cuts | 5sos

chapter thirteen

I woke up the next morning without feeling arms wrapped around my body, giving me that extra warmth. I sighed and realized that I didn't get a good morning kiss and that the complete room was empty, there were no boys in our room and I didn't hear any voices.

I sat on the side of my bed and just sat there for a few seconds, just doing nothing, I then got up and walked over to the bathroom and afterwards I walked past Ashley's and my aunts room, seeing that all the rooms were empty.

I went downstairs and walked through the kitchen in to the living room and nobody was there. I looked around the room and realized that I was alone in this house. I sat down on the couch and I didn't know what I had to do.

They didn't even say anything, they just left. I looked around and found a newspaper ruffled on the table, I grabbed it and read the headline. "5SOS member Ashton Irwin had a romantic midnight stroll with girlfriend." I read and sighed.

I looked through the article and I saw pictures of us kissing, walking hand in hand, sitting at the bench, snuggled up and when Ashton offered me a piggyback ride. It all looked perfect and like in the movie. But publicity had to ruin it.

I got up and then threw the newspaper in to the trashcan, racing upstairs and then doing the obvious. I ran over to the bathroom to grab my aunts razor and I did the thing that I hadn't done in a week. A personal record, now broken.

I actually just hurt myself again, there was no way out and it all went wrong. Cutting had almost turned in to a safe haven for me, even though nothing about it was safe. I threw the razor back into the tub and I started cleaning it up. 

Blood had splashed everywhere on accident and I sighed, I had made a huge mess, I saw that I had gotten a message on my phone, so I grabbed it and read the text I had gotten from Ash.

Hey babe, the boys and I have a gig today but you looked so peaceful so I let you sleep in, I'll be there to pick you up at two, love you xxx

I let me head fall back and I then looked at the time, seeing that it was only a few minutes until it was two o'clock. "Shit." I murmured and then I threw my phone somewhere across the bathroom. I started putting on bandages and I started wiping all the blood stains away, I had to clean this up before Ashton came home.

I heard the door open downstairs, "Hey babe!" I heard Ashton yell and my eyes widened. "Uhm, hey." I yelled back and I quickly locked the door. I then heard Ashton rush up the stairs. "Where you at?" He asked.

"The bathroom, I-uhm, I'm at the toilet." I said, "Okay, I'll wait in the room."  He said and then I let out the breath I was holding. I quickly threw the blood stained towel in to the laundry bin, making sure I didn't leave any signs of it. I flushed the toilet, even though I hadn't used it, hoping it seemed legit to him.

I unlocked the door and saw Ashton standing right in front of me, I raised my eyebrows and his arms were crossed. "What?" I asked him. He pushed his body past me and walked in to the bathroom. He looked at the tub, found the razor and sighed.

Shaking his head, he walked over to the laundry bin and grabbed the towel. "Hannah, damn it!" He yelled and then stared at me, he almost looked angry. "Why would you do that again!" He yelled. I got scared and rushed away, over to the bed. I crawled in to the corner.

I didn't want to fight with Ashton about this, "You were gone, and the newspaper." I sighed and I just stared at the floor. "If you wanted to hear my voice you could've just called me, there is no need to immediately go and slice open your wrists!" He yelled.

He looked frustrated, making him throw the books laying on Luke's bed against the wall. I was shocked at this anger that had build up inside of him. I held my legs close to my body.

He stared at me and his face softened. He let the towel drop to the ground and walked out of the room, I heard him stumbling downstairs and I just sighed. I had never seen Ashton like this. He came back after a few seconds with a glass of water and my new 'and improved' prescription.

I took them quietly, even though I didn't actually believe they would work. "You have to get ready." He said softly and I nodded, getting up and walking over to where my clothing was hanging. I softly grabbed a pair of jeans and an oversized sweater that said Irwin 94. 

When I turned around, I saw Ashton smirk slightly and I just sighed and walked over to Ashley's room to put on the clothes. I sighed and slowly put on the clothing. I walked back in to the room and I saw Ashton on his phone.

"It's Mike, he's wondering if we'll be there soon." He said and I nodded, "Let me put on some makeup." I said and then I grabbed my makeup bag and then walked in to the bathroom. Ashton walked in when I was busy and he stood behind me. He had placed his hands on my hips and looked at our reflection in the mirror. "I'm sorry about what happened, I just don't want you to hurt yourself." He sighed.

I nodded and continued with my makeup, afterwards I turned around and I looked at Ashton. "I get it." I sighed. I laid my arms around his neck and looked at him, I kissed him. I felt him smile and then I pulled away.

"Let's go." I smiled and I quickly slipped on my maroon Doc. Martens and leather jacket. We then walked downstairs and I got in to my aunts car. Ashton started the car and we just listened to some music in a comfortable silence.

When we arrived at the arena, a lot of girls were there, screaming. A wave of anxiety got through my body and Ashton laid his hand on my thigh while parking the car. Three security guards walked over and opened my door.

I looked at Ashton who had already gotten out of the car and I looked at the security guards. I got out and I immediately looked for Ashton who was walking over to my side. He grabbed my hand once he could reach it and kissed my lips quickly to calm me down.

The second we got in to the arena, I felt calmer. I was still against Ashton's side and I then smiled at how it actually looked backstage, I could get used to this mindset. This was something I would want to be at more than once.

"Here, let me introduce you.." 

hannah you stupid

how dare you to do this

be happy ashton didn't break up

jk jk jk

ok maybe not

jk

im tired

goodnight