cuts | 5sos

chapter forty

It was currently Sunday morning, today was the day that Judy and I would fly back to Melbourne. I was slightly disappointed for having to leave, my mum and I had a great time and we got along really well. All the small changes I've seen throughout this weekend were so great, she wasn't a totally different person, I could still see some small bits of who she used to be, now.

But only the positive ones, like the fact that when she's nervous, she plays with her thumbs, and that when it's cold she always rubs the back of her neck. Or the way she says 'wow', the O always slightly sounding like an 'a'. I smiled. I was happy that me and my mum got on really well. We had one big argument about Michael though.

It was when Judy had left to give us two some alone time and we were just catching up. My mum decided to ask me about Michael.

"So how's Michael?" She asked me. "He's fine. He and his band mates are in LA right now." I smiled, answering her question. "Do you get along well with his bandmates?" She asked and I nodded. "Yeah, I am actually in a relationship with one of them. Ashton." I said, I smiled when I thought about him.

"Oh really? He never was my favorite." She said. I furrowed my eyebrows and looked at her. "Okay? Why?" I asked her. She shook her head and changed the way she was sitting. "The fact that he was the oldest, but the most childish. He seems a bad influence, I caught him smoking once outside on the front porch." She said.

"I think that the fact that he is still childish makes them get along well, if he was very mature he probably wouldn't be as close with them as he is. Ashton is sweet and not a bad influence on them at all" I said. 

She shook her head. "I don't think you understand, sweetheart." She said. "I don't think that he's a bad influence on them, I think he's a bad influence on you." I furrowed my eyebrows and tensed my jaw. 

"How do you know that!" I yelled. "He treats me like a princess, he loves me a lot. You wouldn't know because you haven't seen the way he treats or talks to me. You have been in rehab, you couldn't see what was going on in my life like the rest of the world could!" I yelled.

Then, Judy stormed through the door looking at me, I was standing in front of my mother. My hands were formed in to fists and my mum's eyes were small. "What's going on!" Judy yelled and dropped the few bags she was holding.

She ran over to me and grabbed me at my arms. She pulled me away from my mum and took me in to her arms. "I am so sorry!" She said and she took me upstairs to my room. She sat me down on my bed and walked in to my bathroom. 

Later, she walked out with a glass of water in her hand. "What happened?" She asked me while she handed me the glass of water. She then sat down next to me and rubbed some small circles on my back. "She brought up Michael, she asked me if I liked his band mates, I said I was dating Ashton and then she said he was a bad influence on me, but how would she know if she hasn't seen us together?" I asked her while sobbing.

I thought back to that moment, but I realized that we were both wrong. My mum shouldn't have jumped to conclusions this quick, but I shouldn't have gotten this angry at her. Me being Ashton's girlfriend, I was in the public eye, a lot. 

People always focussed on me, and the only time that I had alone time was inside. I could never just go out without some paparazzo following me. It was annoying but I would never give it up, I loved Ashton, Michael and even Luke and Calum way too much to go back to how it used to be.

My mum has to get used to it, and now that she is back in to the normal world, she will have to get used to sometimes seeing either me or my brother on the cover of a magazine. How annoying it might be, at this point I feel like the world around us knows more about me than my own mother.