Dammit I am not in love with you!!!!

Her Royal Bitchiness

Meeting your boyfriend's parents is always a daunting prospect. You don't want them to disapprove of you and you want to make a good impression. So you meticulously plan your wardrobe choices, how you plan to greet them, what to bring as a guest, what conversations to have etc etc. All the planning and plotting is actually pretty effective because it prepares you for the first contact.

Now thats an ideal situation. Completely different to what I was facing. First of all, Alex already told me his mother is not gonna like me. We are already on a bad start. Secondly, I don't really have a good reputation in the ton because of all the stunts I pulled on those jerks I had to date. So I am labelled as a wild child. Hardly appropriate to meet anybody. Thirdly, the whole wedding scandal had dropped my reputation to the proverbial pigsty and did not make for pleasant circumstances. Fourthly, Alex had already mentioned that his mom and my mom were two peas in a pod. That pretty much killed any enthusiasm I had in meeting her. Last but not the least, she surprised us with a visit. I wasn't prepared ( not like I wanted to be because I clearly didn't give a flying fuck).

So you see how this surprise encounter was a disaster. One which could not be avoided. And looking at Alex I could make out that he wasn't happy that his mother dropped in for a visit.

"Alex who is this girl? Why is she here? You never brought any girl here before?" Really so he never brought any girl here before. That made me smile.

"Why do you insist on being reminded that whatever I do has nothing to do with you. Its none of your business who comes and goes in my house. And why the hell are you here?"

"Alex is that any way to talk to your mother?" Okay I could sense something brewing between them and I thought it wouldn't be polite to witness it. So I got up to give them some privacy but clearly Alex had other plans. Because he pulled me back and straight into his lap.

Sure make me comfortable on your lap. Scandalise your mother who looks like she wants to murder me with her bare hands.

"Alex what kind of improper behavior is this? And who is this scantily clad floozy?"

Scantily clad floozy? I am wearing a gorgeous dress which is covering all the necessary parts and is of a decent length. The woman needs her eyes checked.

"First of all this is my house. And she is my guest. So she can sit anywhere she wants to. Secondly you have no right to insult my girlfriend. Now you have disturbed us enough. Please leave and shut the door on your way out."

"So she is the infamous Lavinia Carter. The homewrecker who stole her sister's fiancé. Seriously Alex you have really bad taste in women. For all you know she is a scheming manipulative bitch who is after your money." Wow lady you just met me. And you labelled me a gold digger.

"Wow mom you just described yourself. Thanks but I am not dating you. And stop insulting my girlfriend. Now get out of my house."

"What do you want from my son? Your sister's fiancé not enough for you?"

Okay she successfully managed to irritate me and my inner cookie finally made an appearance. Time for the showdown.

"Well I wanted kisses from him and he was obliging me with that before you interrupted us with your god awful screaching." I don't think anybody had ever talked to her like that. Because she just gaped at me.

"Shut your mouth honey. Its not attractive." Alex coughed but I knew he was secretly laughing.

"Are you gonna let her insult me like that?" She clearly expected Alex to take offense but judging by the way he was rubbing my back, he clearly approved of my behavior.

"Well to be honest mom you started it. And I warned you. She's just returning the favor."

"Alex please stop this. You don't have to date her. I mean Diana is still waiting for you. She is absolutely perfect and much more suitable than this horrible girl."

"But I am not waiting for her. Plus I hated her. All she ever cared about was how she looked and what other people thought of her. I mean seriously how many times can you look in the mirror?"

"Okay fine there are still many eligible and better suited girls out there. Why do you have to date this...."

"Run out of adjectives for me? See thats what happens when you judge strangers."

"I wasn't talking to you. I'm talking to my son." She tried to be superior by injecting haughtiness in her tone. But I dealt with my sister and my mother for too long for her behavior to affect me.

"Well he clearly isn't interested in talking to you. So are you done or is there more? Because you interuppted our making out session and I am eager to get back to it."

"How dare you talk to me like this? Do you know who I am?"

"Honestly right now I won't give a shit even if you were Queen Elizabeth reincarnated. Now are you done your Royal bitchiness or do you want to have a smack talk session next?"

"Alex aren't you going to say anything?" God she was a stubborn one. She wouldn't leave until and unless Alex kicked her out.

"Please leave. I want to enjoy some time with my girlfriend and honestly you are disturbing us." He then turned to me with a naughty smile. "Now where were we before we got interrupted? Oh yes kissing." And then we resumed from where we left off. But clearly it still wasn't enough indication for someone to leave.

"Alexander Seymour don't you dare ignore me!"

"Oh my god would you please stop being such a big pervert and leave already! Its like you want to watch us have sex. What are you planning on shooting us our very own sex tape?"

And that is how ladies and gentlemen I managed to finally make his mother leave after she called me devil spawn ( nothing new there). And me and Alex burst out laughing at her speedy exit.

"If I knew calling her a pervert and mentioning sex tapes would get her out I would have said so sooner."

"Trust me this ain't over yet. She'll come back." And then he sighed. "And it will be worse because she'll have the cavalry with her the next time."

"Bring it on. By the way, your mother is a total bitch."

"Wait till you meet the rest of the family."

"I hope its not anytime soon. We still have to go on our first date. And you owe me more kisses."

"Then lets resume from where we left off. We'll worry about the rest later." And thats what we did. We went back to sharing blissfully heated kisses.