Dammit I am not in love with you!!!!

I Choose You!

"Can everyone please leave me and Alex alone for some time. We need to discuss somethings."

'We need to talk'. Four little words but packing tons of force. They are what makes or breaks a relationship. They are the thin line between a successful and a failed relationship. It all depends on what comes after these four little words.

These four little words were never the ones that I wanted to utter in my relationship with Alex. Atleast not before the three magical words. But circumstances being what they are these ominous words had been uttered and now came the aftermath.

"Try and be gentle on him. He has been too stressed about this already." My father cautioned me before leaving. It had been hard on everyone. But Alex had it much worse with me being his girlfriend and him having to deal with all the awkward questions the press threw at him on a daily basis.

My Grandparents too left and gave us some privacy. It was time. How do you broach the topic of your maybe getting engaged to someone else in the future in front of your boyfriend? Should you just come out with it or try and soften the blow? Was there ever any proper way to do this?

"Look I know we are not in the most of ideal of circumstances when it comes to our relationship. And through the past weeks I have dragged you into multiple over dramatic situations. And believe me I am thankful that you decided to stick around. But this just seems to have no end. We have to do something and do it soon. Because I can't spend the rest of my life like this."

"So what you are actually thinking of saying yes to marrying him?" Well he knows me enough to know what I am thinking."So what do you want? Me to let you go happily and give you my blessings? Because I am sorry no can do. I am not that strong that I can see the one good thing in my life belong to the one man that I hate more than anyone in my life right now."

"I am not actually planning on getting married to him! I just want an opportunity to get him off my back. And if that means that I have to be engaged to him for a brief period of time then yes I will do it. All I want you to do is just to support me in this. I am not going to marry him I promise you that."

"Don't promise things you can't guarantee."

"Oh! What do you mean by that? That I may actually marry him? That I am not good on my word? Is that what you're getting at?"

"Don't be ridiculous! I never said that!"

"No you just implied it. What the hell was that supposed to mean? You don't trust me to stick to my word. If that's so maybe we should really discuss the future of our relationship before anything else. Because I can tell you its very dark....."

"Its not that I don't trust you. I don't trust them. I don't trust Ronald or your mother and sister. You can guarantee anything but can you really guarantee the fact that they wouldn't force you into marrying Ronald? I really don't want to risk losing you."

For the first time in a long time I saw a different side to Alex. He was scared for me. He was scared of losing me. He was vulnerable. And he was admitting it. This wasn't about him being possessive and jealous. This was about him caring enough about me to not want to lose me. He was sitting on the couch hunched over with his head in his hands. This whole situation frustrated the hell out of him. Control freak that he is it pissed him off that somethings were not under his control.

I went over to him and just hugged him. At first he didn't respond but a few minutes later he wrapped me in his arms. I laid my head on his chest and just listened to his heartbeat while his chin rested against my head. This was what we needed and wanted but couldn't get until the whole mess got sorted.