The Hunters

Chapter Sixteen

 Larsen's anger quickly depleted with my tone, her narrowed eyes widening in worry. Calling off the search, she nudged her head toward the barracks, and I walked beside her. I felt her eyes surveying me for injury; analyzing the snow on the front of my body as she likely determined where I'd been hiding.

Once tucked inside the barracks, I stood in front of the fireplace, warming myself while she shifted on her boots. Holding my hands near the flames, I muttered, "I can't do this."

Larsen sighed heavily and shifted to sit on the cot across from me, the light from the fire making her pale skin glow in the darkness. After what felt like an eternity of silence, she spoke, "You've never stepped down from a mission."

I nodded, my tone bitter as I responded, "Never. But I can't trust anyone but our direct team. My trust issues...my trauma is going to put us in danger. I have to step down."

I looked away from the fire when she didn't respond, my brows furrowing at her humored expression. Removing her gaiter, she smirked, telling me, "The Admiral pulled me aside while she was here. Predicted this very conversation. Never thought I'd see the day where you agreed with her."

My blood boiled at her manipulation, lowering my own gaiter as I snarled, "You bitch!" She knew what she was doing, bringing my mother into this. I would do anything to defy her; to establish control over who I saw was the strongest woman in the world. Pausing my anger as I sucked in a deep breath, I remembered just how much strength she'd lost while I was a POW. How weak she'd become. She'd aged seven years while I was missing for seven months.

Larsen tilted her head, surprised by my silence. Removing my gear to let the fire melt the remaining moisture off of them, I fell onto the cot behind me, leaning forward to rest my elbows on my knees. I'd caused my mother harm when I was taken; when I put my trust into the wrong person and was betrayed. Nearly beheaded on the internet like the others. Unlike them, I'd been strong enough to fight back, even after months of torture, starvation, and beatings.

Taking a deep, calming breath, I let the air flow through my nostrils before I asked, "What else did she say?"

Her lips twitched with a smile as she tried to maintain her stern expression, like always. "That your therapist is right. You need to learn to release control. Otherwise, you'll never let the past go. You're holding onto everything to feel like you're in charge, when you're really just weakening yourself."

I glared at my hands as I rubbed my dry palms together. "I don't know how to release control."

"I know. And I've formed some training exercises specially to address that. If you're willing to hang on for a few more weeks, I'll teach you," she informed me warmly, and I lifted my eyes to meet her soft gaze. "Then, before we're due to leave for the mission, you can give me your final decision. Deal?"

"Deal. But know that I'm going to hate every part of this."

Larsen giggled with a nod of her head, telling me, "Oh, I'm well aware. Maybe those two large shadows of yours can help motivate you."

"They're both quiet," I muttered, returning my sight to the fire. "Reserved. Secretive. It goes against my nature for them to be so unresponsive to me, yet claiming they're interested in me."

"View it like a training session," she suggested, and I contemplated the idea. "Another aspect where you have to release control. You can't force those men to speak when they don't want to. If they want to ignore your questions, or remain silent for hours on end while they formulate the correct response, let them. It'll drive you up a wall but it'll show you that you aren't in charge all of the time."

For once, I was quiet, mulling over her words while she smirked. "That's not to say let them get away with shit," she added, and my eyes flickered upward to meet hers. "Kick their sorry asses if needed. I know you can take them, even the big one."

I chuckled at her determination and nodded in agreement. "You got it, Sergeant Major. What sort of training do you have in mind today?"

Larsen slapped her knees and stood, answering smugly, "That's for me to know and you to find out." She paused, enjoying my pained, irritated expression. "See? Already working. Now, I need to go find some rope."

"Rope?" She didn't respond, returning her gaiter in place, and I hurried to slip mine on while she burst through the barracks door with a confident swagger that left me stunned. Lowering my voice to a whisper, I muttered to myself, "I shouldn't have pissed her off."