TXT sickfics [REQUESTS CLOSED]

Anorexia - Huening kai

⚠️TW⚠️: Eating disorder (Anorexia),

⋆ ₊ ﾟ ★  * ₊ ⋆⋆ ₊ ﾟ☆ * ₊ ⋆⋆ ₊ ﾟ ★ * ₊ ⋆⋆ ₊ ﾟ  

★Omniscient☆

Kai held the bouquet of amaryllis in his hands. The stems were de-thorned. The petals were soft and silky. Its aroma filled his starved senses. He hasn't eaten real food in a long time. He needed to stay beautiful. And his entire body felt empty because of it. It felt like the flowers were taunting him. The emptiness inside him only worsened as he smelled the flowers.

The sweet vanilla scent felt almost overstimulating. Kai ripped off a petal from the bouquet. The flowers were going to die anyway. The fan who gifted this to him would've wanted him to enjoy it right? He gently placed the petal on his tongue. It certainly didn't taste amazing. It tasted like bitter grass. He didn't care, however. Kai needed to stay empty. Flower petals were perfect. They shouldn't have too many calories anyway.

He placed another petal. He began to get used to the taste of it. Even with the bitter taste it leaves in his mouth. He felt guilty. He felt terrible for eating. But the empty feeling was unbearable. He needed to feel just a bit fuller. With every petal, that emptiness seemed to just fade away.

Kai took the stems and shoved them under his bed. This ordeal will be between him and the petals he tore off from the amaryllis.

★☆

"Kai ah?"

Kai looked up from the floor. It must've been 30 minutes already. 30 minutes he spent gazing at his shoes. He looked at Taehyun with glossy eyes. He used the last bit of energy he had left to nod his head. He didn't even notice that he was shaking until Taehyun looked at his hands.

"Kai ah, you don't look too well," Taehyun said.

"You don't think I'm pretty?" Kai asked, his voice now broken from his lack of strength.

"No, it's not that-"

"You think I'm ugly don't you?" Kai asked. "I should've known to just stay in my room today. If I knew you would just insult me-"

"Kai ah!" Taehyun called. "I just meant that you look sick. Are you feeling okay?"

Kai's heart leaped at the word "sick". He must be doing something right if he looked sick. Anything was better than looking healthy. Being healthy meant that he would never be good enough. And if being good enough meant being skin and bones, then so be it.

"Yeah, I think I just didn't sleep that well," Kai replied.

That wasn't true. He's been sleeping a lot lately. Kai loves to sleep since those would be hours that he wouldn't be aware of the emptiness inside him. If he was asleep all of the time, he would never feel the emptiness. He wished he was asleep now. The flower petals weren't doing much to quench the thirst for a sense of fullness.

"Kai ah, you've lost a lot of weight you know..." Taehyun said, trying his best to sound gentle. "I'm worried about you."

"What's wrong with me losing weight?" Kai asked. "You've lost weight too."

"Yeah but... you look really different," Taehyun replied. "You looked a lot healthier a few months ago."

That word. Healthy.

It irked Kai to even think that he was ever "healthy". And it made him happy that Taehyun talked about his "healthy" stage in the past tense. He didn't want to be described as healthy anymore. "Sick" felt a lot prettier in his eyes. To be sick and frail was simply a privilege. A privilege he's worked months to earn.