cuts | 5sos

chapter twenty-nine

"I'm home!" I screamed, opening the door. There were literally no sounds coming from inside the house,  I walked in, closing the door and then getting some juice from the kitchen. Luke then walked in with his swimming trunks on and his hair wet and messy.

"Hey didn't notice you were home." He smiled and I smiled back. "Are you joining us in the pool?" He asked, I looked down. This was the moment I got nervous, uncomfortable, emotional even. "Sorry, I have homework." I smiled at him and he nodded. "Not too late to drop out of school, but don't tell your brother I said that." He laughed and winked.

Luke was always flirty, but a good friend. I wasn't going to drop out of school, no matter how bad I actually wanted to. I followed him outside to see where the others were. Calum was laying with his clothes on on one of the lounge chairs, looking a bit better than this morning, and Ashton was at the side of the pool.

"Hey babe!" Ashton smiled and got out of the pool. He walked over to me and I could see his muscular arms and stomach. I smiled and kissed him.  I didn't want to get wet so I didn't hug him. I then told the boys I'd be upstairs doing homework.

Once I got in to my room, I locked the door and put on comfortable clothes, which were a basic essential. I then searched for my laptop, which wasn't in the room. It was probably downstairs on the coffee table so I walked back doing to get it. When I got my laptop, I heard the front door opening and the house filling with laughter.

I stood there, looking at the sight of my brother and best friend together. They were too busy laughing to see me there, so I coughed. They both looked shocked when they realized I saw them. "Uh, hi, Han." She said and I raised my eyebrows. 

Michael's eyes had widened slightly and Judy was biting her lip. "So where were you guys laughing about?" I asked them whilst staring at them. "Oh nothing, hey where are the others?" Judy shrugged whilst asking me. 

I rolled my eyes, walking back towards the stairs and groaning "Outside." 

Why could literally nobody just tell me what was going on, it's like they have been keeping more and more secrets from me then I even know. I am just wondering if these people that I trust with my whole heart, actually trust me.

I groaned and got in to my homework, I was really busy that I didn't even notice when Ashton walked in to our room. I shot up and looked at him. "In to your homework?" He grinned walked over to stand behind me. "Slightly." I said while not letting my attention leave the computer screen. "Hey I'm taking a quick shower." I nodded and he kissed the back of my head and then disappeared in to our bathroom.

I didn't know how much time had passed when Ashton walked back in to our room, clean and perfect. "Are you done?" He whined and I laughed. "Almost." I said, finishing my essay and then turning off my computer. I got up and walked over to lay down next to Ashton.

My head on his chest, and his hands slowly caressing my back. After laying there, listening to his heartbeat, he mumbled things. "I'm going to miss you so much." It made me furrow my brows and look at him. I sat up straight to look him in the eye.

"What do you mean?" I looked at him and he closed his eyes. Once he opened them again, I saw the sadness taking over. I was getting angry at this point. "What do you mean, Ashton, why would you miss me? What is happening? Speak!" I said, getting up from the bed, crossing my arms and looking at him.

This wasn't going to be a nice and sweet conversation, this wasn't just a basic, nice chat. This was going to turn in to a fight and it was something I wasn't looking forward to. Ashton got up and walked over to me, making sure I sat back down on the bed.

"Tour is starting again on Monday." My world broke down, the only thing my body could do, was fall in to his arms and cry. That was the only thing I did, I cried in to his arms. His soft protective arms were wrapped around my body so tight I could just breath enough.

I couldn't miss him, and the other boys, for such a long time. It wouldn't emotionally be possible. There is no way that I could emotionally take this. My body was a small little ball, and I was just there, crying. 

I heard the door open, and when I looked up I saw that it was Michael. He was there to be my big brother. He sat down next to Ashton and I and slowly I crawled over to him. His big warm arms around my body and hugging me. "You can't leave." I whimpered whilst shacking. "I don't want to leave you, but it's our job." Michael's raspy voice said and I saw that he had tears on his own cheeks.

I looked at Michael and wiped away his tears. "Why are you crying?" I asked him.  "I can't see you like this, Hannah. You're my everything and I don't want to see you like this. If there was anything we could do to get you with us on tour, we'd try. But you have school." 

I sat in between them, and let Ashton wipe away my tears. They were still trying to comfort me, but I just couldn't calm down. "You can't leave me, Michael." I looked at him. It was like telepathy, when we both said "Not again." At the same time.

I felt Ashton tense up, I know what he was thinking about, the consequences that followed when he left me the first time. "But there is no other way, if I could turn back time I would've made you come with us to London and live with us. But our management didn't want us to. Hannah, you could handle two years without me. You can handle two months without us." 

I looked down, biting my lip and trying to stop the tears that I was holding in. I just stopped crying, I didn't want to start all over again. "You don't even know how hard it was to go through all of that. I've struggled way more than you think, Michael. I can't handle you abandoning me again." I spoke while Ashton grabbed my wrists, squeezing them hard.

 "I'm not abandoning you, because I'm coming back." He let go of my body and pushed it softly into Ashton's chest, who didn't really know what to do. He got up and walked away, then I spotted Judy in the door frame and Michael pulling her with him.

I focused back on Ashton, who was now holding me, caressing the sleeves of my t-shirt. Then, he did something quite shocking. He lifted my sleeves and held my arms out. He signaled the cuts, and smiled. "Why are you smiling?" I asked, he looked up.

"Because you haven't cut in a while and I'm proud of you." He pulls the sleeves back down and held his arms around my body. "Thanks." I smiled as nuzzled my head a little bit more into his chest.  "I know it's a long way, but you'll get there. And I'm going to be here for you every second of it." That's when I got up and looked him in the eyes.

"No, you're not. You're leaving for two months. Not just a city near Melbourne, but Europe!" I said as the tears started to stream down my face. He raised his big hands and his long fingers wiped away the tears that rolled down my bare cheeks. "I'm going to be visiting as much as possible, okay?" 

I looked at him, but nuzzled my head back in to his neck. "I promise, Hannah."