Wanda/Elizabeth One-Shots

I don't hurt Women (W.M)

"Ethan, duck!" Wanda yelled, throwing up a shield around them as their explosive opponent lobbed another fiery blast their way.

Ethan rolled back to his feet, repulsor at the ready. "Man, this chick's got quite the temper!" he quipped. "Maybe we should suggest some anger management classes?"

Wanda shot him an exasperated look as she deflected another detonation. "Less joking, more capturing!"

They had been sent to contain this dangerously combustible mutant before she could inflict more wanton destruction on the city. But so far their efforts to subdue her without fatal force were failing miserably.

Ethan fired a stun beam from his gauntlet, trying to incapacitate their foe long enough for Wanda to work a binding spell. But the mutant simply absorbed the energy, laughing maniacally.

"You're gonna have to hit me harder than that, handsome," she taunted Ethan. She sent a flaming shockwave towards him.

Ethan yelped, dodging just in time. "Whoa, careful with the pet names lady! I'm a taken man," he said nervously, backing away.

Wanda threw her hands up in exasperation. She should have known Ethan would be useless against a female opponent. "Just blast her already!" she yelled.

"You know I don't punch girls!" Ethan protested. "My mama raised a gentleman."

To emphasize this point, he proceeded to posture ridiculously polite for combat, giving their cackling enemy mocking bows and dramatic winces whenever he landed a hit.

The absurd chivalrous display was the last straw for Wanda. With an enraged scream, she unleashed a devastating hex bolt that sent their opponent flying into the harbor.

"Uhh, was that really necessary babe?" Ethan asked meekly, eyeing the smoldering crater left behind.

Wanda rounded on him furiously. "This is not a game, Ethan! When we're on missions, I need you to take things seriously and act like a professional, you can seriously get hurt if you keep doing this."

Ethan shrank under her scolding, chastened. "You're completely right, I'm sorry," he said sincerely. "I promise I'll get my head in the game and stop messing around."

Softening, Wanda patted his shoulder. "Thank you. Now let's go see if our combustible friend is done blowing things up for today."

They turned to head for the docks just as a S.W.A.T. team came barreling onto the scene, weapons drawn. "Stand down, we'll take it from here!" the commander barked.

"Whoa, stand down yourself, buddy! Situation's under control," Ethan assured, stepping forward diplomatically. But the jittery officer looked ready to fire.

Sensing danger, Wanda quickly corralled the cops with her magic. "Back away now, before anyone else gets hurt!" she ordered.

But her warning came too late. The mutant, singed but still raring for a fight, came streaking out of the water straight for the SWAT van.

"No!" Wanda cried helplessly as their foe slammed her palms down, igniting the vehicle in a massive fireball. When the smoke cleared, only charred bodies remained.

"Holy hell," Ethan gulped, instinctively shielding his groin. "Talk about explosive finishing skills. Glad that wasn't my manhood getting barbecued!"

Wanda turned slowly to stare at him in utter disbelief. "Our negligence just got an entire S.W.A.T. team brutally incinerated, and you're making genitalia jokes??"

Ethan shrugged helplessly. "I mean, the family jewels are pretty high priority to protect."

Pinning him with her most withering glare, Wanda hissed "Just stay here and try not to get killed before I end this."

Leaving Ethan looking properly chastened, she stormed off to confront their opponent again. This buffoon was getting snipped if they made it out of this alive.

Thankfully, Wanda managed to finally overpower the incendiary mutant by draining her energy. With the immediate threat neutralized, she returned to collect Ethan, who was sheepishly scuffing his boots in the dirt.

"I'm really sorry about earlier," he offered sincerely. "You deserve a professional battle partner, not some immature joker. I'll do better, I promise."

Wanda nodded curtly, but her expression softened slightly. As irritating as he could be, she knew Ethan never meant any harm. And he was trying.

"Come on, let's go home," she sighed tiredly, putting an arm around Ethan's waist. But as they turned to leave, another frightening thought occurred to Wanda.

"Ethan, I'm late this month," she confessed anxiously. "As in...could be incubating your offspring inside me right now kind of late."

Ethan stopped short, eyes blowing wide. "Wait, what?? You think you might be..." he sputtered in shock.

Wanda waved a hand quickly. "No no, I'm sure it's just stress messing with my cycle! But I figured I should warn you in case."

Letting out a huge breath of relief, Ethan wiped his brow comically. "Oh thank goodness, I am nowhere near ready for mini Starks," he exclaimed. "Not that I don't want tons of babies with you someday," he added hastily.

"Mmhmm, I'm sure," Wanda replied wryly, though a traitorous part of her was slightly disappointed he wasn't more enthusiastic.

Shaking it off, she wrapped her arms around Ethan's neck. "Now, I believe you offered to carry me home, kind sir?"

Grinning, Ethan scooped her up bridal style gently. "As the lady commands," he proclaimed gallantly, before blasting them both skyward.

As the city shrank below them, Wanda nestled into Ethan's solid embrace, feeling content. Sure, he infuriated her to no end sometimes. But she wouldn't trade her disaster-prone darling's antics and fierce devotion for anything.

Well, maybe trade a little if it could guarantee no unplanned explosions of the baby variety anytime soon. Though with the way today went, she should probably be more vigilant about protection.

Gazing down at Ethan's blissfully oblivious smile, Wanda just chuckled and shook her head. Fatherhood would have to wait a little longer for this infectious man-child. But someday, maybe. For now, she was simply happy and whole in his arms.