Dammit I am not in love with you!!!!

Aunty Flow comes at a bad time

I was practicing my lines in front of my mirror in hopes of getting the nuances of my performance correctly. I mean Ruby did say that acting is all about emoting so I had to get the delivery right.Tomorrow is the big day and there can be no mistakes. There is no room for error. And I had avoided any confrontation with my mother and sister by staying at Mami's house. I was nervous for tomorrow. I had no idea what Alex had planned except that there was a huge confrontation between me and my family tommorow and I have to play victim.

My mentors had guided me on playing the victim for two days and one night straight. I had watched countless movies including some starring Ruby just to see how one portrays a victim. I had been coached by Mami on how to recognise my mother's signature moves. Papi had been bringing us news from my mother's house on the condition of my sister. My father too had come and helped by directing me in how to deliver the lines and the finer points in my acting. And tomorrow, the big showdown was going to happen. I know I am not a good actress but I am gonna try like hell.

I just hope nothing bad happens and I am able to successfully complete this mission. I finally decided to go to sleep when I could no longer keep my eyes open. It took me a few hours before I could get comfortable and fall asleep. Its never happened before. Usually I am out as soon as my head hits any part of the bed. But tonight, it was like my body couldn't recognize the difference between plywood and my mattress. Maybe I was stressed out. But I didn't pay much attention to this disturbing phenomenon. I should have.

***

My alarm rang promptly at 6 in the morning so I could prepare for my morning run. The only problem being that no matter how much I tried I couldn't will myself to get up. I knew Mami would come when the alarm wouldn't stop ringing but till then I was trying to wake up and join the world of the living. I don't know how much time passed, but Mami came to wake me up.

"Goodness Livvy its seven in the morning and you haven't woken up yet. And your alarm is still ringing. Whats wrong with you?"

"Mami I can't seem to get up. I have been trying but I feel like I have no energy."

"Oh no Livvy. This is a bad time for this. This can't happen today. We need you normal. NORMAL!" Mami sounded panicky and it wasn't doing great things for me and my swiftly deflating mood.

"Mami what are you talking about? Help me get up first." I think she took me too seriously because the next thing I know I was splashed by a bucket of cold water.

"Mami what the hell?"

"Livvy answer me truthfully. Are you feeling lethargic?" I nodded yes. "Do you feel...moody perhaps? Maybe even slightly bitchy?" I always feel like that but it seemed like she wasn't asking about my general disposition. I did feel horrible and the unexpected cold water shower had done wonders on my early morning personality. So again I nodded. And Mami paled slightly. "Okay umm....are you sore anywhere? Like do you have body aches or maybe cramps?" Nooooo bodypains and cramps could only mean one thing. And I don't need that for today. Before I could go into denial my body gave the answer when I was assailed with a painful cramp in my abdomen.

"Shit can anything ever go the way I want it too. Nope because its so much fun too watch me stumble ain't it? God why today of all days? I wanted today to go without a hitch just to have the biggest roadblock being thrown at me. Why can't I fucking catch a break like ever?" And thats how I ended up sobbing at the injustice of all. And once I go into one of my bouts of crying its very hard to get me out of them. Oh but you probably don't understand what brought this on. Well, maybe God loves to test me because he threw the ultimate challenge at me-deal with my PMSing self. Yes, aunty flow had come to town and she couldn't have picked a worse time.

After two hours of Mami trying to bring me out of my 'mood' as she called it, I was still a sobbing mess. And it just got worse when I realised I still have to face my mother and sister and defend my honor. I mean this wasn't fair. They would look perfect and I on the other hand would look like death blew over my bodt and also decided to tapdance on it.

Plus I was having the absolute worst day and had plenty to show for it. My hair was an almighty mess fron tossing and turning all night. My eyes were red and puffy from crying and I had tear tracks all over my face. My nose was constantly watering because of my crying bouts and I had a box of tissues next to me ( which was steadily depleting). I had massive cramps and was suffering from pain in my lower back and pelvic region. I also had a migraine from all the crying , which further reduced me to tears. All in all I was having a bad day and even Mami's special breakfast wasn't enough to pull me out of my crying marathon.

And this is how Alex found me when he came to prep me for the showdown with my mother. One look at him all dressed up to kill and looking like Apollo and I burst into more sobs. Now usually, guys are pretty uncomfortable when they see girls crying and give you the 'there there' treatment. Alex surprised me again.

"Livvy babes whats wrong? Why are you crying? Are you scared for today? Babes talk to me."

"Alex we shouldn't go ahead with the plan. I will totally mess it up. I can't do anything right and today is already off on a bad start." Just then another painful cramp struck and I think I hissed in pain.

"Look Livvy if it has to go wrong it will go wrong. But we can't give up trying. You can do this and I know it. I will be there with you and if anything goes wrong don't worry about it I will handle it. But if you still have doubts, its okay we will call it off and come up with another plan. Just please stop crying."

He's right. I can't let go of this opportunity just because I am scared and I am having a bad day. I mean who knows what damage today could possibly wreak on my reputation if I back out. I mean knowing what happened at the wedding I have to defend myself. And today is just the day for it. I just have to wear my big girl pants today.

"Lets do this. I mean I get to act today. Its a golden opportunity for taking revenge on my mom for sending me on all those dates with those jerks. I mean how bad could it possibly get? They will insult me? Probably someone will ask some embarassing questions? I can handle that."

Yeah maybe I was too optimistic or Alex was actually good with words because I was finally able to shake off my Debbie downer mood and get into the spirit of things. I mean I just got my period. Plenty of women go through tougher situations with worse things to deal with. I just had PMS.

Plus I owe this to myself. Period or no period, my mother and sister have been nothing but giant bitches to deal with all my life. We were related by blood but I swear sometimes it felt like we had no bond to each other at all. Granted I was different than them but still we were a family and I was a member too. But all I ever got treated like was a distant orphaned charity case of a relation that they had to bear with. I made excuses for them because I loved them and thought they loved me too. Clearly that was a mistake.

If they were throwing me out to the wolves, then I guess why shouldn't I return the favor and do the same. I mean I don't need them. The blinds were off now and I had no more excuses left to make. Not that I wanted to anymore. My family supports me. Dad, Mami and Papi were all the family I needed.

So all bets are off now. This Cinderella is pissed and no longer a doormat.They want a press conference? Well I'll give em one.
How bad could it get? If nothing in my life goes right then fine. But I have to try.