My life on crack at 2 am

vent again ew i hate everything

i feel like i have to act happy and stuff around my friends even though im usually not very happy

the only time i can be myself is in band class because idk anyone there

im gonna try being the way i feel for two days after tmrw so lets see how that goes

ill probabky end up making my friend mad on monday in health

idk something abt her irks me

like shes nice but shes often sarcastic and a lot of the time its at the wrong moment

and she keeps asking to look at my answers

like when we were doing an assignment for UF in pe she asked me what i put even though everything was in the paragraphs the pe teacher put in

so all she had to do was read the paragraphs but she said "no  idont want to tho"

and this girl shes friends with who's 1st chair trombone for cadet, that girls kinda annoying too

shes nice but shes so competitive and she always seems happy and happy people annoy me  (but not Stars because shes silly (and bc im worried abt her (read prev chapter)))

and she wanted to be the coach for UF even though she didnt even read the rules

istfg i was the only one who read the rules (pretty sure all the boys knew whatw as going on)

i mean one time last week Midnight asked to see my health project but that was different because she just wanted to see the format and we were doing different topics anyway

sometimes Strawberries hugs me (every day) and then she goes "ur so happy!!" even though im not, it just looks like i am

anyway i googled why i dont care abt anything and it said some stuff abt mental illness but im fine

and the counselor said shed get back to me in a week and its been 3-4 weeks and she still hasntt

its not fair the popular pretty girls will like play a sport or smth and when theyre done theyre still so pretty

istfg whenever im done with smth involving exercise i come back looking like a greasy drowned rat

the health slides abt self esteem did nothing to help my self esteem

the slides were stupid af and it was cringe also and didnt help anyway

ok i looked at an image on google tzlking abt sogns of low self esteem so it said

- lacking self-trust (kinda ig)

- constantly comparing yourself to others (true)

- engage in people-pleasing behavior (only with my friends)

- feel little control over your life (checks out)

- dont reinforce boundaries (i actually do reinforce boundaries, people just never listen)

said smth else abt avoiding challenges (yeah but because im gonna be bad and imrpoving hard af qnd i m lazy i dont got the time for this)

ok so abt Strawberries's sketch page, nothing against Strawberries because shes super nice and shes good at drawing but like i feel like teachers tend to neglect certain people (aka me LMFAO omg im such a narcissisist)

and i feel like people who arent artists tend to only value realistic art or stuff in an anime style

and its not fair because ive been practicing like everyday since 2020 to get my cartoony digital art to look as good as it does now

and no one fucking cares because apparently the only good art is anime and realistic and semi-realism even though a lot ofthe online art community is based upon cartoony styles and such

so now its to the point where whenever someone says that my art is really good it sounds fake

last night i had to surround myself with plushies to feel better abt myself

i really want cat paw socks then i can be cringe

istg these cute socks are the one thing making me feel better abt myself when im at home

i slept fucking 9 1/2 hrs last night and im still tired as hell

it says teenagers need 8-10 hrs of sleep per 24 hrs

i want my brother to shut up

he's singing a geometry dash song but in bruhs 

i fucking hate children (no offense if ur under 13 and not supposed to be on wattpad) (cough)

one time a few months ago i was on a hike with my moms yoga class and these 3 kids conversed in only bruhs and itsmsoso annyoyin

its just diff when a kid dos it

and then 2 of th9se kid,s, on the next hike they got sticks and started beating the dirt for diamonds and i got so mad i screamed haha

then my mom yelled at me because "theyre just kids leave them zlone even if theiyre annoying, use your words instead of scresming"

my kmom keeps harassing md to makfee friends with the kids on my bus and she says "then you can help each other if you cant find ur bus and also itll be easy if u wanna go t9 their house"

literally 3 people there are older than me, and she cant expect us to bond over the fact that we're at the same bus stop

like no

one of the girls at my bus stop used to be friends with Midnight but not a very good one (she ignores us, good)

its not fair

most of my friends'parents know each other already so they can give rides and its not weird when they want to go to each others houses

but i just moved here 2 1/2 years ago so my parents dont know my froends parent

my moms kinda annoying

kast time Mdingiht came over, she was all "oh what food does ur friene liek" and she dragged me all the way to Giant to pick out the perfect strawberries

then she was like "arrange them to make them pretty, you cant just dump them all on a plate, and gimme ur nectarines, what if your friend likes them???"

like bro its just my friend coming over its not like were hosting a dinner party