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chapter thirty-three

"Ashton," I whined, "please stay." Tears were rolling down my cheeks as he stood in front of me whilst fighting against his own tears. "You know I can't. You know we have to say goodbye." He whispered, they escaped his throat too easy. 

Those words made me feel sick to my stomach.

"I want to stay, but I have to go, for the fans." He said, grabbing my hands. "I need you here." I looked at my feet. The noses of my shoes were touching Ashton's. Every small thing I liked about him was going to make me miss him. He wasn't physically gone yet, but I already felt lonely.

Ashton did everything he could to keep me 'safe'. He made Judy move in for the time they were gone, just so I wouldn't hurt myself. But Judy wasn't going to be watching me all the time, I just needed Ashton. 

"Why can't I just come with you?" I asked him and looked up in to his eyes, there was now one single tear that had escaped his eyes. I wanted to wipe it away but he did it himself before I could touch his cheek. 

"I wish it was that easy, but you have school." Ashton sighed. "And I didn't make you that picture board for nothing." He said. I know he was joking but the sadness made him look serious. "We can get me to do online school on the bus and we can just hang the picture board in the bus as well." I showed him a small smile and he gave me a fragile one back.

"You know we can't, Han, I really want to but we can't." The tears started rolling down my face whilst I gripped tightly onto my bag. I let my head fall on to his chest and his hands softly firmed around my head. 

"Han, you are strong, you can do this." He grabbed my cheeks between his hands and he made me look up into his eyes. "I'm scared that I can't." I looked down again, but his grip tightened and made me look into his eyes again.

"Hannah, you are strong, you just don't know it. Please, just be strong, for me." Ashton said, looking hopeful in my eyes and biting his lip slightly. "We'll be together again someday, before you know it." I just sighed, it was hard to be strong. But it was the best for now. "I will try, for you." I smiled, kissing him softly.

Those soft pink lips, it was going to be hard not being able to kiss those. "I'm so, so, so, proud of you, baby. You know that, right?" Ashton asked me, I slowly nodded. He tried to smile, but everybody knows it was fake and he was smiling through the pain.

"I know, I love you." I smiled. Ashton kissed my nose, and then my forehead and then both my cheeks and eventually my lips. He let go, but I pulled him back immediately. I just needed this one last time. 

I needed to feel his lips on mine one last time, just so I could go through with it for those horrible months. He finally let go of me, so I could say goodbye to the others. 

First, Michael who was kissing Judy and letting her go. "Hannah," Michael sighed, who opened his arms for me to crush into.

He just held me for what felt like ages, until he let go of me. I just stared into his eyes. I see the same eyes as I see when I look in the mirror, those beautiful green eyes.  He pulled me into his chest again, just for another hug. I needed it though, but I knew Michael needed it too.

I let go, and walked over to Calum and Luke who were talking together, waiting until their band mates could finally let go of their girlfriends.

"Lukey." I smiled, walking over to him and giving him a hug. "Well now I don't have a sister for a little bit." He pouted, I pulled off his snapback and ruffled his hair. "No! Don't ruin my hair!" He yelled, making all the boys look up. "Hemmings, you are such a girl sometimes." I joked.

He pulled the snapback from my hands, and put it back on.

Calum pulled Luke's shoulder away, so he could give me a hug. "Seriously, Cal, just slow down." I chuckled, hugging Calum. It was something completely normal for Calum to lift me a bit, so my feet lost the ground. "Calum put me down!" I giggled. 

Ashton's arms wrapped around my arms slowly as he pulled me into his chest so I was out of Calum's grip.

"No but really, Calum does give the best hugs." Luke said, holding his arm around Calum. I just looked at them, knowing this was all some kind of joke. But secretly, I shipped Cake. "I actually think Ashton gives the best hugs though." I smiled, grabbing his hand. His hands were huge, but I felt like mine fitted perfectly in them.

"Thanks baby." Ashton chuckled, showing me a sincere. 

"Are you guys ready, the plane is leaving in ten minutes." Michael said walking over to us, standing next to me. I saw his hand was locked with Judy's hand. Something like that made me smile immediately.

"I am not ready to leave." Ashton said softly, it was like he didn't want anybody to hear it. But I did. I squeezed his hand, he looked up. His cheeks became a rose pink and he squeezed back. 

"Say goodbye to your girls so we can go!" Calum groaned, it made me laugh slightly but also made me sad. "Sometimes a goodbye isn't that easy, Calum." I said, softly. His smile faded and he nodded, knowing he had gone too far by saying that. 

But I couldn't take it serious, he didn't know what was really going on. Ashton grabbed my waist, I was standing in front of him right now, just fighting against tears.

"I love you."

"I love you." 

His lips connected with mine, for the last time. I took in the soft touch of his plump lips. I wasn't going to kiss them for what felt like forever, I was going to miss them from the second they don't connect until they would reconnect again.

I didn't want to let him go, but he was going to miss his flight.  So I took his sweet taste in once more, until I let his lips go. He looked down, knowing why I let them go.

I just didn't take it and I let the tears roll down my cheeks. I didn't care at this point anymore, the tears had to come out. I felt Judy grab my hands and Ashton looked down at his hands, very sad. 

I just let the tears stream down my face. He kissed my cheek once more, it was followed by Michael doing the same.

And that was it, Michael held his arm around Ashton's shoulders, they grabbed their duffel bags and they walked off.

Judy and I stood there, watching as they walked off. Until they reached the doors, leading them to the airplane.

Ashton turned around once more, waving at me. I waved back at him. I knew he could barely hold it all inside as well, but he was staying strong for me.

And that was it. 

Ashton was gone.

The door was closed and their soft black shadows disappeared behind them. Ashton was gone, and he wasn't coming back for a long time. I cried a lot, but the tears kept streaming.

We stood there for what felt like hours, crying in the airport, until Judy spoke up, and pushed me as a sign to go and walk. Her eyes were glossy and her cheeks were stained with dried tears.

Even though she was going to miss Michael, I know exactly what she is trying to do. She was trying to stay strong for me. There were some bodyguards waiting for us, so we could leave the airport safely. 

It was a madness outside, fans and paparazzi were all gathered ready to make up rumours about us. I looked at the big built men that were helping me and Judy escort to our car. I didn't even care if the tears were crazy, they could know I cried. I just missed my boyfriend.

The door opened and there were thousands of screams. It was crazy. How many girls were up at midnight for nothing. I kept my head low, tried to shield it with one hand, the other one holding Judy's hand as we got into a car with a driver that was going to drive us home.

I just couldn't get over it.

Ashton left.

And the worst part was, 

Michael was with him.

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ok i literally cried while writing it srsly not even joking.

i had a writersblock pretty much, i am really sorRrYYYYY11!111!11

uhm yeah

okay so uhhh

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