Dammit I am not in love with you!!!!

My Inner Cookie loves her some Drama

The events of today had clearly taken a toll on me because my inner Cookie was crying out for mercy. Like literally I could hear her screaming "Get your ass out of here!"

And I seriously didn't want to date Ronald. Plus it was something that went against my morals. I mean I promised exclusivity to Alex. How could I ask him to remain loyal to me if I am not loyal to him myself. So no matter how genious dad's plan was I was going to decline. I'll take my chances with Alex.

"Dad I am sorry but I can't. I mean the idea of dating that moron is making me hurl. Plus the last five years I have heard about every minor detail of his relationship with my sister from the horse's mouth. From their first kiss to their first kid's name and everything in between. Dating him would be like incest. I am sorry but I just can't do it. I think I rather stay with Alex."

"Okay then you will have to deal with him as a daily interruption in your dating life." The good thing about my dad is he will give you advice but not expect you to follow it. Unlike my mother, my father believed that human brain was capable of decision making and should be allowed to exercise that power. So he might have suggested the solution but he didn't really force me to accept it.

But my mom was another story. She must really love the Dwights because she had no objections against Ronald dating me. Despite his obvious history with Felicity.

"Of course she can date him. And Livvy it would not be incest since you and Ronald have no blood connection at all."

"That is not the issue here. I don't like Ronald and as far as I remember to date a guy you have to like the guy. That condition is not being met here."

"Mom how can you ask her to date Ronald. Ronald is mine. He is my fiancé and I still love him." Wait she still likes him. Felicity must have been dropped too many times when she was a baby because liking a guy who just confessed to loving your sister and wanting to date her was too fucked up for words.

"No I don't like you anymore Felicity. We are over. I am in love with Lavinia now." Now he knows my name. Must have memorised it all night. He really shouldn't have said that. Any moment now there was going to be an explosion.

And just as I expected there was one. No not a literal one. My sister just did her pig squeal sound. It was the sound that signalled shit had hit the fan. My sister hates being humiliated and Ronald just broke the cardinal rule.

My inner Cookie was suddenly interested. She wanted to watch what was going to happen while my sane self was telling me to make a run for the exits and never look back.

"Alex where is your car? " I asked him in hushed tones. "Because I get the feeling that we are going to have to repeat our escape from the church again."

"Don't worry its parked right outside the front door. I also called in my driver. So all we have to do is get in the car and we will be off."

"Nice of you to think of our exit plans. Be ready to move on first sign of danger. Okay?" He just nodded. Good now that we had the escape worked out I could breathe a little easy.

My inner Cookie was sitting at the edge of her seat waiting for my sister's reaction. In all probabilty my sister was going to explode into a giant meltdown. All the signs were there. The reddening of the face. The twitching of the shoulders and the pig squeal. It was just a matter of time. For Ronald's sake I wished he would just shut up and not speak for few hours. But speak he did and trust me it didn't help his case.

"I loved you Felicity but we are too similar. It feels like I am dating a female version of myself. Your sister on the other hand is my complete opposite." OMG Ronald shut up. Please shut up. "I mean we lost the charm. It was same old boring routine. I want something fresh and new. I know Livvy is going to be perfect for me because she and I have nothing in common. I hope you would give me your blessing. Maybe you could be the Maid of Honor in our wedding."

"Son of a bitch. He shouldn't have said that."

"AARRRRGHHHHHH......"

Thwack.

In case you were wondering what those two sounds were, it should come as no surprise. The first sound was my sister's battle cry that sounded like a banshee screaming bloody murder. The second sound was Ronald hitting the floor after my sister tackled him.

Then there were the other sounds that followed after Ronald hit the floor. Like the sound of my sister's fists bashing Ronald's face. The 'oof' sound escaping Ronald as my sister's fist crashed to the side of his face. The sound of cameras snapping the best piece of gossip to hit the scene since the Clinton scandalous affair. My mother's horrified scream at her daughter's meltdown. The sound of Mrs Dwight screaming for Security to help Ronald. My father laughing his ass off at the scene in front of him. My boyfriend Alex's whoop of joy when my sister gave Ronald another black eye in addition to the broken nose.

I couldn't recognise the ever so sophisticated Felicity in the insult spouting beast of a woman who was beating the hell out of Ronald. I felt like I was in the Twilight zone where my sister had suddenly been replaced by the Lady Hulk. A red Lady Hulk to be precise.

And then there was my inner Cookie going "This shit is beter than watching Scandal on Netflix."
I think I expected Felicity to bitch slap Ronald. She exceeded everybody's expectations when she tackled Ronald like a professional Rugby player and went for his face with her fists.

It took three bulky security guys to separate Felicity from Ronald and contain her. Mrs Dwight was screaming for an ambulance. Mr Dwight looked green and slightly pale. I think he was going to faint. And he would have if not for Mrs Dwight screaming at him to help their son.

My father and Alex were still laughing. Like this was the funniest thing they've seen. And the cameras were still recording the aftermath of my sister's meltdown. Not that she cared. She was still screaming at Ronald and it sounded like a bunch of vultures circling roadkill and screeching happily.

I guess I wasn't going to be on the frontpage this time. Because my sister took that spot. She is going to have another meltdown when she sees the newspaper tomorrow and I don't want to be there when she does.

But my Inner Cookie wasn't in agreement because she was having so much fun. I guess secretly I was a drama queen. Because my Inner Cookie was telling me that she loved drama and wanted some more.

Except I was pretty sure the next one would include me and I had no intentions of reclaiming the front page spot in the newspaper. So I did what I do best. I escaped with Alex.

We ran out of the conference hall, through the hallway and reached the foyer. Alex whistled and the next thing you know we are bundled in the backseat of an all black Mercedes SUV and rushing out of my mother's estate.

"So today was fun right?"

Yeah right. Today was absolutely fun. I mean its not everyday you see your sister beating the shit out of her ex fiancé. Fun doesn't even describe it.