Lost It All (Andy Biersack)

Chapter 5

Emily's POV

These past two weeks have gone by slow. Which was good, since Andy will be leaving for tour in like a couple days. It sucks that I won't get to spend my birthday with him or the rest of the band. Wait.
My Birthday..
I forgot all about that until now. It will be my first birthday without my parents. Then the following month, it will be my mom's birthday.

Then it will be Andy's, then your dad's. But of course you will be alone. You're meant to be alone Emily. Except it.

I shook my head to try and ignore the thought. But it didn't work.

You'll be alone on your birthday, your mom's birthday, your best friends, and your dad's! What a coincidence. How long do you think you'll survive being alone? Remember back in the ninth grade? When you were left alone for a long time? Don't want that to happen again. Do we now?

Ninth grade.. No. I can't think about that, just thinking about it scares me.

Everything about your high school years, scare you. It's all your fault, everything that happened to you. YOU deserved all of it. I know you still have some. I know you want some. You want to drown me out again, but will it work this time?

"No!" I yell and start to loose my balance.

I grab onto the end of my bed, and start to take deep breaths. Oh no, they can't come back. I can't be having a panic attack. I haven't gotten one since twelfth grade. Since then, I stopped getting them, because I was away from all the misery. The voices in my head left. But now they're back.

It felt like all the walls where closing in, as it became harder to breathe. I hold my stomach and try to breathe.

*Flashback to the 11th grade*

"Oh look, it's the whore Emily!" A girl says as I walked past her.

"Just ignore them and walk to class" I thought to myself.

But it never works.

"Hey I'm talking to you!" Another girl says and grabs my arm.

"I j-just need t-to g-get to cla-class.." I stutter. Shit.

"Or are you going to go to Josh?" One girl sneers.

"You actually thought he loved you. Didn't you?" Another one says.

"I-I" I start to stay, but don't finish.

"T-T-Today Junior!" One of the girls yell, causing me to flinch.

"Leave me alone!" Is what I wanted to say, but the words wouldn't come out. I tried to breathe but I couldn't. I fell against a set of lockers, and put a hand to my chest. My vision started to become blurry, as everything around me started to disappear.

Aw the slut is having a panic attack. Freak!
Whore.
Bitch.
Loser.
Attention Seeker.
Worthless piece of trash.
Leave this school.
Kill yourself.

Those words played in my head, and I fell to the ground. I heard a bunch of footsteps come near me, as the memories start to fall before my eyes.

*End of Flashback*

"Emily! Emily breathe!" Someone yells.

I looked at my surroundings, then the person in front of me. I tried to breathe like the person told me, but it didn't work. Throughout my whole body, I was shaking with fear.