Whatever It Takes ~ larry mpreg au

29. It will get better

LOUIS

"You're everything to me Matty" Louis said, his voice barely there "You're everything, I can't live without you".

Suddenly Harry's hand left his, and Louis instantly missed the warmth and comfort it provided, and he panicked.

"You're going?" Louis asked looking up at him.

"No, of course not" Harry bent down and kissed his forehead "I'm just going to get water. Do you want water?".

"No, I'm okay" Louis replied.

"Alright".

Then Harry left the room, and Louis was left alone with his baby, and he held his little hand in his.

"I waited all my life for you Matty, and the day I held you in my arms for the first time was the happiest day of my life, to this day, it still is" Louis whispered "I love you so much baby boy, so so much".

Louis stared at his son through cloudy eyes, and as much as he tried, he couldn't stop crying. He didn't want to say goodbye to Matty, he wasn't ready, he was never going to be ready, not now, not in 50 years from now. Parents weren't supposed to bury their kids, it's supposed to happen the other way around.

"Monkey please, you need to get better" Louis begged desperately "You have all your life ahead of you, and I want to see you live your life, please".

But then one of the machines started beeping again, just like it had done before, and he stood up from his seat abruptly, he didn't want to get in the way of someone helping his son.

"Help!" Louis said in panic.

Suddenly there were more people in the room, and they were working on Matty.

More machines beeping.

"We're losing him" someone said.

"Nooo!" Louis cried.

Someone grabbed him and led him out of the room, but he wanted to be with Matty, he needed Matty!

But that's when he heard the flatline.

"Noo, please!".

And he was in someone's arms, strong comforting arms.

"I'm here".

It was Harry.

"He left me" Louis sobbed "My baby's gone".

He suddenly opened his eyes.

It was a dream, he told himself.

But it wasn't a normal dream; it had happened.

It was a memory.

Louis kept dreaming about that night, over and over again, and he knew perfectly well why: it had been the most traumatic experience he had ever been through.

Because Matty left him.

But then he came back, or more accurately, the doctors were able to bring him back.

Still, those seconds in which Louis thought he had lost his baby boy forever, where the worst seconds of his entire life. He felt as if his heart had been ripped away from his chest, and he wanted to die along with Matty, because he couldn't live in a world where Matty didn't exist.

That had been 10 days ago; 10 days in which Matty had been in the PICU, 10 days in which Louis had slept on the same sofa in waiting room of the PICU, and 10 days without leaving the hospital, not even once.