know her interests."

Ethan waved dismissively. "Minor details. Here's another go-to line: 'Are those space pants? Because your butt is out of this world!'"

He grinned and wiggled his eyebrows ridiculously.

Bruce looked mortified. "I don't think I can pull that off..."

Wanda patted Bruce's shoulder. "You don't have to use cheesy lines. Just be yourself." She glared pointedly at Ethan.

"Okay okay, no more pickup lines," Ethan laughed. "Now, when you get her number, you gotta make sure she knows you're sexually interested. Send something suggestive like the eggplant emoji."

He grabbed Wanda and dipped her dramatically. "Text me sometime so we can have some fun if you know what I mean." He winked exaggeratedly.

Wanda swatted him away, laughing. "How did I end up with such a ridiculous flirt?"

Bruce shook his head rapidly. "Yeah these methods aren't really my style."

"You just need practice!" Ethan said. "We'll role play. I'll be the girl at the bar, you lay a smooth line on me."

Ethan perched on a stool pretending to apply makeup. He batted his eyelashes and spoke in a falsetto voice. "Oh hello there handsome! Come here often?"

Bruce went crimson with embarrassment. "Ethan, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but..."

Wanda took pity and intervened. "Here's the best advice Bruce: don't play games, just be your kind, intelligent self. The right woman will appreciate you for who you are."

Bruce smiled gratefully. "Thanks Wanda, that's actually helpful."

Ethan waved them off. "You two are no fun! But don't say I didn't try to help you out there Brucie. My methods clearly work wonders."

He grabbed Wanda and planted a sloppy kiss on her cheek. She giggled and swatted him away.

"Yes clearly a pinnacle of success," she said wryly. She smiled at Bruce warmly. "You've got this."

"Wow, I sure learned a lot today!" Bruce said politely before making a quick exit.

Ethan flopped onto a stool with a satisfied grin. "Now that was a productive coaching session if I do say so."

Wanda just shook her head and laughed, leaning in to give her ridiculous boyfriend a tender kiss.